What A Shocker!

Another custom of an underrated supervillain? What a twist! Who is Spider-Man’s greatest adversary, & why is it Shocker? Seriously, I would like you to explain this to me in the comments section.




As long as a Shocker action figure can hit this pose, it clears the minimum articulation requirement.

I wasn’t going to purchase Hasbro’s new Shocker until I found a lone one next to half-baked Hobgoblin at Walmart on Two-Face Day. (DC Comics isn’t even celebrating it on 2/22/22/Twosday? Don’t do Dent dirty!) ‘Twas a sign from a weather predicting whistle pig. I couldn’t tell you what the best Shocker stories are if you put a knife to my throat, but how could I resist this kooky quilted crimester? This is why my bank account thinks I’m an idiot.


Maybe this is Yutja thermal netting?

This brand new sculpt is a huge upgrade from the last one they made of his Thunderbolts & Superior Foes costume. The leather texturing & pinless joints are a pleasant surprise. My biggest issue was that it’s also in modern colors. His classic costume was yellow & maroon. At some point, the maroon was replaced with drab brown. So I used alizarin crimson to make him more vibrant. You can’t escape me Shocker! I’ll customize you to the ends of the Earth!


Vibrating intensifies!

All this budget went into his sculpt, because there’s barely any paint on him. It was shrewd casting the yellow & silver bits in those colors (aside from the knees & elbows not matching the rest of his ocher), but they didn’t shade in his suit’s pattern. Since Marvel Legends prices jumped to $23, that makes McFarlane’s bigger DC Multiverse with more paint apps look like a steal at $20. Fortunately Shocker’s inaccuracy is mostly a degree of easily fixable incompleteness.


“Now my arms are complete!”

Whereas Mysterio has squares & Spidey has webs, Shocker is festooned with diamonds. (I heard it’s most cost effective to etch in Spider-Man’s webs than tampograph them on, yet Hasbro still prefers not to tool bodies that can only be used for Spidey whenever possible.) My line-weight is terribly inconsistent. That’s why I get for not having any Gundam markers. Half the time I was unclear if I was painting the pattern, underlying musculature, or mold lines. He could’ve been less ripped & more puffy.


“On My planet, V stands for unexpected!”

Since his blast attacks aren’t internally generated, I gave him irises & painted the skin around his beady eyes. Now you can tell he’s a human wearing a weird costume instead of a pineapple alien attired as Bane. His willingness to be seen like this in public makes him even more hardcore. Only he, Reverse-Flash, & Wolverine are confident enough to rock yellow. I also made his soles silver.


Run! It’s the pernicious Pineapple-Person!

This was a much easier custom than Baron Zemo. Since I opted not to make his yellow brighter, it was a simpler repaint than Polka-Dot Man too. (Watch his teammate’s spinoff series, Peacemaker!) Now that I finished it, expect a re-release like this next year to fill out a Spider-Man BAF assortment. Imagine what the MSRP will be by then! I would’ve expected the “retro” line to be the place to feature brighter colors though. Maybe they can squeeze out a cartoon colors version with a black vest too? There isn’t much repaint potential for this mold.


“Not web-shooting you!” “Not vibro-blasting you!”

90% of Shocker’s poses are him sticking his arms straight ought to blast (Do his vibra-shock units not fire if his elbows are bent?), so I didn’t mind the Toy Biz versions sacrificing elbow & wrist joints. (My repaint of that was less successful because it wasn’t sculpted to be his classic suit.) This one justifies elbow articulation by equipping him with interchangeable forearms. The gesturing pair add so much personality! Like Alfred Pennyworth, he’s got good strangling hands. Neither have wrist movement, so it must be uncomfortable wearing these vibro-gauntlets for extended periods. They’re the nefarious equivalent of web-shooters. Too bad he didn’t get new blast beams in addition to the usual charging-up effects.


Cats love Shocker’s vibra-units at low setting, & his quilted costume protects him from their claws.

Shocker is the Spidey foe most likely to be mistaken for Electro. (The Wes Craven movie might be adding to the confusion.) Despite his name & most adaptations, his attacks aren’t electrified. He’s sometimes said to produce blasts of pressurized air, although it’s never drawn that way. He’s supposed to make shockwaves like Avalanche. Why does he wear a V belt buckle if he’s not The Vibrator? Is Schultz a Wichita State alumni? Nothing about Shocker is cohesive, so that’s what makes him so memorable.


“I didn’t name myself after a sex maneuver, … unless you’re asking if I had plans for the evening?”

The armor he wears in the newest Spider-Man video game looks cool, although it still has too much brown. It’s much better than just putting him in a hoodie as most redesigns are wont. The less said about Ultimate Shocker the better. Quit trying to make him nondescript! It’s primarily that his outfit is so kooky that he hasn’t been killed off or relegated to obscurity. His John Romita, Sr. costume is industrially ugly but in a much more visually intriguing way than movie adaptions interpret industrially ugly. The insulated suit probably keeps him cozy in winter, but his heavy breathing during summer crime waves must be unnerving.


“Did you need those?”

The vibration field of Shocker’s suit repels bullets. Despite this, the burgundy bank robber is paranoid about The Scourge or Punisher assassinating him. I’m glad Herman eventually vanquished the accursed Frank Castle.


“The free massage coupon was a trap?”

Unlike the rest of the supervillains, the 90’s Spider-Man cartoon decided no additional context for Rhino & Shocker was necessary. He didn’t even get a real name or unmask in prison. (That made sense for Rhino since he’s trapped in his costume in the comics.) In retrospect, he was pretty badass. A little Jim Cummings goes a long way.


The Peter-Tingle is too vague to be an effective early warning alert.

Crossbones’s biggest contribution to the MCU was dying so Shocker could salvage his gauntlet. Homecoming featured not one but two Shockers! One was Logan Marshall Green, who is constantly mistaken for Tom Hardy. He never wore a cowboy hat despite ostensibly being Montanna of The Enforcers like in Spectacular Spider-Man. The other was Bokeem Woodbine, who was superb in Fargo season two. (Did both combined cost less than one Mitch Pileggi?) Sadly neither did much. Why didn’t they use the costume seen in leaked set photos? I was hoping the survivor would resurface in No Way Home along with Scorpion as part of the Insidious Sinister Six. At least this action figure is shockingly fun to play with.


Greg Weisman thought a guy who busted out of prison with gadgets he made there would be less compelling than some goon with a lasso.


Methinks Peter Parker protests too much about cocaine.

If Cannon made a Spider-Man movie, this would have been the VHS box.

Betty Brant briefly became Sarah Connor. This was unrelated to the robot duplicates of Peter Parker’s parents that struck soon after. Considering all the supervillains that attack The Daily Bugle regularly, this was a wise move on her part.

Jameson was right!

Hammerhead is bargain basement Rhino. Both are Russians who smash their heads into walls, but only one is a Flattop impersonator.

Buy custom Kraven laser nipples!

Auntimadium May is the best there is at what she does, & what she does is bake wheatcakes!

SNL enters the Spider-Verse!


Legends Of Tomorrow & Batwoman season finale recaps will probably be up next unless the trailer for Thor: Love & Thunder is just that blogworthy.


“Death would only end your agony & silence your shame. Instead I will simply … BREAK YOU!”

3 thoughts on “What A Shocker!

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