Thor: Ragnarok Trailer Looks Hela Good!

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BREAK IT DOWN NOW!

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi’s trailer isn’t being unveiled until Friday.  It matters not, for Disney let slip the hounds of awesome with the trailer for Thor: Ragnarok! It looks Hela good! (Look forward to me recycling this pun for my review of the whole movie!) Wardrobe committed to Hela’s insane antlers! She had better be getting a Marvel Legends toy unlike most MCU villains! The fact that Loki’s got his horns back instantly makes this a superior film to The Dark World. And instead of focusing on a floating truck, this one’s stuffed to the gills with stuff that fans actually want to see in a Thor adaptation including Jack Kirby wall murals! My concern now is how they’re going to have enough time to introduce Hela, Valkyrie, Executioner, Grandmaster, & maybe Surtur (but no Enchantress or Balder) since Marvel Studios’ master plan didn’t have the foresight to set up any of them previously.  I preemptively resent “Planet Hulk” being grafted onto Thor’s final solo movie when so much Asgardian mythos needs fleshing out, but Thor is just so adorable when he sees his friend from work! Please subvert the superheroes  pointlessly battling each other trope! The colors are so pretty! The important thing is Taika Waititi’s movie looks like oodles of fun!

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Collector’s Edition Blog #100!

This is my hundredth blog! I don’t believe it either! Arithmomaniac readers may notice that there’s actually 101 entries on this blog, but I don’t count my reblog of Cain S. Latrani’s review of The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose.  Contrariwise this one is full of my own substantive content! I made it to 100 installments of Matt The Catania in under two years by sometimes posting twice a week. See, I can be productive when there’s no immediate monetary gain! To celebrate this milestone, I’m writing about whatever I damn well please (as opposed to those previous ninety-nine posts)!

The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl is Marvel’s most delightful comic book. In other news, you can describe water in three states. This is a comic book that’s unashamed of making you learn stuff like how to count to thirty-one on each hand. Eventually it will teach me an entire college education’s worth of computer programming at a fraction of the cost! Where else can you get a Choose Your Own Adventure comic about defeating Swarm, the breakout villain of Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark? (Note to self: publish your review of S-M: TOTD while it’s still timely!) Marvel really should’ve put the romance cover to the second #8 (now do you see the folly of constantly cancelling & restarting series?) as the cover for the fourth volume to better match its title, “I Kissed A Squirrel & I Liked It.” (Sadly it lacks Squirrel Girl’s story from Secret Wars: Secret Love.) It, along with Mark Waid’s Daredevil, are the only things that have ever made me care about the Mole Man. Who knew Tricephalous was such a romantic? HawkGuy is the worst, bro!

Squirrel Girl Beats Up The Marvel Universe! thankfully skews closer to Fred Hembeck Destroys the Marvel Universe than Punisher Kills The Marvel Universe. Did you know I was the first customer to get it signed by Erica Henderson & Ryan North the World’s Tallest Torontonian at NYCC? I read it months ago but didn’t review it until now because I don’t being on top of things.

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I asked for the personalization to prevent me from selling it … unless I find someone else named Matt.

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I just wanted proof of the custom inscription, by my cat just had to make herself the center of photographic attention.

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Holy Metafiction On A Half-Shell!

Wingnut was one of my favorite action figures & a favorite character of the Archie comics. When the current TMNT toon started, I was dismayed to see that its Wingnut was apparently just a mutated Kirby O’Neil with a stumpy arm & huge cranium. The fact that his merchandise was officially labelled Kirby-Bat gave me some hope the real deal would show up. When they went into space for the first half of season four, I expected them to meet the real Wingnut & Screwloose. They didn’t, even though they could’ve tied the destruction of their homeworlds in with the Kraang, Triceratons, or Lord Dregg. I finally got my wish during “Bat In The Belfry”… sort of.

Both are conjured out of Michelangelo’s comic book via April’s Aeon Crystal as a clever way to explain why they’re dressed like Batman & Robin. (The Fantastic Four Food Groups is the best comic book nod in the episode.) This is a unique spin that still keeps them recognizable, unlike the Neutrinos or Antrax. They’re still extraterrestrials, albeit emphatically fictional ones. This allows for fun homages to Batman ’66 & Batman: The Brave & The Bold!  (I will always be delighted that the show has turned Turflytle from a one-shot gag into a running joke.) The Wingnut-a-rangs being live bats just like on the toy was cute. Bonus points for Monoculus & Skullface McGillin!

Although they were presented much better than the generic brainwashing aliens of their classic cartoon appearance, my main problem is that we don’t get to spend enough time with them. Secondly, Wingnut’s brown & black costume is too drab. If they weren’t going to do blue & grey like the toy, blue & purple like the comics (with Screwloose in green) would’ve looked better. His alternate suits in their lair would’ve also popped more. Thirdly, they don’t call anyone “plankton chip.”

Their crystal-crazed faces were wonderfully deranged. Was that heel turn a commentary on how trying to make fantasy too lifelike spoils it, much like Amazon’s The Tick Or was it referencing how TMNT developed a life of its own distinct from its parody roots? It was probably just further foreshadowing April going Dark Phoenix since she’s also ginger, but sometime I like overthinking stuff.

