The XS-ively Verbose Seventh Blogiversary!

Why does anyone still go to Central City’s Jitters? Its loyalty rewards program is unbeatable, & tourists are thrilled to see meta-crooks wreck the light fixtures! Those aren’t SPOILERS ahead for the latest The Flash episode, but they could be for the overall series. I’ll also ramble about Batwoman, DC Multiverse toys, & The Batman in a desperate attempt at relevancy for my seventh anniversary blog.

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Since The Flash’s “Armaggeddon!” mini-crossover last year wrapped up like a season finale, “Xcessive Impulsive Disorder” feels like it ought to be a season premiere. It’s still part of season eight though. Thanks to the schedules of network television, there will most likely be another mid-season hiatus during the remainder. The CW has also moved this Tuesday fixture to Wednesday following LOT’s & Batwoman’s season wrap-ups. (Superman & Lois & Naomi stole its traditional day. Arrow’s legacy is impressive.) This won’t be as confusing if you’re binging the season later.

Following their parents’ vow renewal, XS & Impulse go back to the future to find Jay Garrick won’t be killed by Godspeed or noticeably age. That’s good! He never marries Joan though. That’s bad! So Nora & Bart journey back to December 31, 2013 to surreptitiously reset the timeline.

Impulse changes the past yet The Royal Flush Gang still isn’t a quintet of the same suit? Obviously he didn’t screw it up enough! (Maybe they can refurbish Amazo as Ace?) The not Tornado Twins circumvent  retcon casualties when responsible Nora & puckish Bart swap personality polarities.

“First we charge de pucks; den we we blow dem up! Dat’s punnier wit cards.”

Is Bart’s potential girlfriend Avery Ho? I would’ve preferred her to be Nora’s adorkable motormouth love interest since her being a lesbian hasn’t been followed up on since season five. Unless a soapy time travel love triangle tears the siblings apart? Nah, this duo’s dynamic is too schway to be disrupted by a dame.

Booster Gold gets referenced. Jay jokingly namedrops President Luthor. Kudos to The Flash keeping the idea of a shared universe alive even though the Beeboverse has been unable to do a full crossover Post-Crisis. Jay mentions he once fought Nazis during WWII, so it’s possible he was part of the JSA (the version from LOT not Stargirl). Did he marry Rose & Thorn in the future before they adjusted it?

This episode was light on Team Flash, the funniest bit being Caitlin getting snubbed for a Parisian brunch jaunt. Unlike The Beeboverse’s recent attempts at backdoor pilots, “Impulsive Xcessive Disorder” was a fun breather. (Perhaps because it wasn’t directly intended to be proof of concept for an XS & Impulse spinoff?) The rest of season eight is threatened to be more ambitious, which is worrisome like Iris’s nebulous time sickness. The Flash tends to be at its best in breezy self-contained episodes. When they go for epic story arcs, it makes me wonder why a show starring a speedster drags its feet. It’s coming back for season nine regardless. Get that cheddar, Grant Gustin!

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McFarlane Toys is finally making a Beeboverse Flash to keep the Green Arrow it made back in 2020 company. His noggin looks undersized & his jagged torso joint looks hazardous to himself. It’s the season seven suit, so it just missed out on the snazzy gold boots. There’ll also be a Godspeed, although that’s technically from the comics not The CW. His suit was adapted so faithfully it could work for both, but sticklers for accuracy will note it has too much texture for either.

Todd McFarlane claims to have DC Multiverse sales data showing that villains & women sell way less than A-list superheroes so they’re barely worth producing. I call BS on his sexism. (He also dodges the question of producing Milestone & more racially diverse characters.) He cites anecdotal evidence from other manufacturers instead of his own. It doesn’t feel like there’s been a wide enough character selection yet to make such generalized market research conclusions. McFarlane has never had a license with as deep a well of women as DC. (His Mortal Kombat line hasn’t done any women beyond Kitana either, while rebooted Spawn only has She-Spawn sold at double deluxe prices for ginormous weapons.)

