All The SDCC 2016 News That’s Fit To Print!

San Diego Comic Con 2016 dished out sensory overload before stumbling to a preordained conclusion. True to form, barely any of the news was directly related to comic books. I figured I’d give you hyperlinks to various trailers & add commentary. I got halfway through writing this when I noticed that that’s what all the reputable nerd news sites were doing anyway. And this is why is nigh-impossible to make a living at this anymore. So thank you for coming here to get the news that’s available everywhere. I also threw in some stuff about action figures. I’m posting early this week so it might not be completely irrelevant by the time you see it. Anyway, here’s the giant-sized part the second of my SDCC 2016 armchair coverage!

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Exclusive memento mori!

Jaina Solo won the Star Wars Black fan choice poll. It’s kind of suspicious since Starkiller & Darth Talon had huge leads last time I checked. At least she’s not Dengar. We’re also getting an Imperial Guard that does double duty as both a movie & Expanded Universe figure. Underneath their fabric movie robes, they’re wearing Crimson Empire armor like Kir Kanos. But shouldn’t the material beneath their armor plates be black? It still feels disingenuous of Disney to strip fan favorite characters from canon & profit off their merchandising at the same time.

Kudos to WB to releasing official trailers of all its DC reveals so fast so I can have firsthand reactions!

Wonder Woman looks classy. I also got a bit of a horror vibe from two characters I presume to be villains. Hopefully they’ll be just be different spins on classic Wonder Woman foes instead of brand new characters. The lasso action is cool, even if it does make her sword pointless. The palate could be more vibrant, but it’s not as desaturated as Snyder’s DC movies. My main objection is she says she was brought to life by Zeus instead of an Olympain Goddess or several. YUCK! FIX THAT IN ADR! I’m still wondering if they’ll give a satisfactory answer for her retiring after WWI beyond “WB/DC didn’t want to upstage Batman or Superman.” Yay, Etta Candy! Having her fight mortal soldiers feels lopsided, so they better bring in a hydra for her to punch out in the climax.

Thankfully Justice League feels far less dour than BVSDOJ. I am greatly amused by Batfleck’s recruitment attempts. The F-Lash is funny & his costume looks better than the rusty lobster monstrosity he wore in the last movie. Hopefully Wonder Woman & Batman won’t shack up. Fingers crossed the rest of the movie isn’t turgid!

There was only a teeny bit of new footage in Leg-ends of Tomorrow’s season two trailer. The panel revealed that its Justice Society of America would consist of Hourman, Stargirl, Dr. Mid-Nite, & Obsidian. More importantly, the big bad is the LEGION OF DOOM! This version will consist of Reverse Flash, Malcolm Merlyn (somehow inversely likable to John Barrowman), Damien Darkh, & Captain Cold. Without Gorilla Grodd & a dozen more supervillains, they’re more like the Death Don’t Matter Club. Vixen is also returning for a second season (the equivalent of one episode of a regular animated series) before her ancestor boards the Waverider.

The F-Lash season 3 trailer shows us Flashpoint. This monumentally bad idea seems less like Age of Apocalypse than the comics, probably because this is how the CW-verse would’ve turned out if the Time Masters had done their job. Kid-Flash looks spiffy. There’s no signs of Mirror Master yet, but we’re definitely getting Dr. Alchemy. I wonder if Tom Felton, previously announced as a new CCPD CSI, will be underneath his mask or if they’re saving sham wizard of the future, Abra Kadabra, for him?

I might as well mention the (Green) Arrow season 5 trailer too. It’s not thrilling, but at least WB let KGBeast return. Ragman looks keen. The new evil archer is named Prometheus, but is sadly not the Taskmaster-Wrath mash-up that singlehanedly took down the Justice League.

Supergirl season 2 hasn’t even started production yet. It’s supposed to premiere October 10. They really ought to hustle on that.

LEGO Batman is still funny despite LEGO Dick Grayson looking like LEGO Carrie Kelly. LEGO Joker’s teeth give Christopher Walken as the Headless Horseman vibes. Ralph “Why is my ‘l’ silent?” Fiennes as LEGO Alfred is such perfect casting. Wait, that’s not the Winged Avenger suit!

Got-Ham? only had 30 seconds of new stuff for its season three trailer. It’s mostly a season 2 recap. It doesn’t even show us Jim Gordon fist fighting Killer Croc (citation needed), which would only work if he was Gym Gordon. Sources say the Kato lookalike is a Talon, but he also resembles Dr. Simon Hurt. Maybe making Hurt a Talon in this universe would make him less confusing.

The new Justice League Action cartoon looks fun! Wonder Woman’s hair is rockin’! Etrigan has a hot rod! Dex-Starr is in it! (Why is his fur blue when he’s a Terran tomcat?) Firestorm is Bolin! Even Space Cabbie is prominently featured! This may even make up for Bruce Timm & Brian Azzarello ruining The Killing Joke.

NECA’s Kenner-inspired Aliens are delightful. I like movie-accurate toys, but there’s only so many you can make for certain properties. Of course I think more movies could stand to be inspired by toys. How much more exciting would the next Alien movie be if it had a menagerie of colorful animal-xenomorphs instead of the regular drab humanoid variety? Granted, it makes little sense that a facehugger could lay eggs in a praying mantis, but maybe praying mantises will be really big in the future? Just make it happen, Ridely Scott & Neil Blomkamp! Have them fight Kenner-flavored Predators too! For when you’re a glow-in-the dark Predator named Stalker, you don’t need stealth.

