Sara Lance & The Raiders Of The Legendary Spear!

Legends of Tomorrow is the most improved DC TV show, but I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say it’s the best. It’s still too inconsistent. But when it’s fun, like the last few season two episodes I’m about to SPOIL, it’s very fun!

After being naively sporting with the fate of reality at stake, I really appreciated the Legends taking the initiative to steal the rest of the Holy Lance Spear of Destiny from the misnomered Legion of Doom’s lair. Firestorm transmuting its obelisk safe into jellybeans was keen! Too bad Reverse-Flash didn’t do a full table flip!

When it was revealed that Christ’s blood could nullify its powers, the show got very close to breaking the fourth wall. Sara Lance: “So we can just go back to the Crucifixion to end this threat to all reality with some fresh Jesus blood?” Rip Hunter: “Wow, the writers didn’t think this Biblical plot device through. We absolutely cannot go back to an established historical event to depower this touched relic lickety-split! Can you imagine how many angry letters we’d get? We’re already borderline sacrilegious enough as it is!”

Sara_Lance

“My new codename will take you to the bank , Mr. Thawne. To THE BLOOD BANK!”

Naturally the heroes snatch defeat from the jaws of victory by practically pushing Heatwave & the completed Spear into the Legion’s arms. Not only did he fix the global environment in “Doomworld” (the superior version of “Flashpoint” created using he Spear of Destiny), Reverse-Flash even redesigned STAR Labs to resemble the Legion of Doom’s cartoon hideout. I would’ve liked to spend a few episodes set in this new reality, but the show has gotten very economical in its breakneck pacing. He won so hard, the Leg-Ends had to cross the (time)streams! Calling in an army of himself for back-up was cool even if they somehow couldn’t instantly murder two sets of Legends. (Being shot with a normal arrow causes Firestorm to separate?) As a time traveling speedster genius, I find Eobard “popular baby name of the future” Thawne much more credible & charismatic than Prometheus. I’m so sad to see his epic winning streak come to an end! If only he’d recruited his furry son! (Wouldn’t erasing Eobard’s existence again paradox the dickens out of the TV-verse?)

Rip Hunter got to be less of a drip this season. I especially like that Arthur Darvill got a chance to play The Master when the Legion of Doom brainwashed him. Ace of Cakes Rip was much more productive than I’d have been if miniaturized. I don’t mind him departing, however, to avoid cramping the style of Captain Sara Lance, Time Seductress.

The additions of (Citizen) Steel & WWII’s Vixen have yet to wow me. It makes sense for the team to have a historian, but Nate seems a bit too similar to the Atom with half the charm. Vixen’s characterization is either lackluster or inconsistent. Her displacement also has the same looming potential to ruin the timeline (demonstrated by Snart being cold as ice) as the original X-Men that Marvel refuses to send home. I can’t decide whether I prefer her or her modern successor since neither have made a strong enough impression yet. Putting both new characters into a romance didn’t do either any favors, so both disembarking would’ve been hunky-dory. At least Nate isn’t as unlikable as Hawkman, who somehow brought Hawkgirl down even whilst dead, or Mon-El, who’s single-handedly torpedoing Supergirl.

This season made it even clearer that The Atom is the team’s heart. Sir Raymond of the Palms is just so damn wholesome! Haircut is also funny, although not as funny as series MVP Heatwave. (Seriously, how did Heatwave go from being the dullest The Flash foe to the most layered of the LOT?) Nobody completely botches a stealth mission by socking Nazis in the face like Ray Palmer! It’s a pity Brandon Routh’s Superman was wasted on a Richard Donner nostalgia wank.

It was great seeing Captain Cold in the flesh again. He took the non-lethal setting off his cold gun too! I appreciate that they put him back where Reverse-Flash found him with his memory wiped to prevent continuity catastrophes (they totally could’ve killed Merlyn without ruining history though), I will miss having him around full time. It’s odd that two of the Flash’s top villains were killed off in another show.

They did finally the Legends meeting their past selves like I wanted to see in the first season! As a result, the Legends wound up in an Asylum film! Making poor timestream choices finally has consequences! Maybe they can pick up a spare Snart from whatever messed up timeline they wound up in? Since (Green) Arrow doesn’t seem to want to do anything with her anymore, can Speedy board the Waverider next season?

WB announced Joss Whedon will make a Batgirl movie. I am weirdly ambivalent about this. Somehow the top rumor is The 100’s Lindsey Morgan will be its Barbara Gordon. In response, Ms. Morgan posted this suited up image. Seems legit to me! Meanwhile Poison Ivy has been masquerading as Riverdale’s Madelaine Petsch.

Remember when that Sony hack uncovered it was going to make a bunch of Amazing Spider-Man spinoffs nobody wanted before sharing Spider-Man with Marvel Studios? Well they’re back on! Apparently these won’t be collaborations, so the latest Spidey introduced in Captain America: Civil War won’t appear. Their Venom movie will be R-rated like Deadpool & Logan, but they failed to use Life as a Trojan Horse to introduce the symbiote. (Agents of SHIELD made the same mistake for the MCU.) The secret movie with the Glass Ceiling working title is a Black Cat & Silver Sable team-up, even though these two have rarely interacted. Sony had better get Felicity Jones back as Felicia Hardy! Sadly they haven’t announced plans to revive Drew Goddard’s Sinister Six movie too. Sony has yet to inform me how they’ll make solo films for these supporting antagonists without Spider-Man, especially since Venom’s motivation is wholly dependent on him. A source close to Sony implied they might not co-produce another MCU movie after Spider-Man: Homecoming 2 Prom, so maybe they resent easy money?

More importantly, that New Warriors TV show starring Squirrel Girl is officially being made! They need to have Brain Drain be voiced by Werner Herzog! Cross your tails that it turns out as stupendous as Legion!

The Gravity Falls journal infomercial is breathtaking!

Thanks to Katzenworld for spotlighting my kitty on Tummy Rub Tuesday last week!

Right before April Fool’s Day, Comics Alliance shut down … again. French site Comics Box coincidentally closed the same day. Nerd news sites going belly up isn’t a new phenomenon, as Topless Robot, a former patron of me, expired for lack of profitability. This trend of unsustainability in the digital economy seems related to people not wanting to pay for journalism. If actual news is arguably a public good that everyone needs for free, good luck convincing them to pay for even less necessary entertainment news. This explains why a variety of sites I’ve pitched to have either said they’re not hiring or can only pay in exposure. Attend well these harbingers of DOOM!

Fortunately for you, Matt The Catania has never depended on selling enough ads  to please corporate owners! (Any ads WordPress sticks on here don’t benefit me.) So it’ll continue for the foreseeable future! That means until I get fed up with it. Won’t some merciful corporation please buy me out?

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