Has it occurred to him that if female characters didn’t sell as well at the line’s outset it could be because of his learning curve? Movie Wonder Woman’s tube legs, Batgirl’s blah new costume, & classic Harley Quinn’s flat skull kept me away. Those are the only three he does regular variations of, so it’s not like he’s taking many chances to begin with. How is Catwoman not getting the same treatment? They haven’t even tried Supergirl. Instead of the obscure Batwoman from Batman Beyond comics, why not do Kate Kane & Ryan Wilder? Why hasn’t Poison Ivy been fast-tracked? Starfire would be eyecatching to customers. Not only is Hawkgirl high profile, she looks awesome enough to meet Todd’s toyetic criteria.

Of course A-listers are going to sell overwhelmingly well by default when the line is even more Batman heavy than Mattel’s! (Does he consider the Dark Knights Metal counterparts as Batmen or villains?) If this line is supposed to cater to general families rather than hardcore DC collectors, then why make niche story-specific variants like Jokerized Shazam that clogs pegs everywhere? If today’s kids really are that keyed into DC Comics, then what’s the point of packing comics with forthcoming Page Punchers? (To get around Spin Master having the master license for DC toys in this scale.) If you want to get kids hooked on comics, buying them trades is a better investment. 

Todd begrudgingly acknowledges Wonder Woman is an A-lister worthy of multiple variants, none of which happen to be one of her default comics looks. (With less spikes & more scale mail, Todd’s Wonder Woman redesign could’ve been Big Barda.) Superman finally got Lex Luthor & General Zod to battle while Batman has an expanding rogues’ gallery boasting umpteen Jokers. So where are Diana’s foes? Ares wears imposing armor that’s open to creative embellishments. Not only is that right up Todd’s alley, he could probably recycle parts from The Merciless BAF. Most versions of Cheetah are a scary monster. Ares & Cheetah have been featured in movies, cartoons, & video games so it’s not like they’re too obscure for the general public. Those two would be badass toys!

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Batwoman’s improved third season featured the Joker’s joy buzzer that can reverse the polarity of one’s morality flow. Numerous Gothamites vie for it since it only has one charge remaining. This is such a convenient plot contrivance that it’ll bother me when they don’t utilize it going forward. It shouldn’t matter that its creator died & its last charge was used up. The Beeboverse has enough tech wizards (Batwing, Vibe, Chunk, Pied Piper, Atom, Atom II, Jax, Lena Luthor, Brainiac 5, Toyman IV, Steel, Mr. Terrific, Felicity Smoak) that at least one of them should be able to reverse engineer it, especially if it’s entirely electrical. This cures psychopathy! This gizmo could rehabilitate all of Arkham Asylum’s inmates! (Is there an ethical dilemma in making them cease to be depraved murderers?) They could make copies of it & end Prime Earth’s supervillain epidemic!

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The Batman’s boffo box office has not boosted viewership of my Batman blog that’s not about the movie. Curiouser and curiouser! Bruce Wayne is called “Vengeance” so often in the last trailer I thought it was actually a movie about Ghost Rider’s frenemy. The Batman popcorn vessel is perfect for Dr. Chase Meridian.

Kudos to The Wages Of Cinema for watching it for me. Its spoiler section isn’t even as spoilery as it would’ve been had I been there as The Mattman. The podcast did leave me with unanswered questions. Was the rumor about Batman ‘s emblem being made from the melted gun that killed his parents accurate? Or does Battinson’s chest logo fold out into two guns so he can gun down criminals like a Fem-Bot? Does Selina Kyle want to known as Catwoman because she likes cats or is it accidental from the nubby “ears” on her mask like TDKR? Does Catwoman actually lap up milk like a cat or did Zoë Kravitz learn that for naught? Why does being Zodiac-inspired mean Riddler has to sacrifice fashion? How much grittier can Batman reboots get? What did Jack & Andrew think of The Batman calzony?

The release dates for several DC movies including The Flash got shuffled around. (That was announced before even season one aired!) Just show up at the theater on the pre-announced dates & be surprised at which film they roll.

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This is the seventh anniversary of this blog! According to my statistics, I’ve written over 365 blog posts. That means you can read one of my posts per day for a whole year if you’re looking for a long-term project. I hyperlink back to earlier blogs for context, so be wary of which you click on if you’d like to strictly try this. Will you start from the beginning or work your way backwards? Can you pinpoint the exact entry at which I became too verbose?

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