MCU Musings

I’ve got a backlog of writing that’s more esoteric than my usual rants. Since my neophyte blogging days, however, I’ve learned it’s better for site traffic to prioritize blogs that are newsworthy in the moment. (Even being well timed, however, isn’t a guarantee they’ll be popular upon posting.) Then when there isn’t anything trendy happening in a given week, I get confused over which ramble is most worth editing into something readable.

That was going to be the case last week, but then I heard D23 was happening. So after postponing to see if anything earthshaking was revealed, it was more of a Loki lowkey affair aside from a Werewolf By Night trailer & Thunderbolts roster. So then I opted not to rush to publish my thoughts. Instead this is mostly rambling Marvel Cinematic Universe cold takes. I held back some stuff that’d be germane to She-Hulk: Attorney At Law & Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. In addition to general MCU & adjacent Spider-Man, I’ll start off with hypothetical X-Men. Belated Marvel Comics rants will be a future blog.

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Technically the first mutant MCU crossover was this ad not Multiverse Of Madness, but here’s how Deadpool should integrate mutants into the MCU. This would be the most comics accurate way to reboot the X-movies though.

Deadpool & The Mask

Put Stryfe in Deadpool 3 so we can get fan vids set to “Sharp Dressed Man!”

Since they’re still years away from going into production, MCU X-Men fancasting is always wrong as a mememto mori. Don’t let that stop you!

Peacemaker’s Annie Chang for Jubilee!

This comic has everything: murder husbands, mythology, & cool fancasting.

The Madelaine Mafia /Petsch Posse turned this very scientific poll about which superhuman Madelaine Petsch should play into a three-way tie betwixt Phoenix, Tigra, & Mystique? (Poor Angela got zero percent of the vote.) Now how are we supposed to present this data to Kevin Feige? Are we supposed to campaign that Petsch play three separate major characters in the MCU?

The non-Phoenix choice won the second poll as fans most want to see Madelaine Petsch as Madelyne Pryor. All hail The Goblin Queen! Of course that’d require Petsch to play Jean Grey too. (Sorry to any Riverdale haters hoping to keep her from a crucial X-role by voting Madelyne. You should’ve voted Rachel instead!) Voters want to watch “Inferno” get butchered next instead of “Dark Phoenix Saga” for a third time. The vox populi wants to see Petsch rock a goth thighs, abs, & underboob outfit! Or voters were unfamiliar with the choices & just picked the most similar name? Although she usually looks more like Phoenix, blonde Madelaine Petsch is a dead ringer for Emma Frost.

I’ve seen way too many MCU fancasts with tall actors for Wolverine, which is only acceptable if his co-stars stand on crates. Even Matt Berry is too tall, so make him Beast instead. Elliot Page is short, Canadian, & experienced with superpowers.

Channing Tatum is bummed his Gambit movie wasn’t in the cards. I’m not that broken up about it since he felt miscast. Casting a black or biracial actor could spice it up.

Fan art of Keke Palmer as Rogue is keen, but the skunk stripe is too subtle. I like this version better. Rogue needs big hair, full of secrets stolen from others’ memories! I like how the colors evoke X-Men: Evolution specifically & the Jamaican flag unintentionally.

Jon Hamm is just salty that he only got to be an unnamed narrator in Legion before the merger kiboshed him being Mr. Sinister in The New Mutants 2: We Dodged A Bullet There. Is his English accent adequate?

Since Wyatt Russell’s goofy charm is being squandered on US Agent, cast Manny Jacinto as Longshot!

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Marvel movies are too formulaic whereas DC movies are not formulaic enough.

Creative accounting in Special Character Agreements screw over comics creators.

Phase 4 is for fridging!

Rumors aren’t scoops.

I was so focused on Jane Foster’s mole, I didn’t notice Valkyrie’s missing forearm tattoo.

Sif’s awesome costume in Thor: Love & Thunder should’ve gotten more screentime & a Marvel Legends.

The Asgardian actress portraying Hela in Thor 4 should’ve been Laura Dern to complete the Jurassic Park trio.

The Thor franchise ranked in accordance with Atomic Kitten. (Is it a mini-franchise or is the MCU just a maxi-franchise?)

