The Official Cat Post Of 2021

I finally got around to publishing my annual cat post! As usual, it contains anecdotes about my kitty & assorted cat links with minimal narrative cohesion. Many of the links I’d collected over the year turned out to be from retricted or deleted accounts the day before just to make this more challenging. I even found new things to say about Cats. So bully for you if that’s what you’ve been waiting for from my blog! If not, come back soon for the forthcoming The Flash Armageddon, Rivervale, Spider-Man: No Way Home, & Hawkeye reviews torrent! Maybe I’ll enjoy some of them more than Batwoman’s third season?

I experienced negligible side effects to both my vaccine doses because my polydactyl doctor prescribed ample rest beneath her. That’s her solution to everything, but you can’t argue with results. Of course when I tried napping underneath her following my booster shot, I became consumed with the urge to finish writing about MOTUR part the second. I do all my best thinking beneath my kitty, which usually prevents me from reaching a notebook or keyboard.

My cat is in witness protection purrtection so you can’t know her true name. Unfortunately this makes it difficult to monetize her as an Interwuzzle personality. (It’d be even trickier if I adopted her sisters too.) It also makes it awkward to recount anecdotes about her to you. We’ll have to invent a catchy alias for her.

Cat was getting petted on my lap when she decided to bite me. Somehow her jaws missed completely without me dodging. Then she made an epic hiss at me as if her aim was my fault.

Cat chasing tiny insects around makes her look like she’s swatting ghosts.

Intummydation is when a cat steps on your stomach until you’re roused from ensnugglement.

I wasn’t aware of the term until I made a mogged Polaris custom, but I discovered mogged can also mean being trapped under a moggy. This would be prelude to being ensnuggled. The cure for insomnia is a warm moggy.

My cat tricked me into playing with an empty cardboard box. Eventually I turned around to see her staring at me. How did she leave the box without me noticing?

My cat bit me above the elbow, which seems a silly place to bite a boy.

My cat was so traumatized by Twisted Sister she made me pet her on the kitchen floor for over ten minutes.

There was a cat being petted on my lap as I watched Simone Giertz’s thirst trap video about building an instrument of teeth. When Scraps barked at the teeth, her spine tensed up. Then she stepped on the keyboard to knock it out of fullscreen & scrolled down so I couldn’t see it anymore.

I want to be a professional cat rubber but all these amateurs are killing the industry.

There’s this cat who sleeps on my feet to provide constant thermoregulation. She’s the cuddliest of all my Snuggle Warriors. There is no pair of socks so toasty as a slumbering cat.

Eventually my kitty will knead a six pack into my stomach. I’m gonna be so shredded, especially where her talons shred my flesh.

A sparrow activated my security system’s perimeter alarm, & she screeched at it like a Martian.

My kitty somehow learned how to do the perfect “You’re gonna be late for school!” yell form the bottom of the stairs despite never having any experiences with school buses as a kitten.

The only punchline my kitty knows is six toes to the face!

If a cat is loafing atop a blanket on your lap & you fold the blanket off your legs around the cat, does it count as a purrito?

The purrs were coming from inside the cat!

If synchronized sleeping was an Olympic sport, we’d take home the bronze.

Is this cat age calculator correct? By what sorcery did my kitten become my elder three birthdays ago?

I’m strong enough to lift one cat, but only if she doesn’t expect it.

My cat roused me from ensnugglement as soon as I got to a dream involving a service dog getting belly rubs.

Recently my cat increased my workload while cutting my sleep allotment.

Kitty ensnuggled me into thinking her predecessor had been living behind a desk cubby for decades instead of dead.

Kitty was so revolted by The Evil Dead behind the scenes stills gallery that she horked on my feet.

During supper, pussykins got the sticker from a chocolate ganache bombe cake stuck to her pawpad. She ran away from me in a frantic yet unsuccessful bid to free her foot. It was making a terrible sound akin to sticking cards in a bike wheel.

Has my cat been secretly calling me “hoominkins?”

If she were a cellphone, she’d incur roaming fees.

I may have broken a personal record for times my cat named me employee of the month!

