Now that I didn’t review the Snyder cut of Justice League starring Staplewolf by popular demand, we can get up to speed on The Flash! (Since the DuckTales finale was the runner-up, you’d expect me to get to that blog first. It takes longer to write reviews where there are hardly any criticisms. I will definitely get to it when it’s no longer newsworthy!) The tail end of The Flash’s sixth season was off to a solid start at the beginning of its seventh season. (There’s a sentence!) How about the last two episodes to close it out? Well I’ve got some good news & some bad news… Oh, season seven officially starts with episode four. SPOILERS ahoy for its latest three episodes!
Welcome to my sixth blogiversary! I had three different blogs in progress (DuckTales series finale, The Flash’s “season Finale,” Justice League Snyder cut) for the stacked events of this anniversary week. I let the people vote, & they chose
violence the Snyder cut by a huge margin. Nobody voted for the poor F-Lash, which may explain when last year’s anniversary blog performed poorly despite an adorable Grodd pic. (Aren’t they all?) Keep your eyes peeled for the two losing blogs sometime in the near future.
Black Widow is the opposite of the Snyder cut in the sense that it existed before the pandemic yet its studio doesn’t want you to watch it at home post-pandemic. (If a movie needed $70 million extra dollars for special effects & reshoots, it did not exist in a finished state before.) The Snyder cut of Justice League is being reviewed … elsewhere! Sorry! I still want clickbait visits, just not enough to subscribe to HBOMax. I can’t even afford to review the official tie-in meal kit that sounds like an expensive prank. I have no journalistic integrity! For actual critical analysis, refer to my blogs on Superman & Lois, The Flash, & WandaVision. Here are SPOILERS for a movie I’ve yet to see, so all my spoilers could be wrong? This could be a fun comparison game for you to play at home. So you’re not already sick of this discourse, this blog’s for you!
D+ means Disney used to have a higher average before absorbing Fox. Wand Division is the new math. WandaVision was supposed to be bumped it forward to 2020 to make a perfect 20/20 vision joke. Although it completed filming before the pandemic production pauses, unlike Falcon & Winter Soldier, it then got pushed back to its original 2021 slot so it wouldn’t compete with The Mandalorian’s second season. Viewers are supposed to be excited for bona fide Marvel Cinematic Universe characters appearing on a televison show instead of a movie, as if Phil Coulson, Peggy Carter, Nick Fury, Maria Hill, Sif, Jasper Sitwell, Edwin Jarvis, Gideon Malick, Dr. List, & the Howling Commandos didn’t already on Agents of SHIELD & Peggy Carter. Remember when SHIELD premiered & people were mad they’d have to watch one series on free network television to fully understand the Marvel movies they paid for? Now that there’s a bunch of more directly influential series that behind a subscription service paywall, fans are excited?
Marvel Studios’ movies are sometimes described as television in cinemas since they link to form a larger story. This time it could argued that MCU’s lucky thirteenth television series is a long movie split into weekly installments. (So are these Disney+ Marvel series going to be event series? I don’t feel like making new tags for them if they’re each one & done. So this’ll just get the standard “Avengers” & like it. If renewed, we can consider making unique tags.) SPOILER warning for nine episodes of the most popular television series of the moment. You really deserve a prize if you’d made it unspoiled this far.
Da mit Barry Allen, everyone’s favorite German talk show, finally returns! What became The Flash’s de facto seventh season premiere got pushed back a week when the series premiere of Superman & Lois decided to take both time slots. (I suppose I might as well discuss episode two too.) Much like Riverdale, last season’s run was cut short by three episodes. Am I going to need to come back in a fortnight to recap what would’ve been the sixth season finale & then do what would’ve been season seven’s premiere the week after?
Season six’s impromptu finale ended on a great note with Mirror Mistress victorious, Sue a framed fugitive, & Iris even more missing than before. There’s also a Ralph Dibny debacle that this episode doesn’t directly address. Unlike Riverdale, this season premiere had more intriguing stuff going down. The Flash is back but not a flashback! Full speed ahead for SPOILERS & Grodd puns!
Hasbro’s first Marvel Fan First Friday of 2021 didn’t unveil a Marvel Legends of Polaris from The Gifted. This is both underwhelming (because she deserves one) & a relief (since I just made one). So although I may have jumped the gun on that, I’m arguably punctual for the series premiere of Superman & Lois! The Flash’s return was supposed to lead into this but got pushed back a week. (I’ll cover that next week ahead of Wandavision.) The CW let this series premiere run long & then put a special afterwards to fill up the remainder, but you didn’t miss anything if you skipped that. Do I need to make a specific tag for this show since its title is so close to the “Superman” one I already use? Lois & Clark had the better title. SPOILERS are
up, up, down, down, & away!