Godzilla Raids Again might’ve made up its ankylosaurus facts, but at least it knew it’s harder to start an avalanche than Black Widow made it look.

They’ve finally announced a Thunderbolts film to be directed by Jake Schreier, who directed several episodes of Lodge 49. Does this mean Sonya Cassidy can join the MCU as Moonstone or Songbird? Rookie Eric Pearson makes his screenwriting debut with Thunderbolts. After the premiere, he doffs his mask to reveal he’s been Kurt Busiek all along!

Will Baron Zemo finally wear his tiara as he leads the team? He’s not not on the team? How do they have Thunderbolts without Baron Zemo? It is likely he’ll still be in the film though.

I have minimal interest in Thunderbolts essentially being Suicide Squad, so it’s a bummer they went that obvious route rather than aiming for incognito Masters Of Evil. Putting three legitimutant super soldiers on the squad is overkill, especially when the others will probably seem like they’ve taken the super soldier serum too. It’s rumored Abomination or Titania might be added to the roster, but them being stronger than their superstrong teammates doesn’t shake things up. At least they’ve got Ghost! 

Red Guardian’s new costume is bad! I am looking forward to him butting heads with US Agent though. I was glad the MCU skipped Bucky x Natasha, but fans already shipping Bucky x Yelena worries me. Will Taskmaster finally develop a personality?

Since Alison Brie doesn’t know which supervillainess she should play, everyone campaign for her as Songbird. She’s basically GLOW’s Ruth Wilder except she used to wrestle as a clown instead of a Commie. There is a rumor Songbird will be introduced in Thunderbolts to add variety to the suicide super soldier squad, but she’ll be played by Sadie Sink. So how about Brie for Moonstone?

If Emilia Clarke doesn’t have green hair & a green outfit in Secret Invasion, does that debunk the rumor she’s playing Abigail Brand?

Make more Tigra movies!

Moon Knight works better as music videos than a TV series. It wanted to be Jeff Lemire’s run. (Make Lupinar a real foe!) The problem was that you can’t do a deconstruction of a character in your audience’s first exposure to them, especially if you barely gave them any context to begin with. The comic had the advantage of making the story entirely about Legion-style trippiness instead of waiting until the last third.

Bruce Campbell ought to be in every MCU movie! Where’s Pizza Poppa’s Marvel Legend? It’d sell better than Mr. Fantastic. Mocap Marvel Legends series could be keen.

Sam shouldn’t have invited Wanda to movie night.

Wanda screwed over her 838 counterpart.

How superhero insurance might work.

Cast Nicole Kang in Avengers: The Kang Dynasty, cowards!

Did The Avengers steal its ending from Phineas & Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension?

Reactivate orangutan magic!

Purported pacifist Pepper Potts is a murder machine.

Justin Hammer learned from Oroku Saki.

I’m getting a lot of Captain America: Civil War vibes from Gidorah, The Three-Headed Monster, wonder if that was intentional.

Disney+ belatedly & briefly  bowdlerized The Falcon & The Winter Soldier.

San Francisco bus fight evaluated by real bus operatorTrade Bucky for Busboy.

Your mileage may vary, but I never thought Fin Fang Foom was racist. His name is two English nouns & a sound effect, which sounds more like a silly alien name than a terrible attempt at a Chinese name. (Apparently Stan Lee was inspired by the problematic musical Chu Chin Chow.) Below his neck, he’s much more of a western dragon. There’s even some influence from Sir John Tenniel’s Jaberwocky illustration on Jack Kirby’s design. Since Triple F is an alien from Maklu-IV/Kakaranathara[who awoke in China, dragons native to China were later incorporated to show he didn’t represent them. That said, FFF would sound great if Hoon Lee or BD Wong voiced him.

Anyone customizing Mayhem from Cloak & Dagger?

Mirabel Madrigal & Maximus Boltagon have the same issue.

What if … Eternals was a TV show & Inhumans was a movie?

Is Eternals really Steven Universe?

Do Phastos & Thena have the same power to generate solid objects from cosmic energy just applied to different ends? Could he make simple bladed tools? Could she make complex weapons with moving parts?

