Back in 2011, I entered The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose into Amazon’s CreateSpace Breakthrough Novel Contest. It proceeded to not win. As a consolation prize, Amazon gave me physical copy of my book for free. I got to design my own cover for it too, although it’s not as grand as one I would like for the mass market version. I really want the book to be bound in leather with gold lettering for that Folio Society effect. If I’m going to be delusional, I might as well have delusions of grandeur. But the important thing was that I now have a limited edition of the book I wrote!
As fate would have it, Jack Gattanella (with whom I had previously worked with on FILLER!) was putting together his first feature film, Green Eyes, around the same time. I kept pestering him that he should include my spiffy new book in the movie, especially as he & his wife, Korey Hughes, had already been forced to read it. After much cajoling, he finally consented. He invited me to play a guest for the party scene. For the most part, I can be seen passed out on the couch clutching The Dolorous Adventure of Banenose, because who goes to parties to socialize anyway? I am further notable for my bootleg Multiple Man (sometime mistaken for Irish Thor) shirt.
For one sequence, Jack had me sit up on the couch next to star Audrey Lorea whilst she has a conversation with someone else & then departs. I improved slumping across the newly vacant sofa space & asking the other actress “Did I ever tell you about THE TIME?” Jack laughed, so I continued to do this for the rest of the takes.
Jack needed extras for a club scene, so I volunteered for a second day of filming. This time I was wearing the Canadian sweatshirt I’d recently acquired in Winnipeg but without my book. I did, however, write “THE DOLOROUS ADVENTURE OF BROTHER BANENOSE” on the bar’s whiteboard as if it’s also the name of a band that has a gig there. I’m not sure if it’s visible in the final cut, but the implication is that Green Eyes is set in an alternate reality where The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is already A Thing.
I didn’t see Green Eyes until Jack held a premiere party for it in NYC in 2013. Unfortunately, “Did I ever tell you about THE TIME?” was nowhere to be heard in the final cut. There is also a scene where the leads discuss an unjacketed book & remark “Yeah, that wizard was pretty crap.” I was gobsmacked because this would’ve been the ideal scene to showcase The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose. I would’ve lent him the book for that day of filming had I known this was going to happen in the movie (I wasn’t privy to the screenplay).
Although perhaps it’s for the best that The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose didn’t have its closeup in that scene. The wizard in my book is an Anubis baboon & is therefore incapable of being crap. It also has a witch as its stealth protagonist (or antagonist, depending on your perspective) who is responsible for much of the story’s propulsive action. I wouldn’t want prospective readers in the audience to be turned off by an inaccurate remark about it.
The important thing is that I still appear in the film! I’m credited as “Dolorous Adventure Man” even though you wouldn’t notice the book was in the movie if I hadn’t just told you. Not only that, but you now purchase your own copy of Green Eyes for your viewing pleasure! You can make a (drinking?) game of looking for me & other FILLER! cast members. Get clicking on this link with your piggy bank at the ready! Amazon is even offering it at a discount off its already reasonable price. You can’t afford not to add Green Eyes to your DVD collection! It’s like owning a piece of history you didn’t even need to liberate from from a museum.
And that’s the secret origin of how I got The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose a licensing placement in a feature film without having a publishing deal!
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Whose cat has four thumbs & has a special Interwuzzle gig coming up this weekend? This Saturday, March 28, I will be guest blogging at io9! Feel free to stop by & gawp at the potential swath of devastation I leave in my wake.
P. S. Did I ever tell you about THE TIME?