There’s Too Much TV!

Remember when I complained about there being too much TV on Tuesdays? Now Wednesday is vying to top it with (Green) Arrow, The 100, The Magicians, The Expanse, & Legion. Why is it always feast or famine with quality genre shows? And why can’t they spread themselves out on different days better? I haven’t even gotten around to binging Luke Cage, Stranger Things, The OA (strangely not about the Green Lantern Corps homeworld), or A Series of Unfortunate Events yet! Have an early blog this week so I can focus on watching more TV instead of writing my next novel!

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“Two winter finales in one season? This is madness!”   “Madness? THIS IS GOTHAM!!!”

Gotham’s second winter finale of the season, “The Gentle Art of Making Enemies,” was so awesome it literally punched a dude’s face off!   (Jerome should get the Dollmaker to fix that afore he gets kicked into a vat of chemicals.) Why was the carnival the only place with electricity during the blackout? I don’t care because I finally saw someone be devoured by piranhas in a dunk tank! Bruce goading Jerome to shoot staples into his arm to use as (highly improbable) lock-picks then pretending to be pained so he wouldn’t catch on was the most Batman thing he’s done since he tricked Silver St. Cloud into confessing. (He loses points for neither hiding the Court of Owls’ statue in the BatCave two episodes ago nor splurging for decent security despite stately Wayne Manor being attacked like six times already.)

Edward “I don’t believe in no ghosts!”Nygma’s getting a legitimutant Riddler costume! Will Query & Echo debut? Might as well have master Bruce suit up as Batboy too. How many episodes until Hugo Strange un-kills Oswald? If only the Court of Owls could replace Gordon with a clone that’s not an insufferable prat…

It turns out even-numbered seasons are the good ones on Agents of SHIELD. Even without Ghost Driver Rider, the LMD plotline is solid. It was an interesting twist that even reading the Darkhold didn’t make AIDA sentient. It does make Dr. Radcliffe a mad scientist trope, but he’s such an endearing pacifist that I resent SHIELD for keeping his gynoid from reading this grimoire to benefit humanity. They’ll rue the day they delayed him from from practicing techno-magic! Seriously, can this this arc end with SHIELD realizing it was in the wrong & its authoritarian stubbornness exacerbated the situation?

I wasn’t initially sold on FitzSimmons becoming a romantic partnership, but they’re the most well-adjusted couple currently on geeky TV. Alphonso Mack Turtle Man & Elena Yo-Yo Slingshot (this cast has too many canon nicknames) are the nerdiest robophobic couple, even if he inexplicably doesn’t acknowledge hatchets as axes. Koenig should use the SEO-friendlier Quidow instead of Quack for Quake/Black Widow erotica … unless he wants duck porn. Since MCU & comics Quake now look identical (the only benefit to her losing the pixie cut is that it’s now possible to differentiate between Quake & Maria Hill without seeing their gloves), Hasbro should produce at least one version. She didn’t make either of my Marvel Legends wishlists, but this is definitely a thought that occurred to me.

Right after its imbecilic fanwank over George Lucas, Legends of Tomorrow rebounded with an episode that addressed many of my misgivings. Apparently Rip didn’t rewrite his persona with the Holy Lance as last episode implied. I didn’t understand why Reverse-Flash needs  Merlyn & Darkh as henchmen, but they used character development to explain it & spackle some plot holes.  Stein finally remembered who Reverse-Flash is after we learn the Time Masters have no data on time remnants. (More evidence of the Time Masters sucking.) Eobard Thawne needs the Holy Lance to cease being a time remnant so Black Flash (why did the time wraiths turn Zoom into a super-time wraith?) will leave him alone. It not being to sense Hsalf while he’s not using the Speed Force is even consistent with him being free of time wraiths while Flash locked him up during Flashpoint. Instead of betraying each other, the understaffed Legion of Doom fought the Black Flash as a team-building exercise.  Merlyn & Darkh sniping at each other was delightful. I still don’t understand time remnants & time wraiths, but it’s a start. So how much longer do we have to wait until Heatwave resurrects Captain Cold with the Holy Lance?

Why couldn’t (Green) Arrow have served up tough cop Black Canary from episode one instead of subjecting us to four seasons of Laurel? Fifth time’s (if you include Alex Kingston) the charm! Was Sean Sonos supposed to be the fourth Count Vertigo (The Top is the best) or Sonar? Now I recall Central City has two Linda Parks that are journalists in separate media too.

As promised back when I debuted the pre-Toy Fair wish list series with the top ten DC TV characters that need toys, here’s the long awaited top ten wish list for DC Icons. While DC Collectibles’ DC Icons series seems focused on major players, I’ve widened my parameters to any characters I felt haven’t gotten a satisfactory action figure from DCC or Mattel yet. (Feel free to take a shot at these too, Mattel.)

10) Prometheus – Not to be confused with the uninspired villain of (Green) Arrow season 5, the dude that beat up the JLA by himself needs a Promethium truncheon & a key to Limbo.

9) Bleez – Include a  power battery & translucent red vomit attachment so this skeletal winged Red Lantern will fly off the shelves.

8) KGBeast – This Russian supersoldier ought to include a normal right hand so everyone can recreate the scene where he lops it off to escape Batman & later replaces it with an included gun-hand.

7) Cheetah – Wonder Woman’s archnemesis deserves a fully articulated action figure with sculpted fur texture. The New 52 design is virtually unchanged since the classic George Perez look, so DCC could cover all bases (unless you’re one of those people that wants exhibitionist Barbara Minerva to wear some damn clothes) if they included an alternate Rebirth head sans luscious locks & the Godslayer dagger.

6) Starfire -An action figure of her classic outfit with clear green energy blasts would definitely be iconic. If she has translucent hair it can blend in with a detachable fire trail base to let her hover above the rest like an improved version of her original toy’s accessories. If that bumps this Tamaranean princess up into deluxe range, DCC might as well toss in an anachronistically modern Silkie Syl’Khee too.

5) Killer Frost – Three women have taken up her mantle with a variety of costume designs (I’m partial to Underworld Unleashed Louise Lincoln) to choose from, but overall Killer Frost needs to look like living ice (pearlescent paint or translucent plastic?) & include some cryokinetic effect pieces.

4) Big Barda – A shiny New 52 Mr. Miracle was made in DC Icons series one, so an equally metallic version of his much taller wife (whose costume radically changed with each New 52 appearance, so I guess her classic look would match just as well) armed with her Mega-Rod & hammer-scythe is overdue.

3) Lashina – If she can headline a LEGO set, surely this whip-wielding Female Fury deserves to be in DC Icons.

2) Ambush Bug – The original breaker of fourth walls ought to come packaged with Argh!Yle! & Cheeks the Toy Wonder.

1) Kyle Rayner – The best human Green Lantern must be clad in his original ST:TNG meets chunky armor costume! The crab mask alone does not a good Kyle Rayner outfit make. Don’t forget his unique Green Lantern power battery & some creative ring constructs.

The imdb is shutting down its messages boards February 20 because they’re too cheap to hire moderators to put out all the dumpster fires. Rather than reminding patrons of “report post” & “ignore user” functions for trolls, the baby goes out with the bathwater. I shall miss arguing with strangers over whether it’s accurate for Wonder Woman to have a – gasp! – non-American accent. Now what am I going to use for free blog advertising when I write about flicks like Resident Evil: The Final Chapter? Perhaps I’ll do one last hurrah with a The LEGO Batman Movie review.

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