The Scarlet Speedster’s Seventh Season Returns In A Flash!

Da mit Barry Allen, everyone’s favorite German talk show, finally returns! What became The Flash’s de facto seventh season premiere got pushed back a week when the series premiere of Superman & Lois decided to take both time slots. (I suppose I might as well discuss episode two too.) Much like Riverdale, last season’s run was cut short by three episodes. Am I going to need to come back in a fortnight to recap what would’ve been the sixth season finale & then do what would’ve been season seven’s premiere the week after?

Season six’s impromptu finale ended on a great note with Mirror Mistress victorious, Sue a framed fugitive, & Iris even more missing than before. There’s also a Ralph Dibny debacle that this episode doesn’t directly address. Unlike Riverdale, this season premiere had more intriguing stuff going down. The Flash is back but not a flashback! Full speed ahead for SPOILERS & Grodd puns!

Ultraviolet

She doesn’t appear in this episode, but Ultraviolet was prepared for the Coronavirus crisis. I now have a greater respect for her.

The Top spins back into Central City whilst double-crossing her beau & Black Hole to Mirror Master 2.0. Her vertigo-inducing power is revealed to be an aggressive form of empathy that allows her to do other mind-whammies as well. This teaches Cecile how to use her empathy offensively against her client, which ought to get her sanctioned by the ABA. She didn’t do as much as I hoped, but this way a good example of fleshing out previously one-note villains. Now if they can just keep her from vanishing into the ether for years…

The original Mirror Master gets immediately shattered by his successor so they don’t have to pay for the actor’s return. He never lived up to his potential, so it’s not a big loss. Eva claims that Sam Scudder was actually her first mirror duplicate rather than a metahuman. Does that mean they need to rescue him from the Mirrrorverse too? This retcon foreshadows that the original Eva McCulloch died when The Particle Accelerator exploded, & the current one is literally a reflection of her.

To atone for his (too brief) stint as Pariah, Nash Wells sacrifices himself to power the Artificial Speed Force Generator. Now all the Wellses in the multiverse are gone & their residual energy powers Barry (& possibly Wally). We didn’t even get to meet the one who’s a bowling alley scientist! “All’s Well That Ends Wells” was a fitting sendoff for Tom Cavaghnagh … if he really is leaving the crowded series. Unless they bring back Matt Letscher (He traveled even further back in time & assumed William Randolph Hearst’s identity on The Alienist. Why is Eobard Thawne Professor Zoom whereas Hunter Zolomon is just Zoom?), he’ll probably return as the Reverse-Flash, who is a ghost now? Before his demise, Grant Gustin got to stretch his comedy & mimicry muscles doing impressions of assorted Wellses.

Now that I can see it outside of red emergency lighting, I can confirm Mirror Mistress has a snazzy suit. Her colorful costume reflects green & gold. She’s lucky she’s one of the few villains each season for whom the wardrobe budget allots effort, unlike her predecessor & The Top. It helps that I’m not attached to the comics suit that has nothing to do with mirrors. Why is it so difficult to find good stills of it?

What is her masterplan though? Why won’t she release Iris, Kamilla, Singh, & Scudder? (Don’t expect the last one to be rescued.) Iris got shunted to a Mirrorverse within the Mirrorverse where Eva tries to gaslight her into thinking she’s gone mad. Why was she okay with The Top blowing up a jet full of experimental weapons over Central City? Why do all the supervillainesses prefer to work for her over Black Hole?

I haven’t heard anything about the big threat of season seven after Mirror Mistress. So either The CW is doing a great job keeping a lid on things, or I’ve been terrible at snooping. I was too busy customizing Magenta Polaris to check. Abra Kadabra really ought to turn Flash into a marionette!

This season needs an episode entitled “The Groddfather.” Who says the perfect gorilla joke doesn’t exist? Normalize taking Gorilla Grodd’s name in vain! If I could make a contract with Grodd, I’d get him to swap our faces. Carmine Infantino cracked the comic book cover code!

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I’m gonna start calling Todd Helbing’s new series S&L to make people think I’m talking about SNL. If it wants to cast a more traditional Prankster than cackling Kate Easton, pick Rhys Darby or Paul Scheer. Did you know The Prankster once copyrighted the English alphabet? THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS.

Not only did it cost his spaceship & warsuit, Captain Luthor’s global hunt for Kryptonite is fruitless. Why doesn’t he try his Prime Earth counterpart? Is Captain Luthor from a universe similar to comics Earth-3/TV Earth-2? That’d make him far more intriguing. Oh, he’s just a military captain who fought under General Lane against a black-suited Superman. Does that counts as Snyder Cut synergy? I guess they wanted to reuse Dr. Destiny’s suit from Elseworlds. It’s just nowhere near as exciting as seeing Alexander Luthor battle Ultraman & the Crime Syndicate of Amerika.

As much as I’m impressed they were able replicate the Man Of Steel aesthetic on a network TV budget, I don’t care for it. It makes this look like a relic of a dying bygone era. I wish everything was as saturated as the supersuit rather than the decaying drab around it. It’s bad enough the series is focusing on realistic banality.

Lois writes a scathing article against The Daily Planet’s new owner, Morgan Edge, which is naturally censored. She quits, which means both spouses lost their income. How can they afford to keep their formerly gaslit kids on their mortgaged farm now that both parents are breadlosers?

Chrissy Beppo is not a supermonkey, but she does run The Smallville Gazette. Why couldn’t she be both? (Is it offensive to name characters after simians?) She could’ve been in a romance with Gleek or Titano.

“I’ve only known Morgan Edge for a day & a half, but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room & then myself.” Kyle Cushing

Despite my fondness for weird sci-fi, a living Jonathan Kent would be better than a holographic Jor-El. I hate how advanced the hologram AI is that it doesn’t even feel like he’s dead, which undermines the tragedy of Kal-El being orphaned. Why doesn’t his mother, Lara, get a hologram too? This is the most insensitively aloof version yet. The grandson that doesn’t exist in the comics is named after him, yet hologramps is still snobbishly dismissive of Jordan’s underwhelming hybrid genes.

The Wonder Twins Super-Sons sibling rivalry has been dialed back for the time being. Perhaps they’ll alternate exhibiting superpowers? In its place it looks like they’ll make General Lane a xenophobe again.

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Let’s see if I can arrange my disparate WandaVision thoughts into something semi-cogent!

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