I’m Out Of Print!

The first edition of The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is now officially out of print. (It joins my monograph, Generation Mixtape: A User’s Guide to Online Copyright, in the realm of discontinuance.) Thank you very much to everybody that purchased one. You now own a limited edition collector’s item.

I was told by Booktrope that its titles would be down as of June 1, but the discontinuance for its catalog was a rolling process. My book was gone a little early, with the paperback edition being the last to vanish. I hope nobody was procrastinating until the very last day. If you missed out, there are a few on eBay. I’ve also squirreled away a few copies. (Let me know below if you’d like me to part with them & we’ll work something out.)

Site upgrades are probably not happening soon. I spent a lot of money on ads, & the book wasn’t in print long enough for me to see a return on my investment. I’m also trying to buy out the royalty shares for my team members so that it won’t be an accounting encumbrance going forward as I search for a new publisher. Since I doubt I’ve actually made any profit off  The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose thus far, I think my remaining funds will be better applied towards cat food. I don’t want to charge what scant readers I do have just to get the clunky “.wordpress” out of the URL, nor do I want the site to fold because I can’t afford domain hosting in perpetuity. So the site will continue to look cheap & unprofessional to reflect its wastrel author.

When Booktrope published The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose, I was very ecstatic to finally have left a legacy. With Booktrope being a print-on-demand & ebook publisher, I never considered it going out out of print to be a possibility. Now I feel like I’ve won the endless war over who kills the last koala bear & who in death with love will love him more. Spoiler alert: It’s me because the last koala is a metaphor!

Now I begin querying publishers to get The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose back in print or take a go at self-publishing it through CreateSpace.  Even if this is as far as my literary career goes, at least I’ll take solace in being a one hit wonder. Oh wait, that requires me to have had a hit. I guess I have to get back to writing my difficult second novel then!

Rest in peace, Booktrope.

“NOTHING CRUSHES NATASHA!” needs to be Black Widow’s canon catchphrase, snarled with a thick Russian accent, across all media. (Admit it; she’d be 20% cooler if she spoke in the third person.) Surprisingly, there aren’t a lot of wordless pictures of Black Widow defiantly shouting. The best one I found has a bonus angry Falcon:

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Most movie stills also show her too sullen for what I envisioned. Then I found this:

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Literal Woman Crush Wednesday

Grodd damn it, Joss Whedon! Why did you preemptively sabotage this meme before it had a chance to catch on?

The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl: Squirrel, You Really Got Me Now was wonderful as expected. It’s tangentially related related to X-Men: Apocalypse since Jubilee & Beast make guest appearances. There’s even Weapon II, the squirrel prototype of Wolverine! (She also meets Howard the Duck, neither of whose Marvel Legends nor MiniMates toys said “Quaction Figure” on their packaging, sadly. I still resent having to buy a Silver Surfer just to get a Howard the Duck, but I guess it was foreshadowing.) There’s also a meta-joke about Squirrel Girl’s mom retconning her birth origin to not be a mutant, much like how Quicksilver & Scarlet Witch recently ceased to be legitimutant or Magneto’s kids in the comics to spite Fox.

Speaking of which, the best reason for Fox to sell the Fantastic Four movie rights back to Marvel is so Doctor Doom can battle Squirrel Girl in her own solo film. I just don’t want any more Fantastic Four movies, regardless of which studio churns them out. I’m fine with the Roger Corman version & The Incredibles, thanks. Squirrel Girl is the only worthy opponent of Doom, not that accursed Reed Richards!

Hayley Atwell disapproves of of Sharon “Agent 13” Carter & Captain America kissing in Iron Man v. Captain America; Dawn of Vengeance. At least Sharon wasn’t Peggy’s identical younger sister (that got retconned into her inexplicably identical grandniece due to Marvel’s confusing sliding timescale) in the movieverse. My problem wasn’t so much that Peggy & Sharon are related, but rather they chose to go all aboard the Stucky train instead of developing that (“Thirsteve?”) romance. I agree with Ms. Atwell that evil zombie supersoldier Peggy should happen because she sounds way more interesting than regular Peg.

Here’s the first image from the X-Men TV spinoff that might not even have any mutants, Legion, starring Professor X’s neurodivergent bastard son. THAT IS NOT WHAT LEGION’S HAIR LOOKS LIKE! I told FX his flat-top troll hair was non-negotiable!

According to concept art from the cancelled Spider-Man 4Bruce Campbell would’ve been Mysterio all along! Why are the rumors that the villain in Spider-Man: Homecoming (ugh) will be the Vulture instead of him? He’s like the Falcon except a geriatric white guy who’s only intimidating if flanked by five more formidable supervillains. (I wasn’t a fan of Sony’s reboot, but I’d take a Sinister Six movie over another standard Spider-Man even if Marvel’s making it.) Please don’t tell me they’re wasting Michael Keaton on Vulture just for a Birdman meta-joke. Unless he’s going to steal the youth from the whippersnappers at Spidey’s homecoming dance, what’s the point? Using Vulture to explain how Norman Osborn developed the Goblin Glider in the gone-too-soon Spectacular Spider-Man was fine, but do we really need to spend an entire movie with him as the main villain just for that? If they want a flying foe that’s not a Goblin, why not Beetle since at least his various armors already look cool? Canonizing the theory that Aunt May gets a Quickening each time an Uncle Ben gets murdered would be better. It desperately needs J.K. Simmons to reprise his role as Triple J to make delaying Marvel’s upcoming films for it worthwhile.

I finished all the Thursday Next books thus far, so now my life is extra meaningless. I’m not sure why Jasper Fforde isn’t as globally renowned as the dearly departed Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett yet. Of course, anybody that’s got a convention named after him can’t be doing too badly. He’s certainly better off than me, mostly by virtue of being much more prolific.

Did you know that if you leave an unopened can of Dr. Pepper in a car overnight during a ninety degree heatwave, the whole top will burst open at a forty-five degree angle? Now you do!

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