Stargirl’s Three Thousand Years Of Longing

The headline was originally going to be “Three Thousand Years Of Longing For Stargirl,” but it sounded a tad too skeevy. I doubt anybody’s been that horny for Stargirl for so long anyway. I’m glad its third season is now here though! Ordinarily I’d wait until the season was over to review it all at once, but those posts might be prohibitively long. Also The CW series I watch that haven’t been massacred aren’t returning this fall, so there’s not going to be as much topic competition this year. I did want to recommend Three Thousand Years Of Longing though since it’s unjustly bombing. Both include a Djinn, so they’ve got more commonality than Riverdale & The Sandman (aside from serial killer conventions). Do you wish for SPOILERS?

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Three Thousand Years Of Longing, adapted from by AS Byatt, is basically Height Difference: The Movie! If that’s your kink, see it on the big screen! More broadly, its tone & visuals will appeal to fans of The Fall, The Sandman, The Green Knight, & The Adventures Of Baron Munchhausen! (This one didn’t even traumatize Sarah Polley.) This movie is gorgeous! It excels at excess! The outstanding spectacle over a romantic core comes from visionary director George Miller, maker of the world’s two best talking pig movies. I’m glad he used his Mad Max: Fury Road clout for good! (At this point I’d prefer a third Babe movie to the upcoming Furiosa prequel.) It even has zeraffes!

If Idris Elba & Tilda Swinton were a real couple, their ship named could be Tildris. (Both played race-swapped MCU characters.) Elba plays a lovelorn & very unlucky nameless Djinn who’s been imprisoned thrice. He’s very eager to finally be free (It confusingly appears that his previous mistress completed three wishes, unless the middle one was considered part of her first?), but Dr. Alithea Binnie ironically claims to be too content to desire three wishes. This narratologist (a real discipline, unlike symbologist) is wary about being misled by a trickster, but he protests he’s an honest God-fearing Djinn. (I would simply wish for the wisdom to phrase wishes so they won’t backfire on me.) An epic game of storytime flashbacks ensues while they sit in a hotel!

As superhero adaptations become more prevalent, viewers are becoming desensitized to the the special effects that once made them so appealing. Industry abuses of non-unionized VFX artists have also resulted in the quality regressing. The effects in 3,000 Years Of Longing, however, are both creatively thrilling & not shoddy looking. You can still get great results if the director is thoroughly engaged with the effects departments & they’re not pressured to crank out a blockbuster by an arbitrary release date. Perhaps it exploited its VFX labor too, but you wouldn’t know from looking at it unlike many MCU offerings lately.

The narratologist gives a presentation on the evolution of Norse & Greek myths into their present day Marvel & DC iterations. (So I should start calling myself a narratologist instead of a blogger.) On one side of the screen is a cover from Thor featuring assorted Asgardians whereas the other side is Wonder Woman surrounded by assorted non-Olympian superheroes. I know DC has rarely given Wonder Woman the respect she deserves, but could they not come up with an image that was primarily her mythological supporting cast? Or if they’re going the Grant Morrison route of extrapolating Olympians to the Justice League as a whole since WW isn’t a direct mythological figure anyway, a less Thor-specific picture of Marvel superheroes would’ve looked more balanced.

Much like Infinity War & the cruelly cancelled Infinity Train, its title isn’t an accurate indication of its runtime. It’s surprisingly under two hours, yet it’s engrossing enough that I wouldn’t have minded more time with it. “Leaving the audience wanting more” is one of the better flaws to have. The romance could’ve had more breathing room & addressed consent in terms of literal wish fulfillment. One could argue that completing Alithea’s third wish relieves the Djinn of the horrifying obligation of her first, although that’s viewer’s choice since the film entirely sidesteps that humungous issue.

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Stargirl returned from a sophomore smash against Eclipso. How is the presumed very dead Sylvester Pemberton alive again? The answer is very unconvincing! He claims that when Cosmo The Cosmic Staff bonded with Courtney Whitmore, it also inexplicably resurrected him. Instead of being a convenient zombie who was able to dig his embalmed body out of his own grave, he’s more likely a clone impostor.

Stargirl_IronGiant

I finally saw The Iron Giant & now have witnessed the “ART!” meme in its natural habitat.

The returning Starman is justifiably upset that fences appear to have been mended with the surviving members of The Injustice Society. He claims he doesn’t want Cosmo back, but he’s fibbing. Courtney decides they’ll have joint custody of the giant glow-stick.

The Thunderbolt is now voiced by Seth Green instead of Jim Gaffigan. There’s the TTYOL connection. Jakeem Thunder isn’t officially hanging with the JSA yet, either because this series has too many characters or his Djinn would make his teammates redundant.

Pat Dugan & Court learn that if they don’t lock their door, Sportsmaster will break in early to make them disgusting health shakes. Tigress didn’t have to threaten Barbara to get her daughter a spot on the JSA. They let Shiv in after all. It’s actually odd pro-redemption Court isn’t more proactive about recruiting her. Artemis Crock took out an entire gang single-handedly while the Justice Society watched. Although she really wants to join their team, she is oddly absent afterwards. I’d say she aced her try-out.

Courtney wears a jacket over her costume because she is hip to the fashions of the 90’s. She doesn’t zip it up so she can show off her Achilles abs.

The Shade failing to get good tea at the diner returns as a running joke. It’s overstayed its welcome. Tea is not a difficult beverage to prepare. Once you’ve explained how you like yours brewed, it shouldn’t be this hard to get a good cuppa. Most restaurants will just give you a tiny hot water pot & let you steep it yourself. (This process is also known as the agony of the leaves.) If the diner doesn’t carry the finest tea & can’t make it to his satisfaction, has he considered just not ordering it there?

The Gambler got murdered, & there was much rejoicing! (His long-lost daughter, Becky Sharpe, is the metahuman Hazard, previously seen in The Flash’s fourth season.) Although he & his Foghorn Leghorn accent were despised by superhero & supervillain alike, the Injustice Society’s dullest member was probably killed by an agent of Helix. There, I solved your whodunit for you! I realize the characters don’t really know about Helix yet, but they should hear me out. No need to tear apart the fragile “Frenemies” truce with overzealous suspicion.

The third season premiere wasn’t bad, but it didn’t wow me like the previous two. I’m just not invested in this un-mysterious murder mystery. It still has twelve more episodes to pick up steam. Meanwhile I’m trying to give WB all my money for a Matt Berry as Gentleman Ghost project that doesn’t exist yet (even though it refuses to save Legends Of Tomorrow or release Batgirl)!

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RIP Charlbi Dean Kriek, best known for Syonide on Black Lightning & the forthcoming Triangle Of Sadness.

 

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