Das traurige Abenteuer des Bruder Banenose kommt jetzt auf Deutsch!

I’m very grateful that Matt the Catania has been visited by readers across the globe. (We’re still awaiting visitors from Svalbard, Kiribati, Iran, Syria, Cuba, Central African Republic, Western Sahara, Eritrea, Equatorial Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, North Korea, Liechtenstein, Lesotho, Oman, Swaziland, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Zimbabwe, & Antarctica.) I’m especially impressed by visitors for whom English is not their native tongue. I admire your dedication regardless of whether you’re a polyglot, using translation software, or just looking at the pictures. Which is why today’s painting obfuscated with an excerpt is in German. Dieses ist für sie, Deutschland, Österreich, die Schweiz, und ein bißchen Belgien!

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You may be a bit perplexed right now, but I can assure you this is actual dialogue from The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose. Stephfi the Marauderatrix speaks German. Don’t worry if you’re not a native German speaker. My book will teach you several German phrases that have minimal application to contemporary life!

Unfortunately there isn’t a full Deutsch translation in the works yet. I would be very happy if The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose were available if numerous languages in the near future. Its first run sales will probably go a long way towards foreign publishers working something out with Booktrope. So convince your international pen pals to buy a copy even if they can’t read it in its original format. It’s kind of like one of Walter Moers’s Zamonia books. Or for a non-Germanic name drop, let’s brazenly invoke Douglas Adams. I’m allowed to do this since I kept my Dad from grave-robbing him at Highgate Cemetery.

He REALLY wanted the pound on top.

He REALLY wanted the pound on top.

We’ve finally seen Hawkgirl & Hawkman suited up for Legends of Tomorrow ( a.k.a. “WB wouldn’t let us call it Justice League”). Covering up Hawkman’s nipples is UNACCEPTABLE! There’s a reason he made the list of risque superheroes! The CW’s prudishness is surprising considering it’s the network of gratuitous shirtless salmon ladders & traditional shirtless duels. Even a curiass like on Smallville would be more in the Hawkman spirit, especially if it came with molded BatHawk-nipples. Maybe his shirt will be battle-damaged off in the first episode & he’ll never bother to replace it because Nth Metal makes shirts superfluous. (“Nth Metal: It’s not just for punching dapper ghosts anymore!”)

Aside from him, I’m disappointed Hawkgirl’s costume doesn’t look like this to show off her taut abs & arms. Both costumes have way too much brown & not enough green. The helmets look cool but would be even better if they were bright metallic bronze with red lenses. I’m still happy to see reincarnated Thanagarians on TV though.

So far the craziest thing about the promo pic is that Hawkman looks more like Wolverine than Hughbert Jackalman has in seven movies! He really needs to steal this costume for Wolverine 3. I much prefer his yellow & blue suit, but I’ll accept brown & tan if it means we’ll finally get a masked Canucklehead. They did go to the trouble of making him a mask for an end to The Wolverine that was cut, but then he wore an even worse outfit than the original trilogy uniforms for Days of Future Past. Of course DOFP didn’t even bother homaging one of the most iconic comic covers (or the other one) of all!

The Sherlock action figure includes the world’s tiniest violin!

If you only watch one video today, make it HISHE’s BAT BLOOD.” If you watch two, add on three out of four Hannibal Lecters doing Red Dragon. If you have time for a third, see the first trailer for The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose! If you have a lot of free time, you might as well watch all of FILLER! afterwards: “Das könnte Uwe Boll nicht besser machen!”

Remember when I invited you to the virtual book release party on 9/22? Well that’s being postponed to Thursday, October 8. To make it up to you, the second trailer will debut next week!

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