Whilst watching The Gifted, it occurred to me that its Polaris could be customized from a Marvel Legends Jessica Jones. Shortly thereafter, I saw someone had used this recipe. Not being the first person to execute it dampened my zeal to make one. When I decided to try my own, I found the price of loose Jessicas had skyrocketed since I acquired mine. Then I saw a bootleg custom The Gifted Polaris on eBay. I don’t normally go in for these gray market pieces, but this one included a superb Emma Dumont likeness I’d not seen in this scale. (Perhaps it was hydroshrunk from one of an unlicensed 1/6 scale Polaris, of which there are a few varieties?) My winning bid ended up being only slightly more than an official Marvel Legends figure. It was supposed to be delivered within the broad range of June 10 – August 4. A China Post tracking number was created on May 21 when I ordered it & then nothing. As 2020 was an exhausting string of calamities, I decided to wait patiently for it & save my anxiety for other matters. The day before its last possible delivery date, I leaned “this user is no longer registered on eBay” from my purchase history. The other listings for this product from assorted sellers disappeared too. That’s the karmic thanks I get for trying to be a good citizen of the ‘Net & alerting other fans to its existence.
Dare I trust AliExpress? Its price was double the refund I received from eBay. (A version with Lorna’s head on Elektra’s body was moderately cheaper.) I decided to go for it while they were still in stock rather than miss out & pay triple later. (It doesn’t appear to be available there anymore either, so I did something astute for a change.) I shaved a few bucks off via a coupon from a friend, Kinou Menthe, who was already a customer. I had to specially authorize my credit card to make this payment. The downloadable invoice PDF did not reflect the coupon, which panicked me greatly. It arrived three weeks later, which is quite reasonable considering I ordered it amidst a pandemic. Then I panicked that the reason it had such a good likeness with a professional paint job is that it was stolen from Hasbro’s secret production line & an official version at a more reasonable price would soon be unveiled now that Fox X-Men are back on the table. Thus far one hasn’t materialized (he wrote as as he rushed to publish this before the inaugural Marvel Fan First Friday of 2021).
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk on Barbara Minerva! Much like “Blue Monday,” her entrance theme inexplicably wound up on the cutting room floor. If WW84 was made as an excuse to increase the amount of Kristen Wiig merchandise, many licensees are not upholding their ends of the conspiracy. Keep a weather eye out for a companion piece on Doctor Domino.
Now we must venture back into SPOILER territory for the final season premiere of Black Lightning & a few episodes of Riverdale that would’ve been more momentous had the pandemic not shortened last season. As if that wasn’t enough, I have a tangible reason to hate Disney monopolization at the end.
The more I think about Wonder Woman 1984, the madder I get about it. It’s got so much sloppy writing that could’ve been fixed with another draft. Then it peppers in some great stuff that prevents me from outright writing it off. One of those was the live action debut of Cheetah, but even that could’ve been executed better. (Screen Junkies stole my alternate title!) I really shouldn’t have been surprised that the movie stumbled with Barbara Minerva when it’s precedent set by the comics & cartoons. There will be multimedia SPOILERS below because now I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time contemplating Cheetah.
When we last left Riverdale, nothing had been resolved! Its fifth season premiere doesn’t feel like one because it wasn’t intended be a season premiere. Last season was cut short by three episodes. This was titled “Climax,” but it doesn’t feel like one either. I wouldn’t even be writing this episode up by its lonesome if it weren’t blog tradition to use its popularity to bring attention to a better prematurely cancelled series. It hasn’t worked for Lodge 49 yet, but I’m giving it another go nonetheless. Am I going to need to come back in a fortnight to recap what would’ve been the fourth season finale & then do what would’ve been season five’s premiere the week after? Let me know! SPOILERS for a soap opera that continues to make no damn sense but has much better production values than the daytime variety!
The Beeboverse is back, baby! The CW’s new TV season is only a quarter later than usual. By now you should know Ruby Rose isn’t returning to star in Batwoman’s second season. Rather than recasting Kate Kane, Javicia Leslie has been cast Rose Wilder. She’s a brand new character created to be the brand new Batwoman. Ryan Wilder debuted in the wilds of Batgirl #50 (after she’d been announced to be headlining a TV show) so she’s technically a canon DC Comics character. I don’t think she’s shown up in since, so any future comics appearances will take their lead from the show fleshing her out. Meanwhile DC’s Legends Of Tomorrow will add as many characters as possible so long as they’re not from DC comics.
I wrote up a lengthy blog about my initial thoughts on the matter. Lets see how the series confirms or denies my suspicions as the season progresses. If you don’t want to go back & reread that, here are the highlights of my misgivings: The first season’s arcs heavily involving Kate hadn’t been concluded. The inaugural season’s writing was quite ropy, & we don’t know whether they would’ve stuck the landing. The entire show’s character dynamics are constructed to revolve around Kate. We barely established Kate Kane as Batwoman last season, & now we have to halt the narrative momentum to do another origin story for a whole new Batwoman. Now Kate is missing when it still hasn’t solved the mystery of what happened to Bruce Wayne. It’s not so much that the rookie has big shoes to fill as she has big shortfalls to overcome.
They’ve abandoned doing Lewis Carrol quotes for titles this season. “Whatever Happened To Kate Kane?” is very direct & possibly misleading. Here are SPOILERS of the non-Stephanie Brown variety!