Got Gotham Gab?

This is one of those relaxing weeks before the new TV season starts up. So I’m going to regale you with some random Batman musings that didn’t fit elsewhere. I repeat “Gotham” a lot even though it won’t return for its swan song until next year like Game of Thrones. (Get a jump on those mash-up videos now, YouTuberrs!) There’s also a bit about that Joker movie that is still happening for some reason & the Doom Patrol show that might be good. This may be a good opportunity to read my Preacher season three review if you prefer a tighter theme. Everybody loves Batman, however, so this is a must read post! After all, utility belts are just organized fanny packs. Pay no mind to whatever Captain Marvel news is happening!

Gotham withdrawal has been batty! I dreamt I spent an entire algebra class discussing season 5 with Morena Baccarin instead of doing any math.

Cory Michael Smith has seen my custom Riddler if my Twitter notifications are to be believed. (The 1985 movie stars 3/4 Gotham cast specifically or 4/4 DC adaptation alumni in general.) Although initially derided, Riddler working for the GCPD makes sense. Edward Nygma’s previous occupations in most continuities were with the gaming industry or Wayne Enterprises. Neither provide a background that’d logically support a successful career in supervillainy. By working in forensics, however, Riddler learns from other criminals’ mistakes & how the local police operate. He doesn’t care that the cops already know his identity. (It’s definitely not something mundane like Eddie Nashton, comic writers who hate nominative determinism!) Congratulations on a successful origin innovation!

While other comic book shows struggle with getting their characters into costume, remember that Gotham gave Scarecrow four outfits in one season. One of them was just a new hat, but it was a really nice hat! Now get a snazzy topper for Oswald! Maybe Mad Hatter can hook him up?

I was promised Gordon would have his moustache in season five, but so far all the set photos show his lip shorn?

Gotham’s final season to debut … The Babsmobile! I like to think it was a typo for Batmobile, but the vehicle department finished it before they edited the script so they had to work it in. Keen Gatling gun, but the Stabby Queen’s chariot could use more knives & flair. Erin Richards told me “I’m way more ‘gunny’ this season but I miss the stab!!” You should see her in a crown.

DSCI5694

“Hey mister, where’s your sister?”

That was me unsubtly bemoaning the lack of of Tabitha the Tigress toys again. Meanwhile Jessica Lucas is engaged to award-winning butcher Alex Jermasek, & I have never regretted my life choices more. Her fellow toy-less costar Cameron Monaghan has been dating Peyton List but not the Peyton List who’s also been on Gotham. (Did this just morph into a romance gossip blog?) How confusing! I’m surprised SAG didn’t make them duke it out for the name like The Tick vs. The Tick Barry Hubris. There can be only one!

Anthony Carrigan looks more like Zombie, one of Bane’s three main henchmen, than pre-Arkham Asylum Victor Zsasz. Why doesn’t Mr. Zsasz ever wear triangular sunglasses anymore?

Screen Junkies needs to make an Honest TV Trailer for Gotham. We would at least get a montage of “supervillains glaring over their shoulders” for the starring section. There’d be a supercut of sadistic bald men too.

I recently discovered Texts From The GCPD. Many of its memes are hilarious without context, despite the site making my computer act janky as I try to scroll down to the start. (Its archive is smoother but requires back & forth clicking.) I thought they were just making up captions to go with the series stills, but I learned all they were independently sourced.  So many of them just line up so perfectly I suspect fans are submitting Gotham-inspired texts to Texts From Last Night just so the this Tumblr will use them. Or the writers specifically tailor scenes based on what they’ve scoured from there. It could be both!

Alfred Pennyworth’s superhero codename should be Man-Servant. (He already has a supervillain codename, The Outsider.)

Poison Ivy’s no sap. According to this unusally buff Sideshow statue, she’s been hitting the gym hard to keep up with her foes. That or she’s decided Venom is the best fertilizer for growing swole. This isn’t another one Erin Stern modeled for, but they look like they could go toe to toe. Then these eight photos of Russian bodybuilder Julia Masina appeared. (There is no gallery with just the complete photo set, so I had to link them individually.) I did not expect life to imitate art in this instance.

Knightfall’s second season cast the Joker but still doesn’t have Bane or Azrael?

Dwarf crocodiles in Gabon may be mutating into as new orange-scaled species. Them eating bats finally makes Killer Croc a thematically appropriate adversary for the Caped Crusader. He should resume wearing his classic orange Speedo to celebrate.

