So there’s no through-line to this week’s blog! You like hearing anecdotes about my glossy-pelted kitty, right? Someone in the neighborhood honked their horn during my cat’s lunch, & she immediately left her meal to go to the door as if she expected her ride had arrived.
I found dirty footprints on my kitchen floor. The prints had four toes, but my cat has six. DUN DUN DUN! Is my kitty clever enough to disguise her footprints or has some normal-toed feline gotten into the house?
My brother-in-law said there’s no value in a conversation about whether my cat looks like King Kong:
My review of Kong: Skull Island was both my most liked & least read post of 2017 thus far! In honor of the big ape, here’s some random animal trivia that didn’t fit anywhere else: Vampire deer exist! Meanwhile vampire bats lope like The LEGO Batman Movie’s Scuttler! Texas uses alligators on Groundhog Day for climate prognostication because it’s biologically impossible for them to eat KFC until spring is definitely inbound! Garlic is more effective against cats that vampires!
I was all set to discuss “Duet,”the Supergirl / The Flash musical team-up. Then I noticed the rest of the Interwuzzle had basically the same reaction to it as I did, which makes writing about it less fun. Uh, good job getting a nearly universal reaction! So that makes my commentary more worthless than usual! In case this is your go-to source for televisual opinions, I’ll quickly summarize them:
“Super Friend” by Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’s Rachel Bloom was easily the best song, yet nothing was as electrifying as Professor Stein spontaneously belting out “The Banana Boat Song” during Apollo 13. (A rendition so nice, Legends of Tomorrow played it twice!) Setting the musical as only a shared superhero coma hallucination was unnecessarily wasteful as half the episode was boringly non-musical. If the folie à deux was only a musical because Kara & Barry love them, then what makes this blandly attired antagonist the Music Meister? Since he was an omnipotent fourth wall breaker, why wasn’t he Mr. Mxyzptlk instead of the skeevy one they served up less than ninety days ago? Why bother breaking up the lead couples of two shows just to flimsily stick them back together an episode later? (This especially sucks that Supergirl’s empowering split with Mon-El instantly got rolled back in someone else’s program.) I was anticipating loving this episode, but it was merely agreeable because it didn’t go far enough with the concept & the villain was lazy writing incarnate (who’s getting a book deal in the near future because “why not?” at this point). Unlike “Mayhem of the Music Meister!,” “Duet” fell flat.
Speaking of lazily written villains, we need to talk about Prometheus the malevolent Mary Sue. (Uh SPOILERS for (Green) Arrow season 5!) He’s way too effortlessly successful without the credibility to support it. In under four years, he became a ninja, became a bar-approved lawyer, plotted an elaborate yet foolproof revenge scheme, established a convincing fake background as Adrian Chase (they used our knowledge of comics against us again!), married someone that didn’t know he was a serial killer, called dibs on numerous abandoned buildings, & became District Attorney. Even if Star City goes through DAs like wet naps at a BBQ festival, surely the city has a better vetting process than to go with the first Ray Liotta clone with a pulse? He dresses like Komodo who dresses like Merlyn, which means Star City’s evil archers really need separate tailors. (I really wanted to see the atompunk knight helmet from the comics.) Savitar may not be the most compelling of foes, but he’s still a believable season long threat for the Flash. Prometheus, on the other hand, doesn’t bring anything unique to the Big Bad table (psychological warfare is NOT a new trick!), so I don’t understand why he’s giving Green Arrow more trouble than the League of Assassins & HIVE. (If it turns out Savitar is really Prometheus, that could explain why he has time for everything & knew about Black Siren being held at STAR Labs.)
I thought Prometheus would finally snatch defeat from the jaws of victory when he abducted Green Arrow. Oliver has had a tracking beacon in his boot as a kidnapping contingency since the first season finale! Since this was demonstrably useful, I can’t see Ollie omitting it from successive costumes. Felicity should’ve been able to find him instantly without shady Helix hackers (that weren’t helpful anyway). Apparently she didn’t even try the tracker first. The writers didn’t even bother handwaving this continuity flaw by insisting Promeheus knew to disable it by obsessively studying Oliver’s shoes for four years. (Which I also would’ve called foul on.) His plan would’ve been foiled if Susan Willaims had just told the SCPD the DA kidnapped her, murdered his wife, & kidnapped the mayor. Prometheus is only winning because Team Arrow is incompetent.
It seems like the world has been on perpetual celebrity death parade since the start of 2016, so I’d fallen off the memorial blog bandwagon. I’ve enjoyed the works of Carrie Fisher, John Hurt, & Bill Paxton, but none of these thespians’ demises hit me as hard as Bernie Wrightson. Not only was he a monstrously talented artist, Bernie Wrightson also had delightful eyebrows. In addition to co-creating Swamp Thing, he illustrated the definitive edition of Frankenstein. He’s the reason a first edition of Stephen King’s Cycle of the Werewolf mysteriously vanished from a local library. I’d met him a few times at Chiller Theatre. He shook my hand & said encouraging remarks. Alas & alack! Behold now the model kit based on “MINE!” (sculpted by Shawn Nagle) that I made:
Gotham doesn’t get enough credit. I would like to thank it for not whitewashing Ra’s al Ghul like Batman Begins & (Green) Arrow did! They’ve cast Alexander Siddig!
Why has has nobody made a movie about Alexandra Daddario & Alison Brie as sisters that shoot literal death rays from their eyes?
It turns out the prime reason I got any views last week was because Dorkly linked to me in “12 Overly Aggressive Wolverine Memes.” Except it cited a meme I’d merely hyperlinked to instead of the overly aggressive Wolverine meme I did make. Hooray for publicity anyway! (This is my “subtle” reminder that sharing this link is caring.)
At the end of next week I’ll try to have a review of Legion season one! If I fail, try the week after. It’ll definitely be up well in advance of whenever I get around to reviewing
Ironic Fisting Iron Fist.