Bebop & Rocksteady Improve Everything!

I was one of a rare group of people to both see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows in the cinema & enjoy it. The upside to liking a movie that bombed is that its merchandise gets discounted sooner!

I took advantage of the franchise’s misfortune to acquire the giant-size Rocksteady & Bebop for a quarter off at Toys R Us! Then I had to repaint them because Playmates barely put any effort into it, especially on Bebop. Much like its Classics Bebop (which I also customized & should eventually show you), the movie Bebops are inexplicably whitewashed. Rocksteady includes the Neegan-style club wrapped in barbed wire & festooned with nails, except it’s been toned down for safety so it looks like it’s wrapped in a rosary. They should’ve given him the sledgehammer instead. Neither was born with fingernails. Much research was put into them looking more like their cinematic doppelgangers.

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Please proceed to a plethora of pictures, punks!

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Suicide Squad Goals

The difference between Suicide Squad & the Rio Olympics is that the athletes volunteered.

Just as it broke the August box office record set by the superior Guardians of the Galaxy, my really wordy review of Suicide Squad helped me break some of my own records. August 7, 2016 had my highest number of views so far! I’ve also finally exceeded the amount of visitors I had last year. Thank you, highly polarizing movie! (I guess you helped too, Preacher season one review that I posted the same week.) Why must I always get the best exposure when my book isn’t in print?

With the brutal war raging between movie critics & movie makers,WB might as well quote me on the the DVD. “Suicide Squad is perfectly adequate!”

The other news to pop up over the weekend is the apparently terrible music video for Skrillex’s & Rick Ross’s  “Pink Cadillac Purple Lamborghini” starring Jared Leto’s Joker. Leto was cast specifically so his anti-charm would make the protagonists of BVS:DOJ retroactively endearing, so I’m confident in agreeing that it’s a lousy music video without having seen it. I’m not even going to link it because friends don’t let friends witness bad music videos. People who were paid to endure it tell me it’s like “I’m On A Boat” with all the mirth excised. This song is also about the wrong car. He drove a purple Infiniti G35 Vaydor in the movie.

Did you know there’s already plans for a Harley Quinn movie?  On one paw this could be good since it seemed like Harley’s character development wound up mostly on the cutting room floor. On the other paw, I really don’t want more of the Harley & Joker power couple that David Ayer foisted upon us. He completely missed the point of Harley being a fun yet sympathetic villainess in a dysfunctional relationship. Movie Harley was as much of an unrepentant garbage person as the Joker. It’s only when she was separated from him that she displayed any comedic charm. I’d be all aboard this spinoff if they ditched Suicide Squad’s continuity in favor of what Paul Dini intended.

I wish Mattel released all the figures needed to build Killer Croc at the same. I wish more that he was a figure I could just buy instead of being a BAF. (Well there is a better looking DC Collectibles edition on the way but it sadly lacks the option to go shirtless.) But what I wish most is that the main antagonist had an action figure. Where’s Enchantress?

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Prioritize her fancy costume over the grimy one, Mattel & DC Collectibles!

The Joker’s panda henchman got one, & he’s even less of a character than Slipknot! And if Mattel can make not one but but two incredibly banal versions of Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor, surely it can make one Amanda Waller.

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Suicide Squad Won’t Make You Want To Kill Yourself

Much like Ghostbusters, Suicide Squad is a remake of beloved film designed to retroactively ruin your childhood. So this movie has been getting lousy reviews, but I don’t think this movie deserves them. It’s perfectly adequate! I don’t mean to damn it with faint praise. After Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice (not just Ice was snubbed when it came to extraneous Justice League cameos), WB could certainly use a DC movie that doesn’t make you want to kill yourself.

On the way to the theater, I had a Make Way For Ducklings moment with Canada geese. A huge flock of them stopped traffic in both directions for 5 minutes. A driver ahead of me had to get out & shoo the last third of them across. This is a personal anecdote that happened to me!

I achieved the rank of Guest Star Matt on my latest collaboreview (not all my portmanteaus can be winners) with The Wages of Cinema. After you put that in your ears, read my SPOILER-laden analysis below! I promise not to detonate the micro-bomb in your neck if you do!

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AMC’s Preacher Is A Compelling Creature

Generally speaking, I am a proponent of slavish adaptations. I allow more wiggle room for adaptations of corporate properties that’ve had decades to accumulate complexities like The F-Lash & Got Ham?, but  creator-driven works ought to be presented faithfully. (Why does neither Dirk Gently TV series  directly adapt Douglas Adams’s marvelous books? Why is the screenwriter who completely missed the point of I, Robot allowed to bastardize Caves of Steel next?) I thought television would be a better medium for Preacher than film because it wouldn’t need to abridge as much. So I was dismayed to hear that AMC’s Preacher (at least its first season) would be more of a prequel to the comics.

It is fortuitous, however, that I haven’t gotten around to reading the Vertigo (a DC Comics imprint, whose branding is absent from the TV series) Preacher comics by Garth Ennis & Steve Dillon yet. I certainly know of them thanks to things like Previews & Wizard Magazine. (Back in my day, we had to wait a whole month between spoilers!) So well diehard fans may take umbrage at the liberties taken with their favorite comic book, I’m enjoying the show as it rolls along. It’s not quite right to call it a prequel. Much like Bryan Fuller’s dearly departed Hannibal, this is more of a remix of various elements from the story. In that sense it’s a truer adaptation than something like iZombie, which took the Vertigo comic’s title & basic idea but none of the characters or supernatural cosmology. It hasn’t been lazily grafted onto a police procedural like Lucifer either. At least this adaptation does, however, feel like it’s in the same ballpark as the source material. So this overview will have more TV SPOILERS than comic book SPOILERS.