There are baseball cards for Batman At Bat! Gentleman Ghost plays the baseball just as I do! What even is this sport?

It kind of bothers me that modern Catwoman wears goggles as a mask instead of over her mask since she raises them onto her forehead so often. (Contrariwise Gotham’s Selina Kyle has never lowered her goggles over her eyes while she wore them.) Doesn’t she care about protecting her secret identity anymore?

The best live action Robin remains Alan Tudyk. He’s voicing anarchic Mr. Nobody in Doom Patrol! Please go full Grant Morrison! Plus Timothy Dalton is The Chief & Brendan Fraser from the good The Mummy reboot is voicing Robotman! (This will mark their first collaboration since Looney Tunes: Back In Action, which deserves more acclaim than Space Jam.) DC Universe should’ve led with this instead of Titans! If Len Wiseman is directing Swamp Thing, does that mean his ex-wife Kate Beckinsale will be Abby Arcane? She had inverted Abby hair in Underworld: Blood Wars. No, it’s actually Crystal “Sofia Falcone” Reed!

A year of articles insisting he’s quitting Batman have forced Ben Affleck back into rehab. This is a serious health matter, & I wish him a full recovery. That said, I’m sure all the baseless rumor-mongering did not help his sobriety. Without any concrete announcements behind them, they were just mean-spirited puff pieces where the comment sections didn’t mask their schadenfreude even if the authors did. You were supposed to use the free press for good, professional journalism outlets!

Former Black Mask Todd Stashwick is co-writing Suicide Squad 2 (in addition to being Dr. Drakken),whereas Black Mask is supposedly the villain of the Birds of Prey film. I still don’t know how they’ll differentiate him from the Joker who’s already an unfunny torture mobster with masked henchmen.

Alec Bladwin is going to play Thomas Wayne in the Joker movie. Since Batman shamelessly ripped off was inspired by The Shadow & Zorro, this is good meta-casting. NEVER MIND! That was a speedy exit. Are either Anthony Hopkins or Antonio Banderas available?

I’m not sold on this Joker movie for a variety of reasons, but some others’ complaints about it have rankled me. The first complaint is that there shouldn’t be a definitive Joker origin movie because he says in The Killing Joke “If I’m going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice!” The dialogue doesn’t literally mean that the Joker has multiple origins within the same mainline continuity that must never be confirmed. It just means that who he was before falling into the chemicals is unknown. Originally he was a criminal (as the ’89 film & BTAS concur), but Alan Moore revised it so he could’ve been an unwitting patsy. The inciting incident of falling into chemicals has remained consistent since 1951, unlike Catwoman’s shifting background. (Unless Geoff Johns’s The Three Jokers turns out to be Crisis on Infinite Joker Origins!) It’s mostly the details that vary, like whether Batman knocked him into the vat or whether he was attired as The Red Hood. The fact that he didn’t have one earlier was par for the course for Golden Age supervillains. Plus, the Joker lies. That doesn’t mean the movie couldn’t invent a completely new origin ala Gotham. Of course it would be cool if this Joker movie turns out to be a Rashomon-style movie which shows several wildly different versions of how he came to be.

The other complaint is that the Joker’s origin should always be a mystery because that’s how it was in The Dark Knight, which is the “best” version. That may be your favorite interpretation of the character (I don’t concur), but him not having an origin isn’t the core reason why it’s successful. Lots of villains appear in media without origins but that doesn’t automatically make them compelling. Suicide Squad’s Joker doesn’t have an origin either, but nobody loves him. (You could infer that he took a chemical dip since Harley did, but then you can also infer that TDK’s Joker has a background in military intelligence & interrogation.) Not revealing his origin is a ploy to trick viewers into believing Joker is an embodiment of chaos when everything he does is meticulously orchestrated. The real reason that this Joker is so beloved is because he was portrayed by a charismatic actor, had the most dynamic role with the best dialogue, & received a ridiculous amount of plot armor for what is touted as a movie grounded in reality. Theoretically Joker could deliver all that plus an origin. It just probably won’t.

This has been another installment of me misconstruing strangers’ comments on the Interwuzzle.

The Village Voice has been silenced forever. My first professional writing gig was through one of Voice Media’s subsidiaries,  The Robot’s Voice Topless Robot. Alas & alack!

The fact that I’m even considering watching Iron Fist is a desperate cry for help.

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