Gamorrean Gourd Cancels Halloween

Everything is cancelled! Trick or treat?

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Who guards the Gamorreans? Continuing the tradition of combining Jack-o-Lanterns with puns, this is a Gamorrean gourd. The pumpkin was extra thick this year. This was good for not accidentally tearing through it during delicate incisions, yet time-consuming for removing unwanted chunks. If you’re not a Gamorrean guard fan, it could be carved in the likeness of some demon instead. From certain angles it looks skull-faced rather than pig-faced. If I had to do it over again, I’d bring the helmet to a taper & enlarge the snout.

Rose Tico has been removed from merchandise she was originally intended to be pictured on.

Is Zorii Bliss going to be Rey’s mom? (Where is Keri Russell’s Emmy? Her The Americans co-star Julia Garner won one by going to her playbook.) I don’t trust JJ Abrams not to ruin her parents being unimportant.

Freddie Prinze Jr.’s Star Wars rant is great, although I do want Gray Force wielders for balance of a non-binary sort.

Preacher’s Julie Ann Emery taught True Blood’s  Carrie Preston to do X-Wing battles for a play.

Revenge of the Porgs!

The Star Wars spin-off trilogy by Benioff & Weiss has been axed. That’s two more kicked to the curb by Kathleen Kennedy! People who’ve been personally victimized by the final season of Game of Thrones say this is great news! (I’m still waiting to be upset firsthand. I’ve already heard too much!) The fact that Netflix is still paying this duo nine figures diminishes the schadenfreude a bit. HBO even beheaded the GOT prequel by Jane Goldman starring Naomi Watts. They did, however, pick up a different GOT prequel plus Green Lantern & Strange Adventures series for HBO Max.

I’m surprised nobody beat me to the punch of combining Cal Kestis with Joker to form Jermiah Valeska. (Did I go from “almost clever” to “legitimutantly clever” without anyone informing me?) Cameron Monaghan follows Mark Hamill’s precedent of being both the Joker & a Jedi. (There’s a whole deck of Joker playing cards when he should only be on two.) Do you think Jack Nicholson, Jared Leto, & Joaquin Phoenix will ever join them? Or does having an Oscar disqualify Jokers from becoming Jedi?

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“Jeremiah be a Jedi tonight!”

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How dare Freeform cancel Cloak & Dagger? We haven’t even gotten to Mr. Jip yet! After it cancelled the award-winning Shadowhunters despite its very vocal fanbase, what shows does Freeform have left? Since Freeform is owned by Disney, it can’t blame Netflix this time. (I’m still mad about Iron Fist not getting a third season too!) Cancel Hellstrom & give its episodes to The Divine Pairing! At least Tyrandy will pop up in Hulu’s Runaways season three featuring the stellar casting of Elizabeth Hurley as Morgan LeFay. This’ll probably be its final season too. Ghost Rider was already cancelled before it revved up.

Rumor has it that this is happening due to Jeph Loeb being pushed out of Marvel’s TV department as Kevin Feige gets even more creative control. Behind the scenes bad blood could be why Marvel’s movies spitefully distanced themselves from the television series. The spin is they’re making way for Disney+ series that will be canon to the MCU, even though that was already the selling point for the prior shows. Feige must’ve learned cancelling projects he didn’t personally oversee from Disney’s treatment of Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Spectacular Spider-Man, Wolverine & the X-Men, & The Gifted.

Another rumor is the Inhuman royal family will be recast for Ms. Marvel’s Disney+ show. ABC’s Inhumans mini-series was very bad (What if the final season of Agents of SHIELD is exclusively devoted to resolving its danglers?), but that wasn’t the fault of its cast. Vin Diesel was supposed to play Black Bolt back when it was going to be a motion picture, but I don’t know if he’d be an upgrade over Anson Mount. Weirdly Aaron Taylor-Johnson is up for the Maximus the Mad despite being the deceased Quicksilver, who once married Princess Crystal in the comics. Wouldn’t it just be simpler to make a Ms. Marvel series that doesn’t involve the Inhuman royals?

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Cancelling Lodge 49 will go down as one of AMC‘s most regretted mistakes. It’s a delightful multi-faceted series that I’d been meaning to give more attention to here. It’s just hard to sum up what a charmingly esoteric experience it is if you’ve not seen it. (The Prague Paradox by L. Marvin Metz is off the flippin’ chain!) Early ads focused on the superficial The Big Lebowski similarities so I didn’t expect it to grow on me exponentially with each episode. The ensemble cast & their dialogue sparkled. It’s about alchemy, economics, & the friends we made along the way. I was pleasantly surprised it wasn’t cancelled after its inaugural season. The second season was even more superlative, featuring a dumpling eating contest between Sonya Cassidy & Paul Giamatti! Apparently AMC only wants to be The Walking Dead Channel now. Please join me in campaigning alternate outlets to pick up Lodge 49 for a third season! I won’t let the cancellation bear deprive the world of its idiosyncrasy!

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Happy Halloween? Freeform & AMC are getting apples with razors in them this year.

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