Taking A Stab At Barbara Kean!

Weeks ago, I teased my final Toys R Us receipt. What did I buy? Another Barbara Kean! I just felt so bad these were warming pegs as TRU closed down. She would’ve sold better had they gone with a less passive costume & some accessories she could wield. It was a good motivator for me to finally customize her into a better outfit. Barbara is one of Gotham’s best surprises, but to explain why is a spoiler if you’re not already watching. (My sister said only weirdos watch Gotham. I can’t argue with that. It’s just science.) So watch for me to divulge various season secrets as I show her off below. All I’ll say now is that she’s Gotham City’s Cheryl Blossom, which would make Tabitha Galavan its Toni Topaz. (This analogy will be on the SAT!) So none of this makes sense if you haven’t seen Riverdale either. Ms. Kean puts the arch in arch-criminal. She is as the youths say “EXTRA AF.” 

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Teen Titans Go To Cloak & Dagger!

This week you’re getting a two-for-one review of Teen Titans Go! To The Movies (that exclamation mark in mid-title vexes me) & the first season of Cloak & Dagger! The former has fewer spoilers than the latter.

I remember when there was backlash against the Teen Titans cartoon for deviating from both the comics & the DCAU. After that wormed its way into audience’s hearts, there was backlash against Teen Titans Go! for seemingly disrespecting its predecessor. (I find it to be a better show than it gets credit for, though I only watch it infrequently.) Now we’re all united in hating the Titans trailer because it’s awful. (Does this mean we’ll have fond memories of Titans by the time the next reboot is teased?) Teen Titans Go! To The Movies makes DC Universe’s flagship series look even more embarrassing because it’s legitimutantly fun!

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My Cat Is A Dragon

We’ve tempurrarily temporarily run out of current TV & movies to draw in readers. In the meantime, we’re switching back to the old standbys of cats & books! Then we’re going off topic again! This one’s pretty short!

My cat caught her sixteenth mouse! She also has a vintage Kool penguin ash tray full of catnip she refuses to smoke.

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Every moment you spend looking at cats online is a moment you could’ve been looking at your own cats.

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Supervillains Make Gotham Great (Again)

So I was going to incorporate this into the forthcoming fourth finale review of Gotham, but it’s already as long as a typical article. The finales of this, Riverdale, Arrow, Agents of SHIELD, & The Flash are all happening within a week of each other too. Even Deadpool 2 debuts then because Grodd forbid the media I’m interested in covering be spaced out. I’m not sure if those critiques will be mashed together into a gargantuan combo review (What do you suggest, readers?), but it doesn’t need to be even longer. So here’s more spoilerish Gotham gab for a week where it doesn’t bother airing because they understand everyone’s at Avengers: Infinity War anyway. (That’s next week’s blog.)

I don’t mind WB dithering on The Batman movie possibly starring Ben Affleck. This season of Gotham has become the giant-size Batman film I’ve always wanted but otherwise wouldn’t get. Mostly because brooding Batman (He’s dressed like a bat, but it’s everyone else who’s mad?) isn’t there to draw focus away from all the kooky villains. Not since BTAS have I been so invested in rooting for so many miscreants. The secret to the show’s success is to stock its sets with scrumptious scenery & let thespian foes with GIF-able faces gorge themselves upon it.

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Now all they need to do is recruit Jimbo Gordon, & their barbershop quartet will be bigger than The Beatles!

“Come to Gotham City & be murdered by the world’s most flamboyant criminals!” The Gotham Gazette is 90% crime blotter & 10% upcoming events sure to become crime scenes. Security firms could make a mint in town if they weren’t cowards.

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Third Anniversary Of Underachievement!

Last week this blog had another anniversary! We’re now officially into year three! True to form, I’ve nothing to show for it. I still don’t have a new publisher to get The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose back into print. (Contact me if you’d like to buy one of the limited supply of signed author’s copies of the first edition I have left.) I don’t have a publisher for my second novel, which I’ve yet to complete, either. My priorities & ability to plan ahead remain out of order. Here’s an exclusive image of the scapegoat for my lack of success:

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There’s no mouse this catsquatch won’t trod upon with her GOAT feet in her quest to distract me.

I dropped my phone in Walmart surrounded by strangers & the back popped off. I literally exclaimed, “Oh no! That’s bad!” That’s kind of momentous, right? (Hopefully I’m not as doomed as Toys R Us or Barnes & Noble. The impending late stage capitalism collapse of two of my favorite industries totally isn’t filling me with any existential dread.) I haven’t seen Jessica Jones season two yet, but I have quasi-spoilery recaps for assorted network comic book shows below.

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