Deadpool Does SEO Wonders!

The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is now on NetGalley! At least for a month, but remember February is short even in Leap Year. So I reckon thirty days from its posting date gives you until March 6, 2016. If you’re a book blogger, go request it now!

This blog has finally surpassed 10,000 visitors! I also found out how to slap book quotes onto inspirational photos. Behold my first attempt!

pablo (1)

 Which quotes from The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose would you like to see get this treatment next?

Hey did you hear about this Deadpool movie?

Even if the Deadpool movie doesn’t live up to my absurdly high expectations, it’ll still be worth it for all the inventive advertising it’s gifted us with. Its marketing team deserves all the industry-specific awards whose names I won’t bother to research. They had best be included on the regular unrated DVD too! I’m not shelling out for for some ridiculously exorbitant 3-D Blu-Ray combo pack just to get bonus features that ought to come standard!

Irregardless of the film, the current spate of Deadpool comics have be great. Gerry Duggan’s run has earned its place alongside those of Joe Kelly, Gail Simone, & Fabian Nicezia. Its post-Secret Wars status quo is very meta without sacrificing characterization. Deadpool has become so successful that he’s bankrolling an Avengers team, which ties back to Marvel poaching X-Men characters to bolster “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.” He’s also franchised the Deadpool brand to a bunch of C-listers (Solo, Foolkiller, Terror Inc, Madcap, Slapstick, & Stingray) as Heroes For Hire in reference to his oversaturization. (He’s forced to change the team’s name to Mercs For Money after Hawkeye shoots him with a Cease & Desist form Iron Fist & Luke Cage.) True to form, Deadpool completely mismanages by diverting most of the company’s earnings toward the Avengers to boost his ego about being a hero whilst the other Deadpools get stuck doing the dirty work. Since they’re all wearing Deadpool costumes on the job, this doesn’t even do bolster their reputations. As a sometimes freelancer. I can relate. There’s also a bonkers explanation for what happened to Deadpool’s supervillainish tendencies.

The Pitiful Human Lizard reads like the Torontonian equivalent of Flaming Carrot or  The Tick, why is why you should add it to your pull list. (It’s published by Chapterhouse Comics, which also produces Captain Canuck.) Where else can you see adorable purple-striped mutant rats? This is the comic book that saved Carly Rae Jepsen’s life not once but twice!

Its creator, Jason Loo, has expressed interest in doing mini-series for Jubilee & Multiple Man. Since they’re two of my favorite muties, I beseech Marvel to accept his proposal, especially if it involves giving Jubes her mutant powers back. Since the X-Men line has managed to become even more dour after Secret Wars (Mutantkind has become sterilized due to Terrigen Mists so soon after M-Day ‘s “no more mutants’ curse was finally reversed? There’s mass hysteria about some mysterious plot device called M-Pox? Cyclops ruined human-mutant coexistence … again? The original X-Men from the past are still in the present mucking up their continuity & taking page time away from characters that haven’t had their moment in the limelight yet? Ditto old Logan of an alternate dystopic future undermining X-23’s succession to the Wolverine mantle? Really, Marvel?), so they could really use some levity. I want to trade you money for some fun X-Men comics, Marvel!

Galavant’s second seaon ended on a wonderful note. It was worth it for Madalena’s splendid war-dress with Dilophosaurus collar. Go stream it now so ABC will gift us a third season of Timothy “King’s Beard” Omundson & Tad Cooper!

Now we have the series finale of Gravity Falls next week to anticipate & dread.

I really want to like Supergirl, but it keeps insisting on underwhelming me.  Pumping a Jane Doe with black goo made from Supergirl DNA off Red Tornado’s hand is less sensible than just making a direct clone of Supergirl that was matured super fast. If they wanted her to have inverted powers, it would be best if Bizarrogirl just came from Htrae. No Bizarro-speak? If Supergirl takes anti-Kryptonite she should become Power Girl.

I was very excited to see an adaptation of Alan Moore’s & Dave Gibbons’s “For The Man Who Has Everything,” mostly because The Black Mercy would be an epic band name. Sadly it, Kelex & the Kryptonite machete were its saving graces. Supergirl immediately realizing that Krypton is a hallucination & that hallucination just being her family blandly chilling in their living room doesn’t lend itself to riveting or eerie drama. The emotional core is hollow despite Melissa Benoist’s best efforts. It would’ve resonated better if they spent more time fleshing out her dream than at CatCo & the DEO. Having Martian Manhunter attempt to do Supergirl’s day job instead of just calling in sick for her was insulting to everyone. Ditto Winn being the only one to notice that Supergirl being incapacitated during the anti-satellite solar flares was no coincide. This adaptation omitted the birthday element of the original story & its most famous scene (just like the Days of Future Past movie). There wasn’t even a an extra layer of real world tension as the Kryptonians politely waited until after she recovered to enact their vague scheme. Watch the JLU episode instead. The Magicians inexplicably did a very similar plot on the same night but better.

The F-Lash pulled off topsy-turvy wish fulfillment with more aplomb than Supergirl in “Welcome To Earth-2.” Killer Frost is far more interesting than Caitlin Snow. Barry wore a bowtie & Joe West finally sang! Even in Earth-2, Deadshot is still missing his moustache. Who is the masked person next to Jesse Quick’s cage?

Now I will make conjectures as to Zoom’s identity. Earth-2 Barry or Eddie Thwane were early contenders, but his build & face seems to match Henry Allen more. In an instance of superdickery (that didn’t involve gaslighting Patty Spivot), Jay Garrick showed Caitlin his Earth-1 doppleganger is Hunter Zolomon instead of just telling her the night before. In the comics, Hunter Zolomon is the secret identity of Zoom (but not the original Reverse Flash who wore the same costume & sometimes called himself Profesor Zoom). I don’t think Jay is also Zoom simultaneously as a ruse since his powers seem legitimately gone. Since Zoom’s Earth-2 crew knew about breachers, it’s likely there have been incursions to Earth-2 from other realities before. Ergo I propose that Zoom is Hunter Zolomon/Jay Garrick who traveled to Earth-2 from Earth-3. Hunter Zolomon is too conspicuous a namedrop not to follow up on … unless it’s a deliberate red herring. Of course the evil speedster of Earth-3 is Johnny Quick, whose heroic doppelganger is Jesse Quick’s dad, which could imply he’s another Harrison Wells. Zoom shares Wally’s one-note obsession with speed, so why not make him a suspect too? Perhaps they’re all Zoom because it’s a shared multiversal identity? So in summation, none of this hypothesizing explains how merely invoking the Speed Force explains why the timeline didn’t paradox itself into something new following Eddie’s heroic suicide.

Kids, this is your brain on comics. Don’t do comics.

I would be remiss if I didn’t command you to observe the following. I shouldn’t have to tell you this by now, but stay for the credits!

This really makes me miss having the infrastructure to make my own films. For some reason it’s only known as “Doorgy” on Hulu, despite this being the objectively best title. Thank you for writing, dicting, & acting in this, peak Ashly Burch!

Next week: I’ll probably tell you what I thought of that Deadpool film!


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