The University of Lincoln’s cat relationship quiz asked me to rate if I worry too much about my cat. I worry about my cat the exact right amount! I  got “co-dependent,” just like everyone else I know who took it. How do we unlock cat friendship achievement the researchers purport exists? Does this mean it’s presumptuous to call her “bestie?”

Cat attacks increase dramatically in homes where cats reside.

My cat doesn’t like me, just the services I provide.

Bluebeard made my cat think there were real raptors in the house.

DSCI1044DSCI1045

My kitty loves her new lobster-flavor treats. Whenever I go out to eat (which is very rarely these days), she insists on sniffing my breath to investigate what I’d been feasting upon without her. For my birthday lunch, I had a lobster roll. When I returned, she almost stuck her whole head inside my mouth to vacuum up all the lingering lobster molecules with her little nose!

Kitty tongue flicked a treat fragment across the table at me when told to get rid of it.

My cat ate the crust of a Sara Lee mince pie for Thanksgiving.

Supply chain issues caused a Fancy Feast chicken primavera in gravy shortage! Chewy cancelled my order. I was very worried because it’s my monster’s preferred meal. Local supermarkets only had the inferior pate variety on shelves. (Its in store rarity is why I began ordering online to begin with.) Luckily Chewy was able to send me a restock in time. If only I knew the secrets of primavera sauce, I could get her to eat anything!

Each time I return from an outing, the local feline has to check my breath to make sure I haven’t been scarfing down people-sized tins of chicken primavera behind her back. “My human’s breath smells like human food!” says the cat who bonked her nose into my tooth.

I just killed a mosquito with my bare hands & fed its remains to my cat. It turns out I would kill a fly. Cat gobbled its corpse up too. I’m practicing my supervillain modus operandi on insects.

After an extended dry spell, the house’s feline security finally hunted down another mouse! It was unwise enough to emerge in the same room as her litter box. She was raised as a kitten soldier in the vermin wars. The rodent hid after a brief tossing but was lured out with a trap loaded with fresh peanut butter. It manged to eat most of it before the metal bar stove in its skull diagonally. Although she didn’t directly slay it, the huntress was rewarded with its corpse. While I would’ve suspected its body would be a better meal, she only ate the head. I wonder if it still tasted of peanut butter? Afterwards she leapt onto my duvet covers for bedtime without waiting for me to get undercover as usual. When I tried to slide my feet further down, she kept snapping at them.

My mouser is so dedicated I had to bring dinner to her while she was on a bathroom radiator stakeout. My sister says I embarrass my cat in front of the mice when I bring her meals.

I offered cat rigor mortis mouse from a trap but she ran away from it.

Cat has been observing me make apple pies. If she intends to replace me in the kitchen, she’ll have to wear a full body hair net.

Kitty chewed a pink rabbit’s foot key chain all the way down to nubby pink bones!

The stoner ate stale catnip & followed it up with part of my bacon-flavored Ritz cracker. She doesn’t like genuine bacon though.

Pusskins insisted I come observe her doing drugs even though I told her I trusted her not to OD on the ‘nip. She rolls around in the demon herb & then get it all in the fountain I just cleaned. Does she want to drink skunky water?

~

DC cats love Wally & Garth!

Cheetah welcomes Wonder Woman to the gun show!

Martian Manhunter’s cat is named Double Stuff like Oreos Chocos.

Loki cat

Wakanda Forever should put Shuri into a coma then have her awaken with Djalia superpowers & played by Laura Kariuki.

Tigra has the same appetite as my jellicle.

Tigra? More like Thigh-high-gra, amirite?

It annoys me that one Marvel Legends Tigra head has cheek stripes & not the other. Now I can’t decide whether to add stripes to one or remove them from the other.

Kraven made Zabu wear Zabooties.

The Shake Shack cashier who’d never seen Captain Marvel was very intrigued by my fading Goose shirt.

~

This meme checks out.

The Book of Cats: A Chit-Chat Chronicle of Feline Facts and Fancies, Legendary, Lyrical, Medical, Mirthful, and Miscellaneous by Charles Henry Ross

Jack escaped naked.

Hades the CGI cat in The Witches remake is quite handsome.

Maneki Neko mecha

Housecats track servants by sound.

pink toes black cat

“My litter is too big!”

Scream cat

types of cat-girls

cat person from the 1908 Blue Bird play

Eldritch Garfield is wholesome.

