Birds Of Prey V. The Suicide Squad: Dawn Of Posters

WB released some tidbits about Birds Of Prey & The Suicide Squad. I’ll get to them, but this is merely an excuse to write about various DC Comics things in the backlog! I know you’re only coming here for my Gotham cold takes anyway.

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Following in Wolverine’s filmic footsteps, Suicide Squad’s sequel is getting a “The” instead of a “2” to appear more dignified. The Suicide Squad teaser poster listed the cast, which is essentially everybody rumored to be in James Gunn’s sequel. (They could’ve given Todd Stashwick a role in consolation for not using his screenplay. ) David Dalmatian Dastmalchian is Polka-Dot Man, & John Cena is Peacemaker. Daniela Melchior plays Ratcatcher, who’d better remain a snaggletooth for Rule 63 authenticity. Apparently Steve Agee, not Michael Rooker as previously reported, will voice King Shark despite actual Polynesian Taika Waititi being cast too.

Sadly Killer Croc isn’t returning. (How come he, Joker, Harley Quinn, & Deadshot don’t have Bat-brands in the first movie?) Appropriately Captain Boomerang will be coming back. Viola Davis reprises Amanda Waller, but hopefully Rick Flagg gets set to half mast early.

2/3 of the characters remain unannounced.  Nobody knows if Idris Elba is Bronze Tiger or if he’ll be replacing Joe Manganiello as Deathstroke to wreck Justice League’s continuity. Pete Davidson’s (not to be confused with Peter Davison, the blandest Doctor) inclusion is redundant given the last one already had an unfunny tatted up Joker. Maybe he’ll be Punch & get killed by Jewlee Harley for being a Joker knockoff? Peter Capaldi had his head shaved to do casts for his role. Aliens are rumored to be involved, so now I’m fan-casting him as Despero! (If Waititi is Tuatara, they probably won’t have two characters with three eyes & a head-fin.) Psimon is probably more likely though.

This Katana’s unlicensed 1/6 scale figure. She has my back.

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I wouldn’t be able to tell you anybody on the Birds Of Prey & The Title So Long I Don’t Even Want To Copy/Paste It poster is a DC Comics character just by looking at it. I’ve got a bad feeling this won’t feature any iconic costumes. (If this was a poster for the Charlie’s Angels reboot, however, I’d be delighted at how vibrant the characters appear.) Did they not get the memo from Aquaman? Is Margot Robbie allergic to wearing the classic Harley Quinn suit for a substantial period of time? (She’s producing a new Tank Girl film so she can continue to be typecast but without needing a disguise voice. This time they ought to get an American actress to speak Aussie as Jet Girl!) I get Ewan McGregor may have the cast’s second most bankable face, but Black Mask isn’t even holding a black mask? Where are Mr. Zsasz’s tally scars? At least Nikki Swango Huntress has guns to go with her crossbow.

The underlying poster concept, however, is wonderful. (I’m presuming the cast won’t be Thanagarians. Let’s note how weird it is that Hawkgirl isn’t a core member of the Birds of Prey.) If only we could get a variant with the cast in recognizable outfits! Meanwhile Harley Quinn dissing clowns seems like self loathing (despite a killer backing track).

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Gotham didn’t win its Emmy for sound editing. Why were they nominated for that instead of costume design? The Emmys even have three wardrobe categories (fantasy, period, & contemporary), which would’ve upped their odds as it theoretically qualified for each subdivision. Did they fear Bane was grounds for disqualification? Its hair & makeup department were top tier too. (This prequel was surprisingly light on hair origins compared to X-Men movies.) Why was it never up for Emmys in those categories?

At least Cameron Monaghan finally won a Teen Choice Award for Choice Villain as Jeremiah “this is definitely the Joker” Valeska. As I requested, Star Wars Black is making a Cal Kestis. Hopefully Cal is tall enough that I can fudge him into my Gotham collection. Nobody steal my obvious custom idea which I shall photograph in the worst lighting possible!

Riddler’s bomb hoax in season five reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from Knightfall. After his crew betrays him to pull a heist without any riddles, Riddler vengefully takes a talk show hostage with a fake bomb to expose them with brain teasers. Being used as Bane’s catspaw could be a reference to Bane dosing him with Venom before that so he could observe how Batman fights. So it did obliquely lift things from the comics.

RiddlerBrains

“Ah, dessert: chilled Nygma brains!”

They made Riddler his cane & didn’t use it? WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS. THIS HAS NO PARDON! #JusticeForCane

These images from Hark, A Vagrant! & Texts From Gotham have the same energy.

While he was on Gotham, David Mazouz made a movie with Two-Face. Now that it’s off, the once & future Bruce Wayne is doing one with Black Mask & another Batman.

Thomas Calderone never got a credit for playing Joe the cop.

It’s a pity Ivy Pepper & Ecco never met.

Sofia Falcone, Carmen Sandiego, & Peggy Carter are The Red Fedora Trio.

