Tubi Or Not Tubi?

Preacher’s swansong isn’t airing until this Sunday, so I can’t post my season four review yet. The CW’s season premieres are even further away. So this one’s going to be another free choice esoteric installment. (Aren’t they all?)

I’ve been remiss in my Netflix viewing lately. There’s a bunch of original series I’d like to check out like The Dark Crystal prequel, but i don’t feel a though there’s a rush. Almost every time a try to view a specific unaffiliated movie, however, Netflix doesn’t offer it. Its selection is dwindling.

This is what lead me to fall into a Tubi rabbit hole. It’s a free streaming site with a more eclectic range of titles. They’ll intermittently toss in a short ad, but it’s negligible. (It may seem a bit desperate if you get a few in a row extolling its own virtues.) This post is going to read like free advertising for Tubi. I would also be amenable to being paid to write nice things about your site, Tubi! I’ve been trying to watch as much stuff as possible since I’m paranoid this is too good to last. So without further ado, here’s some of what I’ve perused. (Batman & Star Wars tidbits follow afterwards.) I shall endeavor to concise & low on spoilers. Add a “spoiler text” option, WordPress!

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DEATH BED: THE BED THAT EATS!!! I have seen it! DEATH BED: THE BED THAT EATS is the most important film of this or any generation. I was shocked to discover Patton Oswalt’s skit about it contains some glaring inaccuracies about the origin of the eponymous DEATH BED.

Why’d La La Land get all the attention for being a retro musical over Jeffrey St. Jules’s Bang Bang Baby? Jane Levy can sing! (Is it just me or is there some casting rivalry between her & Emma Stone? Or is that just among fans arguing which non-genuine ginger would be the better Barbara Gordon?) She should get more musical roles, preferably where she’s another mutated Canuck. Peter Stormare gets a song too! Roast beaver is served! It would’ve been stronger without the twist that unnecessarily removes a major selling point 5/6 through.

I wish I’d seen Party Girl at a more formative age. (Parker Posey should reprise Danica Talos for the MCU.)

The Stuff, a schlocky consumerism satire, is a favorite motion picture of Rupert Grint. It was also notoriously hard to find after a special effects company, Effects Associated, sued the controversial director, Larry Cohen, for non-payment. Garrett Morris as kung fu-ist & cookie mogul was intriguing, although the climax does him a great disservice. Apparently there’s an armed militia that owns its own American radio station?

Pet actually has a good twist in the center to distinguish it from The Collector, but the final scene beggars belief. Dominic Monaghan uses the most obnoxious American disguise voice, although Ksenia Solo is always a pleasure.

Verily Sadomaster: Total Mayhem is the magnum opus of Argentine splatterpunk. Tubi didn’t provide the option of subtitles or dubbing, but it did provide ample Molly of Denali commercials. It is not a great film outside of filling a niche for maggoty dicks.

For having such a great cast, Suburban Gothic was surprisingly meh. This scene was a highlight since Matthew Gray Gubler really is a wizard. (Meanwhile Kat Dennings will meet literal Mew-Mew in Dollface.) I would’ve been more disappointed if I’d seen Excision first. That was also made by Richard Clark Jr. except it was phenomenal. Where are his & Annalynne McCord’s Oscars? Maybe dirtbag genius is my aesthetic? (See also Stinky Raincoat Zeph on Killjoys.) Everything about this high school medical horror tragedy was superb from its players to its dream sequences.

A Field In England actually says the gold was the friends made along the way. Not only is it an immersive black & white buddy film set during the English Civil War, its approach to magic is psychedelic & shamanic. This bodes very well for Ben Wheatley & Amy Jump tackling Tomb Raider 2 next.

Incident At Loch Ness is the superior directorial debut from a co-writer of X-Men 3. Did I mention Tubi has a bunch of Werner Herzog movies?

Tubi has every episode of Powerless for free! Live each day like it’s No Consequence Day!

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I’ve finished marathoning Kim’s Convenience on Netflix. It somehow typifies & transcends a standard sitcom. The cast is too darn likable! I don’t care what Appa says. Janet is a fine dancer. She spreads her tea bags all day long! I’m surprised this is Nicole Power’s only non-theater gig because she’s crushing it! (I couldn’t find a clip of her singing because it’s too powerful to be unleashed upon the world.) Contrariwise Jean Yoon has been in figuratively everything! Mr. Kim could kill 30-50 feral hogs with his army spoon. Simu Liu, Jung the prodigal son, is going to be Shang-Chi! My favorite sight gag is the season three episode with the tan line for Jung’s watch. Gerald Tremblay is the best live action Jimmy Olsen. Mr. Mehta is so regal because he’s played by a former Fraggle Rock writer. How’d they fit three seasons into one play?

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Last week’s blog was late for The Suicide Squad & Birds Of Prey news, but it was surprisingly punctual for Batman’s eightieth birthday last Saturday. Isn’t Batman Day in February for Bruce Wayne’s birthday? Is this like National Doughnut Day, where it strikes multiple times a year? Somebody get Calendar Man to verify this!

Why do people like Jeph Loeb’s version of Calendar Man? He took a criminal whose gimmick is knowing what day it is & made him even less remarkable. Wow, he has has months tattooed around his scalp. (Tim Sale’s art is probably the main reason people still talk about The Long Halloween & Dark Victory.)  The Pre-Crisis version that put effort into a week of Asgardian cosplay is much better. The last time he was interesting was when he was pissed he missed out on Y2K.

Apparently Jeffrey Wright will be Commissioner Gordon in The Batman. So either this prequel is in a separate continuity or WB is emphatic about disavowing Justice League. (The Snyder Cut will be released in twenty-six years just like the Donner Cut of Superman II.) Jonah Hill is rumored to be up for the Riddler. He should only be allowed to play Jonah Hex because they have the same first name.

Now that McFarlane Toys has the license to both…

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I don’t have any pictures that go with the above, so let’s throw in some Star Wars too.

dewback

This Dewback with poseable tongue was the first action figure I put into Alfred E. Neuman’s “What me worry?” pose. It came about when I noticed it has way more articulation than can be practically used, yet I still had to prop it up. (It got individually jointed toes instead of Nightcrawler?) I got it on clearance for $25, marked down from an absurd $60. This running joke has become even less funny now that MAD Magazine is dying a slow death.

Triple Force Friday is the new marketing term to denote a single toy release day for three distinct media (Episode IX, Jedi: Fallen Order, & The Mandalorian) while missing that it’s only THE Force.

How is Ian Mandalore the Mandalorian going to get any sick bops without an antenna?

My all consuming hatred of Dengar is the only thing fueling my will to live.

There’s a Star Wars Holiday Special coin for Life Day?

Han Solo did it all for the Wookie! You can tell Chewbacca is a Hobbit because of his big hairy feet. My cat disapproves of the noises he makes.

The Great Star Wars Heist is terrifying.

“You know nothing, Jabba.”

What if Rey just has a red lightsaber in The Rise Of Skywalker because she’s tired of the Sith monopoly on them? After all, Luke took back black.

Kevin Feige is producing a Star Wars (it’s never a Star Peace), so be prepared for a freakout when Brie Larson is confirmed as a Jedi.

I’m not getting excited about the next Star War until I see some Grodd damn Ewoks!

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Y’all come back early next week for the Preacher season four review!

3 thoughts on “Tubi Or Not Tubi?

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