Turtle Talk

Last week was legendary for the blog as I reviewed Shang-Chi & The Legend Of The Ten Rings & Legends Of Tomorrow season six back to back. I’d also written about Marvel Legends X-Men within seven days prior. Now to resume less tightly spaced blogging. This time I’ll talk about those terrible toyetic terrapins, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! So technically this ramble could’ve also been titled “Mutant Musings.” Pick up the metaphorical cheese phone of destiny by reading onward!

The Shredder

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Donatello does insurance calls in the UK.

Behold the risque TMNT ad Germany didn’t want you to see!

April O’Neil is also the name of a porn star?

Cartoon pizzas recreated beyond the fourth wall!

It was a missed culinary opportunity not to push turtle soup during any of the big TMNT eras. I still wonder what it tastes like.

Paparazzi spot fashion icon Leatherhead in the wild without his hat.

Mondo Gecko is way cooler than Poochie the Rockin’ Dog. “Whenever Mondo Gecko’s not on screen, all the other characters should be asking ‘Where’s Mondo Gecko?'”

The next element scientists discover ought to be named Triceratonium. It’s what we’re all thinking!

The philosopher Machiavelli once asked whether it is better to be a mutant warthog or a mutant rhinoceros. Rock & Bop are double Furries. Is it harder to kiss with snouts?

“We’re playing this show so Bebop & Rocksteady will leave & never come back.” TMNT #117

Lady Deathstrike’s attempt to erase the fifth turtle from the timestream has been proven ineffective, but is it Zach, Kirby, Venus de Milo, Slash, Jennika, Tze Chun, or YOU? If you’re battling to become the legitimutant fifth turtle, is it worth it to take out Zach? He’s the one contender anyone can trounce, so at least you’d get credit for defeating someone. On the other paw, should you focus your efforts on not being utterly demolished by the others? If everyone else is distracted battling the worthy claimants, could Zach actually claim victory with a cheap shot to the exhausted other survivor?

Turtlepires form a composite turtle to complete sacrifices. I have never described anything as a Boschian wonder-turtle.

Danny DeVito could play Krang’s android body. Crush, Lobo’s daughter, just punted Krang.

Beyond the core Technodrome four, the B-list baddies (Baxter Stockman, Slash, Leatherhead, Rat King) are still solid.

Seth Rogen is writing a new TMNT movie! So is Colin Jost? Now I’m lost. Is one going to be a follow-up to TMNT: OOTS? Or are both reboots?

Ooze flows beneath the streets of Leslieville!

This signage is most confusing. What transpires when you say “pizza” to drugs & “no” to yes?

A TMNT/MOTU crossover was closer to reality before getting axed.

90’s kids explain TMNT.

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Malibu Shredder’s got a new belt!

I chanced upon one of the Punk Frog sets (that I didn’t want) in my local store, but couldn’t find an online listing for it. Has Target stopped listing exclusive NECA animated TMNT toys on its site? I haven’t seen any since Splinter vs. Baxter. I’ve been pre-ordering things through NECA’s store since distribution where I live is so terrible, but the shipping fees are killing me. Trying to order through Target’s site was an ordeal, but if successful it came with free shipping & 5% off MSRP. So did they make the process even worse by removing the online ordering option completely? You can’t even check the store finder to see if there’s a branch within fifty miles that has it (provided the system updated). You just have to hope you walk into a one of those well-stocked Targets (that don’t exist near me) on shipment day. “We solved customer complaints about the online ordering process by removing these products from the website!” Why did Target insist on getting exclusive dibs on this line if they want to make it as difficult as possible to purchase? Walmart’s movie exclusives aren’t easier to get (I miss them being GameStop exclusives.), but they at least have webpages for their sold out items.

NECA got the rights to make a Usagi Yojimbo figure! Will this be part of the animated or Mirage lines? Or will there be versions for each?

Dark Turtle & Crab Shredder look great! If only they’d had these prototypes ready before the Loot Crate order window abruptly ended, I might’ve ponied up for them & Armaggon.

Judith Hoag is getting an action figure. Do Paige Turco next, NECA!

Funko TMNT NFTs are bad because they combine three great evils; NFTs, gambling, & Funko Pops!

Pulp Turtle Fiction

Hasbro is the latest toy manufacturer to get a slice of TMNT pie via its crossover with Power Rangers. It’s not using the Lightning Collection as a sneaky way to produce updated The Next Mutation toys though. Much like the Batman Vs. TMNT sets, this is the only way to get turtles inspired by the IDW comics. The unmasked turtle & April heads aren’t comic accurate, so does this foretell they’re based off a forthcoming animated adaptation of MMPR/TMNT? April is definitely not a TV reporter in this continuity. Why is Green Shredder so much pricier than a regular single release? Shredder’s box is so wide with so few contents. It’s like Hasbro & Mattel are competing to see who can charge more for wasting the most space.

It’d make more sense if Splinter was Yoda in this Star Wars/TMNT crossover instead of making Donatello be both Yoda & C-3P0.

Bebop has weird eyes. So is the NECA set accurate after all? I still think his fur should be a shade darker, although it did vary wildly enough to excuse me not customizing it this time. Rocksteady would be even better with articulated ears!

Making Dogpound from Devastor is as delightful as turning Tokka to Slash & Michelangelo into Daredevil.

Super7’s pricey Ultimate TMNT line theoretically sounds like it’s more my cup of tea than NECA’s toon line, but I’m disinterested in them? I guess it’s because I can repaint my original figures, but I never had toys based on the cartoon. I would rather Shredder get more weapons or a removable shirt over an ugly homage head nobody’s going to use. (Children collectively agreed to mentally adjust it to something passable that didn’t have his eyebrows extending beyond his helmet.) Neither Bebop head has his Mohawk in the correct purple. It’s so odd Super7 insisted on scaling up Rocksteady & Bebop but not Leatherhead. He looks more goofy than terrifying with those buck teeth. I wish Ray Fillet’s alt head didn’t have fangs. Leo looks thin for a turtle wearing samurai armor. They’re still wasting plastic on including a duplicate set of weapons attached to sprues like the vintage toys. At least they’re a much better use of resources than Re:Action Figures.

Playmates has made itself irrelevantly obsolete despite its master license chokehold, but it’s finally releasing that Shredder from 2014 & a new Triceraton. (Krang remains MIA.) They’re out of scale to the turtles you have to re-buy to get these. There is some effort to change up the turtles in the befuddling Cobra Kai sets.

TMNT Hawaiian shirts are highway robbery.

Rocksteady, Bebop, Shredder

Why doesn’t Master Shredder just replace the gruesome twosome with a pair of Roadkill Rodneys if he wants competent help?

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