Boo to Marvel Studios to not releasing any trailers besides its Netflix shows & Dr. Strange (“We use magic to make architects & city planners obsolete!”)! There were apparently sneak peeks of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Thor: Ragnarok with a tacky new logo, & Spider-Man: Homecoming. Then there was bit about Black Panther & the official confirmation of Brie Larson as Ms. Marvel Binary Warbird Captain Marvel. Double boo to them not announcing Rachel Talalay’s She-Hulk!

Agents of SHIELD had a trolley with flaming chains that made fans freak out about Ghost Rider being on the show. I thought, “Nah, that’s just Aussie Gambit’s Hellfire’s chain in a cruel trick to get our hopes up.” Then they announced Ghost Rider really will be on Agents of SHIELD next season! What?! How can they afford to do Ghost Rider justice when the keep blowing the CGI budget on shots of a plane docking with another plane that nobody cares for? Are they really going to go all-in on magic? Danny Ketch is my preferred Ghost Rider, so I’m slightly dismayed they’re using Robbie Reyes instead. (Thankfully it’s not Nic Cage as Johnny Blaze again.) I just don’t like the idea of a Ghost Rider who drives a muscle car instead of riding a motorcycle. He’s Ghost Rider not Ghost Driver! Yes, I’m splitting hairs over semantics. I don’t care if his car is a lowrider! Hellfire-cycles are scientifically proven to be cooler! Maybe they can win me over by having Ghost Driver drag race Lola?

Judging by what scant context clues I could glean from The Defenders teaser, it looks like the team will be fighting The Hand. After being the thing that I was most excited about in Daredevil’s debut season, they somehow morphed into one of the biggest disappointments of its second. Hopefully it’ll get them out of the way so we won’t need to deal with them in his third season. I want that to be all about Bullseye, Typhoid Mary, Gladiator, & Stilt-Man! Add Mr. Fish to that if they snub him in Luke Cage. (His partner, Dragon Hugger Iron Fist, got a trailer too.)

Surprisingly, the Netflix versions of Jessica Jones & Punisher are getting Marvel Legends. Supposedly a Daredevil will accompany them. Hasbro is doing a good job of delivering 6″ MCU heroes (assorted  Asgardians, powered-up Pepper Potts, TV SHIELD agents, Peggy Carter, Quicksilver, & Vision aside), but it really needs to produce more supervillains to match them. We only have Ultron, a too-short Loki, Bucky, & the forthcoming Baron Mordo (he’s totally going to pull a Sinestro). Iron Monger & Abomination are scaled for 3.75″ toys. The tiny Yellowjacket that came with Ant-Man is debatable. The Mandarin Trevor Slattery was cancelled. I guess Iron Patriot could count if you insist it’s from the scene where James Badge Dale was wearing the armor. The rotocast Destroyer is Marvel Legends sized but doesn’t measure up in articulation.  I still can’t believe they made that space armor Iron Man that continues to peg warm in the GOTG series over Ronan the Accuser or Nebula! No Red Skull, Whiplash, Killian, Malekith, Kurse, Thanos, or Crossbones? They haven’t even made army builders for HYDRA soldiers, Ultron sub-prime mortgages drones,  & various alien cannon fodders. Quit trying to force my toy shelves into Civil War, Hasbro! I already have a hard enough time keeping them standing when the weather gets hot!

In addition to Dazzler, Polaris, classic costume Sunfire, & a Warlock BAF will also be in the next X-Men Legends series! Hopefully the two figures yet to be revealed will make up for repeats of Cyclops & Colossus. There’s plenty of muties to choose from!

This trailer for Legion implies that it is a real TV show that will be happening. They actually called Legion a mutant! This might be better than the X-Men movies since it’s made by the guy that somehow made Fargo into a very watchable TV series. Legion’s hair is still wrong though.

Recently, Marvel freaked out fans by omitting X-Men books from its solicitations. They claimed, however, that the X-line would continue. So Inhumans vs. X-Men is actual comic news. Or not, depending on your perspective on Marvel’s publishing history. Remember when superheroes had better things to do than fight other superheroes?

Whoever wanted a gritty remake of the 1976 King Kong remake with MCU stars is getting their wish via Kong: Skull Island.

Apparently there was a surprise Doctor Who 13 Doctors exclusive set. You’re supposed to announce these things before the convention, Underground Toys!

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword confuses me. I’m not digging Arthur Pendragon as a young thug with shaky-cam skills. And I thought Guy Ritchie had moved beyond wiseass crook protagonists. Give him seven Hells, Roose Bolton! Then unambiguous magic stuff happens & it’s kind of interesting? It seems like it would benefit from being it own fantasy tale instead of half-modernized Arthurian one. Where are the ladies? The title is also unwieldy. Why not just call it Legend of Excalibur? I get not compressing the entire Arthurian mythos into one movie so it’s barely comprehensible like Excalibur, but maybe stretching it out into six movies isn’t the right strategy either.

Star Trek: Discovery will have a very unfortunate acronym.

The trailer for Bryan Fuller’s  American Gods looks fantastic! I’ve seen people complaining the visuals are too whimsical instead of gritty, to which I ask: What Neil Gaiman book were you reading? I want to devour this series right now! Bless you for making this, STARZ, & also curse you for not being a channel included in my cable!

Thanks for making it through all that with me. Y’all come back next week for my Preacher season 1 review!

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