Garfield vs. Heathcliff

religious Garield

Brand New Cherry Flavor Devon Rexes

Kegstand fans are KegStans.

Father Paul as cats

cats in dresses

Cats ought to be fashioned from more durable matter than love.

Cats even read with statues!

Cerberus cat

Housecats only came up with a single name for their humans.

Smaug was a long-necked cat with searchlight eyes.

Cats Protection’s Paws to Listen is feline grief counseling service.

Best Meows

cat cosplay

Maine Coons & Ron Perlman evolved covergently.

“I Knead You”

lost sleep from pets calculator

Ten Cats by Graham Harrop

catnip

sniff gif

There are only seventeen reasons to own a black cat?

Krampussykatze

OwlKitty Park

Smoking Russki cat can’t fix your spine with a wrench?

restock

cats shelved

Cat fight!

Boxes are crucial to feline well-being. What did cats do before humans invented them?

Care Bear cat & Punisher cat are dating!

pre-Nazca cat geoglyph

Skeleton cat with laser-eyes thought it could muscle in on cat’s table territory.

English tenses explained purrfectly.

water cooler kitty

Baby wigglefloof cleans its squishbeans.

Emperor Uda realized the wonderment of his ebon neko had to be enscribed for posterity.

Pharaoh Thutmose’s cat, Ta-miu/Tamiut (“the female cat”) has a special carving in his tomb to ensure her soul got all the perks owed.

Man, now that’s a real shame when people be throwing away a perfectly good cat boy.

Nekos domesticated hounds.

Kitty watching Pretty Cure fast-fowarded it to find out if Latte recovered.

potted cat

biker cats

koala cat

Denim dress cat angrily defends territory!

Potential cats reside with Schrödinger.

tenacious whiskitten

This cat has impeccable storybook timing.

Cat unprepared for real mouse.

“Do not speak to me or my daughter ever again.”

Zell has good Zeller Scwartze Katz statuary.

literal Gato Negro meowcohol

Cat wine is a cutthroat business.

“Words of the Mews On Hoomans”

“Elegy for the Sublime Mews Himself”

This cat is a beautiful cinnamon roll.

Inspirobot was right!

Meowzel tov!

Billy the postman cat

The Addams Family as cats by Ayako Ishiguro

Is your cat about to leave you?

meowmaids

Katy O’Brian’s cat vs. puzzle

Nyankogelion

Cats hold tails through snow.

Aeroflot bans passenger who swapped cat for lighter model during check-in, which seems like a complicated switcheroo.

pod cat hugs fish

first cat film colorized

Data teaches Spot chess.

werecat

Margaret Atwood’s filter is broken.

Cats think we’re dumb versions of them.

New cat dropped. It landed on its feet.

Cats have amazing internal gyroscopes that they can deactivate on a whim.

Cats as different Sherlocks.

Godzilla Vs. Kong Vs. Wayne

assorted cats

Vincent Price hugged every kitten!

Cats auditioned for Poe adaptation.

Do you suppose their will ever be an ideal society where cats are employed as bricklayers?

Felines need spectacles, so Truffles is employee of the month every month.

karate kitties!

existential refrigerator cat crisis

If you don’t play with your familiar, your familiar will play with you!

Why is it called Sleepwalkers if they don’t sleepwalk?

Des Purrado is a kitty who won’t come to their senses & stop riding fences.

bread boi blessings

lots of dancing Japanese cat photos

Zuul

elepheline

What every cat expression says

Feline missionaries are so lazy the come to your house & expect you to tell them about Bast.

Felines run the world via the purrtriarchy.

~

Too many alley Jellicles wear collars & their cheeks aren’t fluffy enough.

It still amuses me that the movie made catnip look like glowing embers as if it’s an arcane phenomenon the audience wouldn’t have firsthand reference for.

The Munkustrap Pillow saga 

The butthole cut of Cats would’ve also featured nipples!

Andrew Lloyd Webber hated Cats so much he was compelled to get a therapy dog.

Ineffable! A Cats Movie Podcast

There’s a trailer for how to live a jellicle life: life lessons from the 2019 hit movie musical ‘cats.’

Jellicle name generator

~

The next installment will be more substantive.

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