TV Looks Just Like A Window

The “shameless self promotion” tag gets a lot of use around these parts. I have to pimp my own wares each post (making the tag slightly superfluous) because I’m nowhere near to being a bestselling household name. What you may not realize is that I consider myself an antisocial introvert. For Christmas, my sister gave me The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer.  I took the doughnuts & read it. (Or did I take the flower, as I gave her a Totoro sweater in exchange?) It’s an intriguing autobiography, especially if you dig her music & are in a creative field.

After reading her book, I now feel less awkward about asking for your much appreciated support. If you’ve already read The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose, I need you to rate & review it on Amazon, GoodReads (vote it into Listopia too), Barnes & Noble, & anywhere else. Recommend it to your pals directly! Even sharing these blog posts on social media is a boon. Booktrope’s marketing budget for this tome has already been exhausted, so I am dependent upon positive word of mouth for visibility. We may not know each other very well yet, but my career is in your hands. Any readership you can direct my way whilst I’m looking for new freelancing opportunities (hit me up with tips & commissions, please) & working on the next project will be most helpful. You’ll not only be supporting me but all of the team members that made my debut novel happen. Thank you very much in advance.

Now who wants to hear about television imitating my life most suspiciously? GET OUT OF MY HEAD, TV!

Naomi Nagata, the best character on The Expanse, debuted my new catchphrase:

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This sentence perfectly describes me. Once I ruined a Newton’s cradle just by taking it out of the box (a side effect of rewriting the laws of physics). I’m klutzy enough to star in a rom-com … were it not for gendered double standards.

Naomi is portrayed by Dominique Tipper. She was given the role because she already had experience dealing with Martians as leader of the Venusians. Sometimes I call the show The X-Pants, but I’ve been informed pants is slang for lousy. This sci-fi noir is not pants! Leviathan Wakes In My Ex-Pants would be a good porn parody title, now that I mention it.

Supergirl summed up my relationship woes in a nutshell:

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They adapted Toyman surprisingly well, even if Supergirl forgot she could fly out of quicksand. Winn is far less annoying when he’s not a fifth wheel. I’d like more Emma Caufield as Cameron Chase, the only character on this show to actually be a DEO agent in the comics yet isn’t here. How did Supergirl freezing the sprinklers to save everyone from bombs work?

David Harewood is so much better when he doesn’t have to pretend to be Hank Henshaw.
I really don’t understand why J’onn wasn’t allowed to kill the White Martian. (Fie on everyone who beat me to the #MartiansSoWhite quip. Miss Martian is the Rachel Dolezal of Mars, but she wasn’t in this episode.) They try to rationalize it with “honor” & “being better than them”, but this White Martian was an unrepentant genocidal killer. In real life there is precedent for people being lawfully executed for such crimes. It’s not even an endangered species scenario as there are apparently still plenty its kind out there. What purpose does keeping this one locked up in the DEO serve aside from being a homing beacon to its comrades? That’s a big security risk for the planet. It’s not as the DEO doesn’t murder on this show. J’onn killed Jemm after Alex neutralized it by removing the psychic jewel from his forehead. So why can’t J’onn get catharsis for his family’s murder?

Senator Crane’s sudden change of heart, which she attributes to Supergirl saving her, doesn’t compute. Supergirl didn’t save her. “Hank Henshaw the human” did. I’d expect being kidnapped by a murderous alien would’ve made her even more xenophobic. I get the anti-prejudice message the show is trying to send, but its stories are undermining it. The majority of the aliens on this show are criminals & terrorists. Supergirl, Martian Manhunter, & Superman come off as exceptions. It doesn’t work as a non-alien immigrant metaphor if there aren’t a significant amount of extraterrestrials trying to lead peaceful lives on Earth. We haven’t even met any aliens who were unjustly imprisoned (did Supergirl’s mom ever sentence anyone to Fort Rozz for parking violations?). The DEO is explicitly the hero of the show, & its whole remit is to lock up aliens without trial.

What’s up with the music team picking covers of sex songs for child & mother scenes (“Take Me To Church” for Alex & Mrs. Danvers, “Maneater” for Adam & Cat Grant)? Is there an incest agenda?

I’m late to Crazy Ex-Girlfriend because nobody told me it was a musical from the maker of “Fuck Me, Ray Bradbury” until after Rachel Bloom won a Golden Globe. You should’ve led with that, CW marketing department! Don’t schedule it against Supergirl & Gotham either. Hans from Frozen is in it as well, though I’m uncertain if his quitting speech was premature Ozymandiasing. Anyhoo, this is my new jam, if songs are things that can be spread on English muffins:

 

After months of hype, Legends of Tomorrow finally happened! Its pilot was … okay. It was bogged down with redundant exposition given the recent F-Lash/(Green) Arrow crossover. Getting the team together also proved more time consuming than necessary. Rip Hunter (who existed before Doctor Who, so it’s somewhat excusable that he’s basically The Doctor here) abducts everybody with their gear & asks them to meet up again 36 hours later yet only gives the location to Stein. He couldn’t be bothered giving a card to each of the strangers? Then they all arrive in civilian clothes & no luggage yet everyone’s supergear is on the Waverider when they need it. They could’ve just left from the rooftop. Note that Dr. Stein keeps a decanter of drugged alcohol in his office. He didn’t even justify it with needing to be in proximity to Jax for health/safety reasons. It’s also weird that Laurel made her sister a brand new costume & identity behind her back so she could keep the Black Canary persona all to herself.

The biggest disappointment was that Chronos didn’t keep his ostentatious fashion sense from the comics. We’d both be much more impressive in zebra pants.

“As some of you may well know, I’ve been deeply embroiled in a secret, one-sided battle with an invisible enemy.” Cisco elegantly described just about everyone on the Interwuzzle. My particular invisible enemy is audience apathy. To aid me, be more interactive & spread this post like a contagion!

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