Bureaucracy Kicks Godzilla In Shin

Shin Gojira a.k.a. Shin Godzilla a.k.a. Godzilla Resurgence is the first Godzilla film I’ve actually seen in a cinema. It wasn’t what I expected from a kaiju movie, but it turned out to be a welcome palate cleanser. Thankfully only a few brief scenes are found footage, which is somehow a revolutionary notion to Hollywood.

I wary about the film since the title monster is uncharacteristically grotesque. Much like how the MCU’s Abomination looks less like the comic character than a roided out zombie (or DC’s Doomsday), J-Horror Gojira is made of melty broccoli. (Young Justice’s Kobra-Venom infused Mammoth is another apt visual comparison.) It will randomly drown you in its own blood before blasting you with the atomic rave rays randomly shooting out of its dorsal spines. I actually preferred its debut form as gawky amphibian that instinctively smashes its googly-eyed face through buildings like my cat opening doors with her mind. Instead of being a separate appetizer kaiju, this “evolves” itself into a slightly more traditional yet icky Godzilla. (Actually it acclimates or mutates, as evolution applies to species not individuals.) So this Gojira could probably be defeated by a Pokeball.

There’s some attempt at biological realism, mostly via a hoopy frood who really knows where is pink towel is, that doesn’t hold up to scrutiny. There’s a giant origami to explain how Gojira somehow metabolizes energy from the atmosphere, making its entire mouth superfluous. Luckily the largest Gojira thus far (the film acknowledges that its feet shouldn’t be able to support it, then ignores this structural improbability) goes into torpor long enough for the plucky misfit GULF committee to devise a scientific strategy to stop it. Despite being made by the man that brought you Neon Genesis Evangelion, the solution doesn’t even involve giant mech suits piloted by neurotic teens!

This is both the least & most complicated Godzilla movie I’ve seen. It’s a hard reboot where the entire plot is vanquishing Godzilla & there’s no other kaiju. What makes it complex is the level of bureaucracy involved in accomplishing this. (What ever happened to the good old days of green ape aliens trying to conquer the world by framing Gojira with a robot duplicate that can only be defeated by partnering with an ancient magical monster?) A Gojira film suffused with red tape is something I never realized I needed until I saw it. Somehow it escalates from dull obligation to Gilliamesque satire to bureaucracy inspiration porn. In addition to subtitled dialogue, every scene contains onscreen captions for character names, their official ranks, & the scene location down to the room & floor. It’s the greatest love letter to unnecessary OCD labeling since Batman ’66. This has walk & talk’s too! GO TEAM BUREAUCRACY!

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My electric kettle tried to burn down my kitchen because it was a Rival. But who should come to my rescue but the King of the Impossible, Reverse-Flash? AAAH! He’ll kill every one of us! Doo doo doo doo!

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Bonus out of scale secret origin!

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“Run, you clever boy, & remember!”

“Magenta” reminded me how disappointed I am that Polaris has yet to make her movie debut until I realized Fox bungling her could be worse. Harry to Caitlin “Snow, go tell my kid ‘Conceal Don’t Feel.'” (Why is there so little Killer Frost merch when she appears in so much media?) Is Jesse Quick’s costume recycled from Trajectory? I’m not complaining though; it was a slick suit.

The conclusion to Supergirl’s CW debut didn’t soar quite as high. I liked Metallo at first, but then Cadmus diluted him with a second Metallo. Making multiple Metallos is a great idea in theory, but it runs afoul of the Law of Conservation of Ninjitsu. Instead of having Winn waste time & resources making dorky plastic anti-Kryptonite shields for them, why not just have the Kryptonians wrap themselves in lead? Once the Metallos saw these chestplates block their attacks, why didn’t they aim their chestbump-activated Kryptonite lasers at any other alien anatomy such as the face?

The Metallo menace was quashed thanks to literally heart-breaking tag team murders. Unlike the comics & cartoons where a Metallo death is temporary until his robotic body gets its power source replaced, these cyborg deaths looked gruesomely permanent with the cyborgs hacking up silver blood with their dying breaths. So Supergirl is proof positive that you can make a good Superman story where he’s complicit in killing so long as the last scions of the House of El maintain their cheerful demeanor. Or is this an exception since they let Alex & Martian Manhunter deliver the deathstrokes?

Did Lucy Lane resign from DEO command or did she just get stuck minding the desert base during this escapade? The big bummer is Cat leaving. He made a good point about Kara not having earned her new position, but Snapper Carr is way too grouchy to be named after the Justice League’s original teen mascot. The most important takeaway is Melissa Benoist’s arms of steel were on display.

The terrible mutie death in Death of X either needlessly ruins a character’s happy ending or can be easily retconned away so it’s utterly pointless. It’s the Schrödinger’s cat of death scenes. Just like how Avengers vs. X-Men was AVX, the rest of the Inhumans vs. X-Men event is going to be titled IVX. So that’s sixteen backwards?

Hughbert Jackalman won’t have the iconic Wolverine hair in Wolverine 3 Logan, which is why taking inspiration from Old Man Logan was a mistake. It takes place in the future where mutants area an endangered species, as if it wasn’t bad enough we keep having to sit through that in the comics. If they’ve been hunted down by Essex Corp, that seems redundant given that we’ve already seen Weapon X & Sentinels do that. I refuse to be excited about more Professor X without a gold hoverchair. Supposedly Stephen Merchant is playing Caliban because it has been zero X-movies since a gratuitous continuity error. X-23, Donald Pierce, & his Reavers will be in it in some form. It’s unlikely to feature anything I legitimutantly want in it such as cybernetic dingoes, Omega Red, or a costume as snazzy as Reverse-Flash’s. It probably won’t even include the Reavers crucifying Wolverine in the Outback so Jubilee can finally contribute to the movies by rescuing him.

Like Quake said on Agents of SHIELD, “Whoever is running the Terrible Ideas Division is crushing it!”

I found a secret book lever in a restaurant’s cellar to open a speakeasy door! It was like an episode of Scooby-Doo come to life!

My cat finally slew her tenth rodent, officially making her a Double Ace in the field of mouse murder! And she accomplished all of her double digit deaths without the aid of her front claws! She’s the most frightful four-year-old I know. Her mommy trained her so well!

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