This Custom Is A Rogue One

Yes, you read the headline right. This custom is a Rogue one. It’s just not a Rogue One custom. Now that I’ve lured all you Star Wars fans in, gaze upon my custom X-Men: Evolution Rogue action figure! (Now with moderately improved photographs! Who would’ve thunk daylight would’ve been the missing ingredient?)

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This custom began its life as an X-Treme Rogue, unfortunately afflicted with some broken joints.  Once I got a replacement, I made this one into goth Rogue from X-Men: Evolution since Toy Biz never made one. The first was fortuitously misassembled with the sleeveless arms of her long-haired variant to make this easier. Her pallid complexion gets washed out in photographs, but I assure you she’s the spitting image of legitimutant vampire Kate Beckinsale.

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I’m a bit disappointed this look never made it into mainline continuity like Logan’s lame second suit, inferior to the orange original. The closest it got was this Julie Bell cover where the the green has sadly been replaced by icky yellow. Even with model sheets, promo images, & clips, matching the cartoon colors proved tricky because animators hate consistency. It took me until recently to get the shoulder pads right. In violation of cartoon accuracy, I gave her the collar she only wore in civilian attire.  I extended the green down her sleeves since it’s Rogue’s signature color. Part of me wants to repaint her boots & gloves green too for color unity. The other part of me likes that this costume has so many colors in it to reflect Rogue absorbing various powers. So tell me whether or not I should keep tinkering with it. My easily malleable mind might even be swayed by you.

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0112If you prefer this mutie belle when she leeches all the alien-augmented muscle mass out of Ms. Marvel, check out my other Rogue custom.

Fine, have a Star Wars paragraph: Why isn’t this Wicket bathrobe unisex? Of course since it only comes in one size, it technically is. So what’s the point of specifically marketing it as a women’s robe? It’s shorter than most “men’s” robes yet still taller than the average Ewok, but why assume it’ll only fit women? Meanwhile the Chewbacca robe isn’t extra long to reflect his Wookieness, but I bet it still leaves my calves exposed to the elements. In summation, gendering bathrobes is dumb & ankle length fleecy hooded robes need to be readily available.

I don’t play Avengers Academy, but Black Widow’s alternate costumes continue to be action figure worthy. Where’s the toys of her Soviet Spy, Iron Widow, Symbiote (she reminds me of Jemmacide in Carnage colors with extra legs), & Cthulhu outfits? Get on the ball, Hasbro!

I recently found out that you can get your own Black Widow movie gauntlets. You might not’ve noticed them in person because they’re Disney Store exclusives. Sadly these have more gold in them than the movie props because Iron Man is monopolizing all the gold in the MCU.

The long-delayed Inhumans movie is now going to be a 2017 ABC TV show. So none of the Inhumans set-up in Agents of SHIELD will ever be relevant to the films? I suppose this also nixes rumors of Vin Diesel as Blackbolt & Jessica Chastain as Medusa. Instead of wasting CGI on Lockjaw, they should tape a tuning fork to the noggin of a regular bulldog then use trick photography to make it appear humongous.

Marvel is doing variant covers for USAvengers #1 of the fifty states & Puerto Rico. There’s even a cover for Deadpool, Avenger of Canada? You know damn well Canada isn’t a state, Marvel! It’s just out of USAvengers’ jurisdiction! Why not throw in one for Mexico while you’re at it & rename the series North Americavengers? Oh now there’s a Captain Britain, Avenger of the United Kingdom cover too! Did the UK merge with the USA after leaving the EU while I wasn’t looking?

With a brief homage to The Thing, Supergirl introduced its Parasite. Instead of being a sclub that gets powers from a chemical spill, this Rudy Jones is a doctor that symbiotically bonds with an alien parasite. I see how that explains his miraculous powers better, but Parasite could’ve been another rare instance of a supervillain on this series that’s not extraterrestrial. The DEO demonstrate their continued ineptitude by breaking quarantine isolation without any hazmat suits & then immediately releasing Doctor Indiana Jones without scanning him for alien contamination.

To give the impression of nuance, Rudy is obsessed with thwarting global warming. Sadly him saying that humans are the real parasites of Earth is as far as the writers go with making him seem like a compelling foe. (At least he had a semblance of personality unlike The Shade of the eponymous The Flash episode, who ironically has some of the richest characterization in comics.) He has to contend with not one but two rabid climate change deniers on his university board, one of whom is named Rand-O.  The episode assumes it doesn’t need to show its audience that climate change is a genuine concern. This is just like the time it showed us a woman President who appeared to be a shady alien in disguise. We all saw how that influenced recent events on our Earth.

Rudy turns into a giant purple people-eater after noshing on Supergirl & Martian Manhunter. His CGI design looks a bit too much like a palate-swapped White Martian, so putting William Mapother (weirdly good yet underused casting) in a mauve Flukeman costume would’ve made a better impression. Sadly Parasite didn’t gain the full gamut of Martian & Kryptonian powers in order to make James’s Guardian debut not an abject failure. Then Supergirl explodes Parasite by overloading him with radioactive plutonium. Couldn’t the radiation have negated his powers so he could be locked up instead of squandering another classic villain?

So Kara’s kill count has risen to two confirmed (Red Tornado & Parasite), one unconfirmed (Non), & one assist (Metallo). Isn’t Supergirl supposed to have a strict no-murder policy like Superman? (Superman killing General Zod in Man of Steel due to lack of Phantom Zone access, Kryptonite, or a prison that could hold him, however, was the right choice in that situation despite diehard Superfans despising it. Although theoretically he might’ve been able to gruesomely & thoroughly mutilate Zod so he’d be alive but no longer a threat to all life on Earth without compromising his ideals.) She hasn’t displayed any emotional reactions to these intentional deaths. (It’s kind of like how Daredevil was so fretful in season one about possibly killing Kingpin then was totally blase about having actually sent Nobu the ninja to a fiery, albeit temporary, death.) That’s a huge missed dramatic opportunity if we’re not to believe Supergirl is the world’s most chipper sociopath. Quit gunning for my title, Kara!

You know Batman movies tend to have regular gangsters in addition to the supervillains you actually paid to see? They shouldn’t do that in The Batman, a.k.a. Deathstroke v. Batfleck: Dawn of Night. I only want to see weird gimmick gangs of Gotham, if at all. Between his masked underlings, lack of signature weapons, sadistic torture, & complete absence of a funny bone, Black Mask is a bit too close to Leto’s Joker (but would almost assuredly wind up being more charismatic by default). Penguin seems like the obvious choice, despite Christopher Nolan being too busy whitewashing the al Ghuls & Bane to understand a mobster with a weaponized umbrella would’ve fit seamlessly into his “grounded” flicks. I’d recommend Scarface & the Ventriloquist for variety. Crooks being ordered about by an Al Capone Muppet & a stuttering Bob Balaban type (or they could use one of his female successors) would be uniquely unnerving. How have they not been on Gotham yet, especially as Arnold Wesker (any relation to Albert?) is supposed to be older than Batman? The Mod Gorilla Boss would be my next choice.

 I should’ve named my kitty The Black Mercy because all she wants to do is ensnuggle me like a slumber purrasite!

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