Can I Pronunciate?

At least two people thus far have asked me how to pronounce The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose. “Is it something like bay-na-no-say, ban-eno-sa, or bah-neno-see? And do you have to say it with at least one of your hands pinched before you, fingers upturned, in a cavitating upwards motion?”

I’m sure there’s an even larger number of you at home wondering the same question but are too bashful or ambivalent to ask. And the pulse pounding answer to this age old question is … I pronounce it bane-nose, but the inevitable gritty reboot will attempt to make it sound like a real surname. Effusive hand gestures are encouraged whichever way you say his name.

So mentioning the Archie/Sharknado crossover last week got me thinking about the seminal Archie Meets the Punisher. You may recall the epilogue where Wolverine is on the trail of the world’s most dangerous mutant that looks just like Jughead, the Riverdale ripoff of Wimpy, but with a swankier king hat. To this very day, a follow up Jughead Meets Wolverine comic has not been produced to resolve this cliffhanger.

If such a comic did exist, the one plot point that absolutely must happen is Jughead getting his grubby little mitts on the Ruby of Cyttorak to become the new Juggernaut. (It’d almost make up for “The Once & Future Juggernaut” immediately undoing the awesome Living Monolith as Juggernaut development to anticlimactically revert the title back to Cain Marko in the dumbest finale possible.)  We could call him something snappy like Headnaut. No, wait, let’s try that again: Juggerhead.  Why doesn’t Juggerhead exist?

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I believe this is my first attempt at drawing Jughead. It’s kind of terrifying. Bonus fun fact: I used to take Saturday morning art classes at the Joe Kubert School  from Fernando Ruiz, illustrator of Archie Vs. Predator.

Speaking of the Canucklehead, tell Hugh Jackman what you want in the last Wolverine movie. Nobody tell him “Old Man Logan” because, quality concerns aside, it makes no sense without carte blanche access to the MCU’s (not Fox’s) characters. I vote for the classic masked yellow/blue costume & Omega Red. Or fighting dinosaurs, cave men mutates, & Sauron (not the one in LOTR) in the Savage Land.

So the upcoming SHIELD Venom lava lamp = Jemmacide confirmed? Or is it merely a conspiracy to troll with economical merchandise? Discuss in the comments.

Remember when I told you about the SDCC Marvel Legends vote? Now you can vote for one of four finalists (Darkhawk, Angela, Mysterio, another gorram symbiote Spider-Man).  I call shenanigans on SDCC attendees voting Spider-Man into the finals over Nova (Sam Alexander), Cosmo, Nebula, Quasar, Borr, the Disir, Executioner, Sif, Malekith, Ulik, & Lyra. They’re just going to make him again anyway to fill a slot in a Spider-Man Legends assortment, so don’t throw your vote away on him! (Mysterio is also likely to be made again regardless, but at least Mysterio is stupendous!) Otherwise I’ll have to learn a very particular set of skills.

Vote on the next Disney Infinity character too. It definitely lets you stuff the ballot box as many times as you refresh! Mabel Pines currently has a slight lead over Darkwing Duck. This I will allow since Gravity Falls is amazing & Kristen Schaal needs to play Squirrel Girl in a live action Marvel movie to spare us all from Thanos’s blandness. It’d be nice to get Darkwing as an incentive for Disney to release the rest of his cartoon on DVD. I’m disappointed Kim Possible isn’t performing better since she’s awesome & deserves more merchandise in addition to a complete series DVD set. The the Alice & Mad Hatter options being from the lame Burton film instead of the excellent cartoon is most infuriating. Why is naked singing Baloo from The Jungle Book an option instead of pantless pilot Baloo from TaleSpin? Where is Uncle Scrooge?

THE VOICE OF GRODD FOLLOWS ME! This sounds like something a schizophrenic person might say. It’s also something completely unexpected that happened on The Twitter since I wasn’t stalking David Sobolov before. Katrina Law also has good taste in tweets. Also on this confounding platform, I declared that Bex Taylor-Klaus & Jacqueline Toboni ought to play sisters in something. Trubel & Sin concur with me. Together they fight crime … with dancing!

Yeah, nobody understands how The Twitter really works.

Did you read Susanna Clarke’s Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell yet? It’s excellent! Did you watch the BBC’s Jonathan Strange (no relation to Dr. Stephen Strange) & Mr. Norrell  yet? It’s exactly the kind of lavish & slavish televisual adaptation I dig. It’d be pointless for me to elucidate upon why both media are so wondrous as The Manila Reader’s reviews have already done so. So if you’ve not read & or watched it yet, what are you doing with your life? How else will you find out that authors are THE WORST?

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