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This bot-written Batman script is accurate.

The people who insist there shouldn’t be any villains in Gotham City without Batman inspiring them based of Nolan’s trilogy are the same people that forget Scarecrow & Ra’s al Ghul existed independently of him in Batman Begins.

What if Waylon Jones went by the codename Florida Man? He exclusively should wear Lacoste shirts.

It seems like everybody is writing a Joker mini-series or one shot to tie into the Joker movie I am still disinterested in. I want to confirm to you, dear reader, that I am not writing one. Thank you for your concern. You may rest easy now.

Instead of Bruno, Frank Miller should’ve named his villainess with swastika pasties Nazi-Nips.

Catwoman was responsible for The Great Gotham Milk Flood.

The most passive aggressive thing to call Batman is “Detective.”

The Guardian really published “A Batman v Joker movie could make Marvel’s Avengers look like the Powerpuff Girls” as a headline. (Please do not encourage them by clicking this link. It’s only included to verify that I did not invent their bad take. Read this award-winning headline instead.) I am so proud The Powerpuff Girls fandom has come out in full force to tell them that’s not an insult. Their title sequence ends with them standing victoriously atop a pile of their brutally vanquished enemies. The PPG are hardcore! Plus we already have a Batman v. Joker movie. It’s called Batman ’66.

In Soviet Russia, Nicholas is the Cagey Beast.

Does Life After Beth count for Aubrey Plaza as Solomon Grundy in her quest to play as many Batman foes as possible? (Burying the Ex was mostly better though.)

Bane’s got anew gig!

Listings for Batman Forever Riddler & Robin toys by Mattel mysteriously appeared & just as quickly disappeared from Amazon. Another Riddler also inexplicably vanished from the the trio of “vintage” Batman toys. Rumor has it the assortment shown at SDCC 2018 with Batman Ninja Joker, Flashpoint Aquaman, Black Canary, Simon Baz, Hawkgirl, Mammoth, & Clayface’s alternate hands has been cancelled. Way to end your last year with the DC license with a bang, Mattel! I dare McFarlane Toys to drop the ball harder next year.

Reaper is the best dressed Batman foe because he inspired the armor in Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Phantasm, & The Venture Brothers’ Red Death.

Given enough prep time, Batman couldn’t make his own meal because of learned domestic helplessness.

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Remember when DC tried to cash in on the original She-Ra & the Princesses of Power with Wonder Woman & the Star Riders? It amazes me that they invented Purrsia to be a Catra ripoff when Cheetah & Catwoman were right there!

Lion Woman had two Danish Amazons from Wonder Woman! It’s a really good movie on top of that. Now I have to find a translation of the book it was based upon.

Kristen Wiig is Cheetah, but what if another villain of Wonder Woman 2 was Egg-Fu? Once you excise all the racism, you’ve got a giant sentient egg with a prehensile moustache! I hear Robert Kanigher & his yellow bowtie would be the Big Bad.

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Lois Lane is the power fantasy whereas Superman is the altruism fantasy.

Has anyone ever named their dog Eartho? Krypto obviously should’ve been named Dogger-El. He’d bark only in rhyme.

Wear your archenemy’s hair as a trophy!

Matzohball by Sol Weinstein proposed the ultimate Superman prequel, Supersperm!

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Earth-Sensible seems nice.

Blumhouse is making a Magic 8 Ball horror movie to piggyback on SHAZAM!

The House of Secrets # 123 has a time traveling ice cream man who attempts to kill King Arthur. He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for that meddlesome Merlin! This also contains a boy who teaches a ghost the “Look out behind you!” trick.

Aquaman 2 should cast Doug Jones so both the Sexy Fishmen will be in one convenient place.

In Black Mirror’s “Striking Vipers,” Black Manta becoming Mantis & Falcon becoming Murk had to be an intentional stealth DC/Marvel crossover.

Booster Gold’s name ought to be Chest-Star Blue.

I’m really disappointed to hear Rasputin was just shot by MI6. Should DC make Kyle Rayner a relative of Oswald Rayner?

Larfleeze would’ve been named Greedo if it hadn’t already been taken. He has a warthog head. A hogshead is large unit of measurement for alcohol, which can be frozen. It all makes sense now!

Why is Crime-Lad not an archenemy of the LOSH?

Starfire asks the tough questions.

Biloko was Beast Boy the whole time!

Swamp Thing just does psychedelic yam sex. You’d think he’d try growing a plant penis too.

Scooby-Doom Patrol is a perfect mash-up.

There’s been an epidemic of kids strung out on Hellblazer since they snuck John Constantine onto Justice League Action!

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Last week was DuckTales, & on the horizon will be an overview for Preacher’s final season. After that is a review of the season premieres of The CW’s DC programs (& possibly Riverdale). There’s a lot of them, so I may split them up, unless you’d prefer a gargantuan post after they’ve all aired. Speak up now, dear readers. Before all that, there may be another blog of non-current events. Keep a weather eye out for it!

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