For a show with Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg at the helm, it’s classier than expected. Breaking Bad’s Sam Catlin may be partially responsible for this. Of course it’s not too classy that it loses its irreverent flavor. It’s full of striking vistas of southern desolation. The cast is the right ratio of pretty : looks like they’re drawn by Steve Dillon. Overall, it works better than I can imagine Sam Mendes’s aborted movie turning out.

One of the big complaints I’ve heard about the show is its lack of tonal consistency. For all I care, tonal consistency can take a long walk off a short pier! Why would I only want one tone? One of the best parts of Preacher is how nonchalantly it flips from one tone & genre to another. Sure, tonal consistency can have its uses in other art, but it’s got no business being forced upon this genre-bender. Unless it has maintained the consistent tone of “Garth Ennis comic” throughout. Cognitive dissonance for the win!

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All The SDCC 2016 News That’s Fit To Print!

San Diego Comic Con 2016 dished out sensory overload before stumbling to a preordained conclusion. True to form, barely any of the news was directly related to comic books. I figured I’d give you hyperlinks to various trailers & add commentary. I got halfway through writing this when I noticed that that’s what all the reputable nerd news sites were doing anyway. And this is why is nigh-impossible to make a living at this anymore. So thank you for coming here to get the news that’s available everywhere. I also threw in some stuff about action figures. I’m posting early this week so it might not be completely irrelevant by the time you see it. Anyway, here’s the giant-sized part the second of my SDCC 2016 armchair coverage!

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Exclusive memento mori!

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Need Something To Read At SDCC?

By the time you read this, 2016 SDCC will be happening. (It might even be over, if you choose not to read it while on queue for Hall H as the headline suggests.) Thank you for accidentally clicking on a link to my blog while you’re at the con! I’m not there myself, so this will mostly be reacting to preview night stuff & furiously updating as news is released on publication day. The more thorough armchair coverage will be up next week (will Marvel continue to troll X-Men fans?), but do stick around for exclusive photos of my cat tormenting a mouse.

It’s that time of year again to vote for the next Star Wars Black fan choice figure! How is Mara Jade the lowest polling of the lot? She’s even doing worse than Dengar, & he’s legitimutantly terrible! You have until this Friday at noon Pacific to make this right.

There’s going to be a King Shark BAF! It even has alternate heads so you can make it from The F-Lash TV show or New 52’s Suicide Squad comic.  Jawsome! Too bad the Mattel figures it comes packed with still aren’t up to DC Collectibles’ snuff. The amount of Frank Miller toys is disturbing, but The Reaper looks tempting with its Eiko Ishioka vibe. (How does proto-Phantasm take his mitts off?) Good on them for finally giving Wonder Woman some attention to tie into her movie, even if it means they’re wasting plastic on her mercifully short-lived costume with Azrael vambraces & a suggestively-framing V-loincloth.

Speaking of DCC, its pinup-inspired Bombshells are expanding into the world of toys. I love the deranged look on Bombshells Wonder Woman’s face! Its manic joy is the anti-grimdark. Now this is a Wonder Woman that should be played by Abbi Jacobson!

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Who You Gonna Call About Ecto-Cooler?

After years of separation, I finally got my paws on Hi-C Ecto-Cooler again! Sadly, I was not among the bloggers that received a promo for it with bonus slime. The store only had juice boxes instead of the large aluminum cans I prefer. (I did see Ghostbusters-branded Twinkies as well, but I didn’t get them because they were the kind that lacked green filing. Speaking of which, Key Lime TastyKakes don’t have enough.) I miss having Slimer on the label. Since he’s been in the ads for the Ghostbusters reboot that seem to spoil a huge plot development for the secretary, I don’t see why Slimer wouldn’t be back here too for nostalgic corporate synergy. Supposedly he’s absent because Coca-Cola isn’t allowed to use him as a celebrity endorsement anymore?

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The juice boxes are genuinely smaller than they were when I was a youngling. After one hearty sip, they’re practically drained. This is a fiendish ploy to make me drink all the cartons in a single sitting then buy more. The included straws are too opaque, so you can’t tell you’re drinking something green through them. As someone who wants to consume all the green things, this is half the fun of Ecto-Cooler. I did confirm that it is still green by pouring it into a glass, but that felt like too much effort on my part when Hi-C could’ve just issued clear straws with it.

The Ecto-Cooler itself tasted … fine? I recall it tasting the same albeit more addictive. I guess from  drinking Juicy Juice’s & Langers’ orange-cocktail juices in the intervening years my palate is no longer wowed by Ecto-Cooler. You brought my ambivalence upon yourself by holding out, Coca-Cola! If I can find it in a format that’s not tiny juice boxes, I may give it another go. Hopefully Coca-Cola will keep Ecto-Cooler on shelves for years to come regardless of how the latest reboot performs at the box office. (I now realize that naming the classic cartoon The Real Ghostbusters is as misleading as HBO billing that made-up show as True Detective.) I am interested to see if a new generation that never tasted Ecto-Cooler before embraces it.

Now let’s see if just mentioning the newest Ghostbusters turns my comments section in a dumpster fire!

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