Brother Banenose’s Blurb On A Blog!

You may be wondering what exactly The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is about. Here’s the blurb:

The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is the ideal novel for mature readers with juvenile senses of humor who enjoy satire, sex, knife fights, theosophy, bestiaries, sorcery, and some history thrown in for good measure. This tale focuses on the comic misadventures of a 14th century Franciscan monk known as Brother Banenose, who dreams of becoming a saint. Unfortunately, he is afraid of being martyred. Even less fortunate, Brother Banenose inadvertently inspires murderous rages in many people he meets in the outside world, including a family of relentless barbarians. When he learns that a precious relic has been stolen from his monastery, Brother Banenose sets off to recover it. Along the way he strikes up questionable friendships with some less than pious individuals including a sultry witch, a fraudulent swineherd, a warrior maiden, and a soothsayer who can only foresee doom. His quest leads him to The Idyllic Land Of Bliss, which happens to be beset by both a menagerie of fantastical monsters and the Black Death. The situation grows even more perilous once the Holy Office of the Inquisition arrives in town. If you were to put The Decameron, The Name of the Rose, and The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle into a blender and hit frappe, you would wind up with something resembling The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose. Original paintings by the author are included.

Please memorize this blurb & repeat it to at least twenty strangers verbatim or your pinky toes will wrench themselves off your feet.

I have learned secondhand (as I do with all life experiences), that it takes an hour and a half to read someone all the posts on Matt The Catania over the phone-o-tron. That may very well be the worst phone sex line imaginable!

In Fantfourstic, did they really name their lab “Central City” to remind audiences how superior The Flash is? While it was a locale in their first appearance, it’s much more widely associated with the Scarlet Speedster’s hometown as DC used the name first. It’s baffling that this is the one bit of comics fanservice that actually made it in. Meanwhile, The Flash may be the most fun & unabashedly comic booky show around. Look at what’s coming!

Coming this season to (Green) Arrow: Rutina Wesley is LADY COP! This is a real DC character. Coincidentally she was also cast in Broad Squad, which is sadly not about an elite task force dedicated to thwarting Abbi & Ilana. I’m disappointed she’s not going to be kicking ass in a supersuit since Ms. Wesley already has an ideal superheroic physique. Of course they may surprise us by upgrading her to Manhunter, seeing as how the killed Kate Spencer & Laurel just had to steal her sister’s supranym. Liza Warner (Lady Cop’s civilian alter ego) is lacking in nominative determinism. They should rename her character Lyddie Kopp just as Alex Murphy ought to be Roberto Kopp.

John “my show is dead” Constantine will also guest star on an episode, but he really needs to call out Abra Kadabra for magic cultural appropriation in Central City.

Also, do I need a tag for DC TV shows besides Gotham or should I list them all specifically? Does anybody actually use those tags to search through my posts to begin with?

The Teen Choice Awards have yet to convince me that Nina Dobrev and Victoria Justice are two different people. This is clearly who Tatiana “It’s about damn time I got an Emmy nom!” Maslany plays on Orphan Black, yes?

I unilaterally declared The Midas Flesh the best comic book of last year. Its tall Canadian author Ryan North’s ability to transform being stuck in a hole for thirty-eight minutes into something entertainingly newsworthy is what separates innovative people like him from almost clever people like me. Now I’m thankful my cat never tries to lure me into skate holes during walkies. I’m not famous enough to survive.

The only version of The Shining you should read is the 1978 Signet paperback because its cover is so shiny! I love it! It’s much like the shiny cover to the 1971 Folio Society edition of Brave New World. Ignore the giant spoiler on the back cover. The book inside the shiny cover is also very good, even if it is lacking in the awesome “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” reveal from the film.

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I just found out I should be eating cretons. Why are you hogging all the good food, Quebec?

Did you know bacon can melt? More importantly if you reserve the grease from non-melted maple bacon & combine it with olive oil, you can use it to make extra-scrumptious French fries!

Goodreads verified my author account. For some reason it’s not reposting all of my blogs. Why not review my out of print monograph, Generation Mixtape: A User’s Guide to Copyright Online, whilst you’re waiting for The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose to hit bookshelves this fall?

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5 thoughts on “Brother Banenose’s Blurb On A Blog!

  1. Awesome book blurb. It’s long-ish but you need that space I think. The Rocky & Bullwinkle comparison is apt. Did you write this or was it your company?

    Glad to see Rutina Wesley’s getting work, she was good on True Blood though they fucked up her character (spoiler, dead as she was) in the final seasons.

    Like

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