Legends Of Tomorrow In The Time Of Coronavirus

Well that escalated quickly! Isn’t this how The Last Last Man On Earth began? The one with Kristen Schaal not Vincent Price, although a vampire virus would be much cooler. (Everybody go read I Am Legend by Richard Matheson! Novel coronavirus is spread through literacy.) I am sadly very highly trained in social distancing. Panic buying groceries was less terrible than expected, but I forgot to buy Worcestershire sauce even though it was on my list!

In times of crisis, people especially need escapism. I’m usually bad at scheduling blog topics, but I get a jump on writing about the year’s blockbusters. Never mind! They’re all getting postponed! Delaying The New Mutants is the key part of a spell to cancel The Apocalypse. When the global quarantine is lifted, cinemas are going to be backed up with leftovers. At least there’s plenty of television left to keep us from going stir crazy. Oh wait, production on all the network series shut down before they could get their season finales in the bag! Well Black Lightning featuring Grunkle Gravedigger & (Green) Arrow wrapped up, but most will leave viewers hanging. If ABC could air the completed  final season of Agents of SHIELD early, that’d be lovely. All the media that’s been delayed should just be chucked in a bonfire. So go binge Lodge 49 on Hulu!

Unlike venues you enjoy visiting, Matt The Catania intends to stay open during this crisis. Sorry! Weekly coverage will probably revert to esoteric mishmashes with headlines that aren’t SEO friendly. Maybe I’ll finally get back to writing my second novel? (I wrote a key scene set in the basement of a library without checking if the real location has one. The uncertainty was contributing to my writer’s block. Then I found it does. Phew!) With luck, we’ll all be alive when this epidemic fizzles out as its curve flattens.

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As the headline promised, this one has some Leg-Ends of Tomorrow SPOILERS.

Kudos to Caity Lotz on crushing it at “Mortal Khanbat!” Has a television script ever been more tailored to a first time director? She wanted to make it even more stylish than she succeeded at! The Beeboverse won the Caity Lotztery! The only downside to her directing more episodes is that Sara Lance would hardly be in them. Twin Turbo, the short she wrote & directed, proves she should be directing action movies!

“Well, there’s no point in quittin’ now!” was comedy gold! Crazy ole Johnny C wants his medieval knight foreskins! I’m still not sure why they don’t adapt Hellblazer’s “Dangerous Habits” more directly.

Not only did he have a Snidely Whiplash pulled on him, Constantine’s intern became Gary the Unspeakable Train Abomination! Nora Darhk defeated her dad, Damien, by being happy whilst not evil. Art imitated life as she wed Atom!

Not only is “Romeo V. Juliet: Dawn of Justness” a stupendous title, it also sees the abrupt farewell of Ray Palmer & Nora Darhk. Brandon Routh seems to be as much a beautiful cinnamon roll & Labrador retriever humansona in real life as Ray Palmer. The decision for Routh & Courtney Ford to leave was not their choice. The series won’t return until April, so this was an extra bittersweet episode to air just as isolating from friends & family became the wise move. Although they got fun bachelor & bachelorette parties, they didn’t get to participate in the episode’s climax or properly say goodbye to most of their shipmates.

Atom’s & Steel’s farewell hug is juxtaposed with Romeo & Juliet falling romantically  in love. The series kept describing Ray & Nate as being platonic pals, so it feels a bit queerbaity to emphasize this subtext at its end. (Surely The Bard wrote some friendship scenes that don’t end in death they could’ve used?) Nate being as possessive of Ray as he is of Amaya & Zari doesn’t help, although this may be the instance where he’s the most direct audience surrogate. Of course since The Feet Of The Future have a timeship, there’s no reason Nate can’t visit his best bud regularly. Since Nora’s fairy godmother duties teleport her around the globe, there’s also no reason why the couple’s home couldn’t remain The Waverider. (How does it only have one bathroom?) The only narrative reason they’re departing is Damien insisted Ray do so, which may be his most diabolical success. Now DC’s Legends Of Tomorrow is down yet another canon DC character. I wish they’d ditched (Citizen) Steel rather than one of the series MVPs.

The obvious move would be to bring in Ryan Choi as the new Atom. They can’t add him to the team too soon though or it’ll seem disrespectful to Ray. Perhaps they’ll wait until the (now postponed) season finale or even the sixth season premiere. Of course this version of Choi has a wife & baby daughter, so recruiting him would disturb his home-life even more than keeping newlywed Ray. If they don’t use Choi as Atom, making such a big deal of him in Crisis On Infinite Earths will seem pointless. Since they’re trying to do a spinoff with two Black Canaries, however, I don’t see why LOT couldn’t have had double Atoms. If DC/WB hadn’t been embargoing Ted Kord for a project that still hasn’t materialized, Routh could’ve been Blue Beetle & not overlapped with Choi’s Atom anyway. (This hypothetically wouldn’t preclude Jaime Reyes either.) Perhaps in the months to come, the powers that be will come to their senses & reinstall Routh & Ford for season six?

#IfCyclopsRocked made me realize that the best (least contemptible) version of Scott Summers would be one who unapologetically leans hard into how unhip & wholesome he is. Then I realized he already exists as LOT’s Ray Palmer. The heart of the team has  come a tremendous way since Arrow introduced him as Discount Iron Man.

“So here’s to the Legends of Tomorrow, who singlehandedly destroyed storytelling as we know it”

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It’s hard to riff on stills from LOT when it’s already a comedy. So instead here’s a random toy pic that didn’t go with anything I had planned.

DSCI8878

Her fingers have hypothermia.

This is inspired by a forthcoming cover of Captain Marvel with Carol usurping Ronan’s job, so it’s Schrödinger’s Spoiler. Why are there still no action figures of her Lite-Brite & Endgame costumes in the works? I’d also take toys of her Binary & evil outfits. Do we have to wait until the sequel for these? Rogue is going to be in Captain Marvel 2: Binary Boogaloo just like the Fantastic Four were in Far From Home.

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If you’re cooped up with naught to do, enroll in Gail Simone’s Comics School!

Alexandra Daddario’s mom made her the best birthday card.

Perhaps I’ll be in better blogging spirits next week? Stay healthy out there!

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