I spent months failing to get Thena to hold her inaccurate weapons with her grasping hands before realizing I could just have her not hold them with her alternate open palms. The weapons look better now that I removed the black paint from their translucent handles.

Target is clearancing Eternals, so I got Sersi for $6.89!

Minn-Erva Sersi

Gemma Chan is typecast as aliens with mythic names misspelled for trademark purposes.

Composers contextualize Rogers.

What if Stan Lee was playing Mephisto?

Kurt’s been cut from Quantumania.

Are the different iterations of Kang (Iron Lad, Rama-Tut, Scarlet Centurion, Kang the Conqueror, Immortus) going to hail from different universes rather than different points on his own timeline?

MCU birds are on fleek.

The only problem with casting William Jackson Harper as Mr. Fantastic is that it’d make me root for Reed Richards instead of against him.

In the Irma Vep remake, Mira is offered the part of Silver Surfer’s girlfriend whom replaces him. So would she be Shalla-Bal, Frankie Raye, or Dawn Greenwood?

I dreamed that Rhea Seehorn was playing the head vampire in the next Blade movie.

After binging Us (no, the other one), I watched Starter For Ten. It’s chock full of Brits that’d go on to be Marvel characters.

Will GOTG Vol. 3 feature The Destroyer playing the Draxophone? It doesn’t seem like Moondragon will appear, at least not played by Daniela Melchior. Will it include The Knights Of Wundagore & Man-Beast? Hasbro won’t let Bug be in the GOTG movies.

James Gunn is already breaking hearts over Adam Warlock. Cyber-bully him for not usigng the right design inspiration!

Philinda love Captain America!

The Defenders reunion group text is savage. Daredevil is even smugger in person.

After it left Netflix, Quibi got the exclusive streaming rights to Daredevil!

Daredevil: Born Again must include Alice Eve as Typhoid Mary. This demand is non-negotiable. Bring back Wilson Bethel’s Bullseye too!

This should’ve been Matt Murdock’s line in No Way Home!

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If everything is a multiverse movie now, I still want to see Bruce Campbell as Mysterio Campbell!

Green Goblin & Spidey have an honest conversation.

How the second third Spider-Man movie got made!

Spidey’s high school continuity is as confusing as Riverdale’s!

Doc Ock is inherently erotic.

Sony casts Dakota Johnson to star in Madam Web solo film. They couldn’t afford Helen Mirren?

Tati Gabrielle as Black Cat is an out of the box fancast that’d be cool to see onscreen.

Slap on your symbiote for the collaboreview of Venom 2: Carnage Boogaloo with The Wages Of Cinema crew! (They saw it without me to ruin this rhyme.) Let There Be Carnage seems like an unnecessarily clunky sequel subtitle, especially when Maximum Carnage was a pre-existing alternative. It’s directed by Andy Serkis the Mo-Cap Man. This does a terrible job explaining Cletus Kasady’s transformation, but Carnage turning into a Tasmanian Devil of death was fun debut. Making Carnage bigger than Venom misses the point that he’s supposed to to be a lithe contrast to Venom’s hulking body. I’m also mad Carnage has a tongue! Woody Harrelson looks less ridiculous now that they’ve ditched his Party City Leprechaun wig from the first movie. (Aside from a superb scene featuring lobsters, it wasn’t particularly good.) This sequel is slightly better but still underwhelming. “Learning.” < “Got any of those Internets?”

Which is worse: Comic book artists being too lazy to draw toes on Venom, forcing him into a life of cruel toelessness just to make their jobs easier? Or overworked & underappreciated VFX artists being cruelly forced to add comics inaccurate toes to Venom just to make their jobs harder?

This is the tweet that launched a thousand Morbius memes! “It’s Morbin’ time!” will summon a sequel? Whew, it flopped again!

Ironically Morbius had better picks for the lead in the cast already. Jared Harris could’ve sold the dignified pathos of his condition while Matt Smith could’ve made the protagonist a charming oddball. Genderflipping it so Adria Arjona could star would’ve sucked less as well.

If your friends do a bait & switch with Blade & Morbius, that’s grounds for justifiable homicide. No jury would convict you!

Sony is making an El Mureto movie?

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