It’s A Comic Con-spiracy?

Last year I missed out on New York Comic Con because I was swept up in publishing & promoting The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose. This year, my friends told me I should get tickets to attend with them. The system had been rejiggered so I had to pre-register before it would even take my money. So yesterday, I clicked my personalized NYCC ticket link exactly at noon, & this was the screen it directed me to:

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I’m going to be on the virtual queue forever, aren’t I?

Needless to say, this was not a reassuring page to land on. This virtual queue didn’t provide an approximate wait time, nor did it even generate a wait number for me as an analog deli would’ve. All it did was periodically update on how the multi-day passes were already selling out. This must’ve been real exciting for folks with paranoia & anxiety disorders.

After staring at this screen for nigh two hours, I was almost ready to give up. Suddenly & without warning (as sudden events tend to be), the page transformed into one that gave me exactly thirteen minutes to purchase tickets. Since I only wanted one Thursday ticket (try to hunt for me on the con floor!), this was actually pretty easy. That still didn’t justify how user unfriendly the lead up proved to be. Boo for First World problems! The new system was supposed to thwart scalpers, yet multi-day passes still popped up on StubHub at exorbitant prices. Congratulations on not achieving your goal, NYCC!

So I’m going to a major comic con … just not the one that gets the good exclusives.

Speaking of which, photos of the Marvel Legends The Raft SDCC exclusive set have leaked. It looks like the bastards gave Dreadknight a sword instead of his trademark lance. For what the set is going to cost, we shouldn’t need to make our own lances. (Dreadknight is yet another cool villain who’s monstrously underused.) Odds on whether Enchantress will get re-released in next year’s Thor wave just as last year’s SDCC Dormammu will be in this fall’s Dr. Strange wave? (I am suddenly concerned about whether investing in the SDCC Hela was was the right move.) The inclusion of Abomination is puzzling since a lighter version is the BAF of the newest Captain America wave. A repaint of Sandman will probably be the BAF for the rumored Spider-Man wave with Kamala “Ms. Marvel” Khan. (Why doesn’t Squirrel Girl get a rumored figure too? She does have a POP now … that’s a subscription box exclusive. Is that better or worse than Grodd’s POP being an SDCC exclusive?) Purple Man is a wash because he doesn’t look like David Tennant but is actually purple. The Spidey serves no purpose save for raising the price.

Remember when I asked you which Rocksteady & Bebop action figures I should buy? Further complicating the tyranny of my choice, Three Zero is making 1/6 scale figures that I won’t have to customize! These would be the clear winners if they didn’t end up costing a few hundred dollars each. Well, time to rob a bank!

Space Ghost is blessed with a catchy name, spiffy costume, & a sterling talk show persona. If I didn’t just buy con tickets (note to self: acquire more Earth money before attending NYCC), I’d be sorely tempted to get Mezco’s new “like Mego but not terrible by today’s standards” edition. In addition to lots of keen energy effects parts, he also comes with the creepiest-looking Blip. This Blip looks like 60’s era Burt Ward on bath salts after being transmogrified by Circe. He’s so unsettling that perhaps terrified buyers will practically throw these simian sidekicks at me? If Blip is anything like a Terran monkey, however, those bared fangs mean he’s more scared of us than vice versa. There’s also an exclusive non-convention glow-in-the dark variant that appears to somehow retain its regular coloration while normally illuminated. What deviltry is this?

Whilst  reading aloud some random email about coding, my cat started mewing. My Meowish is not quite fluent, but I think she wants to learn to code. Who knew she looked up to Squirrel Girl & Karlie Kloss? Where can I find her a custom keyboard for her oversized paws?

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mouse_pun.exe not found.

On the subject of cats taking jobs away from humans, help prevent Browser from being evicted from his rightful home in the White Settlement Public Library.

I was cautiously optimistic about the Justice League movie, but “costume designer Michael Wilkinson told us that the red in Wonder Woman’s costume had been enriched for this film because ‘We always talk about it as almost like centuries of congealed blood from her victims on her breastplate.'” Then wouldn’t it be brown? She’s never washed her clothes in centuries? Not to mention that her breastplate isn’t even the part of her costume that’s red. (The argument over whether Wonder Woman should ever murder is a whole other volatile kettle of fish. I’m in the “killing is a sometimes option for the Amazing Amazon” camp.) Coincidentally, LEGO Wonder Woman will gleefully stab Doomsday for that last turkey drumstick!

It has come to my attention that Justice League & Spider-Man: Homecoming are both filming right now. So that probably rules out J. K. Simmons returning as J. Jonah Jameson unless he’s allowed to do an after credits stinger: “J. Jonah Jameson will return in Spider-Man: Prom!” (Unless Jameson isn’t in Homecoming, which was also the worst decision of the mislabeled  Amazing  Spider-Man films.) WHAT IF PETER CAPALDI WAS J. JONAH JAMESON?! I think the world is ready for a Scottish Triple J. Oh, Doctor Who is filming now too? Blast & confusicate it!

Here’s my new favorite insult, courtesy of James Clavell’s Noble House: “And thine [mother] was stuffed by a vagrant monkey with one testicle in a pail of pig’s nightsoil.” Not only is it more inventive than your average gutter slur, it also raises many questions worth pondering. Does the vagrant monkey on have one testicle total? Or does it have two but somehow managed to get only one inside a pail of pig’s nightsoil? How big is this pail if both your mother and a monkey can fornicate inside it? Or did the monkey monkey stuff your mother in a nonsexual way as one does to Thanksgiving turkeys? Or has she been turned into a work of taxidermy? So many possibilities to picture!

This was Murphy’s Law incarnate in book form. The near collapse of Hong Kong’s economy felt eerily topical as I read it. There’s a few conversations that delightfully begin with “Honorable Werewolf,” but it’s sadly lacking in genuine lycanthropes. To make up for that, it does have a rare instance of a burning banquet boat.

I dreamt there was a SyFy movie wherein Julie Benz had so protect Thames riverboats from Nessie, whom resembled a red & gold dragon. Quit slacking off, SyFY!

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