Sadly Wingnut & Screwloose are returned to the printed page before we get a chance to really know them beyond their archetypes. I wish they would’ve stuck around to join the Mighty Mutanimals. We’d just need Dreadmon, Man-Ray/Ray Fillet, & Jagwar to round out the classic team.

So I guess this version of Wingnut & Screwloose substitute for the Donatello Micro-Series story where April’s superintendent is Jack Kirby who makes Fourth World drawings come to life via the crystal on his pencil? That was adapted very well in the 2003 series. Did you know that Peter Laird retconned April to have been a drawing brought to life by that crystal in the last series he worked on? I missed the final two issues of that. TMNT comics are weird.

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Agents of SHIELD’s Tepid Third Finale Killed The Right Characters

Last week someone found this blog just by searching “awesome.” Moving on …

Season one of Agents of SHIELD was lousy television. Then season two surprised me by being addictively entertaining. The third season turned out to be a hybrid of the two by being thoroughly average. Losing Kyle MacLachlan, Ruth Negga, Dichen Lachman, Lucy Lawless, & Edward James Olmos was a harsh blow.

Somehow they made HYDRA even more perfunctory & flavorless even with Powers Boothe in charge. The only thing it had going for it was Mr. Giyera a.k.a. Magnoto. Whitehall telling the Malicks that their family branch of HYDRA is dumb immediately after their dad’s funeral was the most I’ve ever liked him. Every time I think they can’t make defeating HYDRA more anticlimactic, they underwhelm me.

What’s worse is that the big Inhumans gamechanger set up last year fails to take off spectacularly because the rest of the MCU won’t acknowledge the brave new status quo.

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Can I Pronunciate?

At least two people thus far have asked me how to pronounce The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose. “Is it something like bay-na-no-say, ban-eno-sa, or bah-neno-see? And do you have to say it with at least one of your hands pinched before you, fingers upturned, in a cavitating upwards motion?”

I’m sure there’s an even larger number of you at home wondering the same question but are too bashful or ambivalent to ask. And the pulse pounding answer to this age old question is … I pronounce it bane-nose, but the inevitable gritty reboot will attempt to make it sound like a real surname. Effusive hand gestures are encouraged whichever way you say his name.

So mentioning the Archie/Sharknado crossover last week got me thinking about the seminal Archie Meets the Punisher. You may recall the epilogue where Wolverine is on the trail of the world’s most dangerous mutant that looks just like Jughead, the Riverdale ripoff of Wimpy, but with a swankier king hat. To this very day, a follow up Jughead Meets Wolverine comic has not been produced to resolve this cliffhanger.

If such a comic did exist, the one plot point that absolutely must happen is Jughead getting his grubby little mitts on the Ruby of Cyttorak to become the new Juggernaut. (It’d almost make up for “The Once & Future Juggernaut” immediately undoing the awesome Living Monolith as Juggernaut development to anticlimactically revert the title back to Cain Marko in the dumbest finale possible.)  We could call him something snappy like Headnaut. No, wait, let’s try that again: Juggerhead.  Why doesn’t Juggerhead exist?

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I believe this is my first attempt at drawing Jughead. It’s kind of terrifying. Bonus fun fact: I used to take Saturday morning art classes at the Joe Kubert School  from Fernando Ruiz, illustrator of Archie Vs. Predator.

Speaking of the Canucklehead, tell Hugh Jackman what you want in the last Wolverine movie. Nobody tell him “Old Man Logan” because, quality concerns aside, it makes no sense without carte blanche access to the MCU’s (not Fox’s) characters. I vote for the classic masked yellow/blue costume & Omega Red. Or fighting dinosaurs, cave men mutates, & Sauron (not the one in LOTR) in the Savage Land.

So the upcoming SHIELD Venom lava lamp = Jemmacide confirmed? Or is it merely a conspiracy to troll with economical merchandise? Discuss in the comments.

Remember when I told you about the SDCC Marvel Legends vote? Now you can vote for one of four finalists (Darkhawk, Angela, Mysterio, another gorram symbiote Spider-Man).  I call shenanigans on SDCC attendees voting Spider-Man into the finals over Nova (Sam Alexander), Cosmo, Nebula, Quasar, Borr, the Disir, Executioner, Sif, Malekith, Ulik, & Lyra. They’re just going to make him again anyway to fill a slot in a Spider-Man Legends assortment, so don’t throw your vote away on him! (Mysterio is also likely to be made again regardless, but at least Mysterio is stupendous!) Otherwise I’ll have to learn a very particular set of skills.

Vote on the next Disney Infinity character too. It definitely lets you stuff the ballot box as many times as you refresh! Mabel Pines currently has a slight lead over Darkwing Duck. This I will allow since Gravity Falls is amazing & Kristen Schaal needs to play Squirrel Girl in a live action Marvel movie to spare us all from Thanos’s blandness. It’d be nice to get Darkwing as an incentive for Disney to release the rest of his cartoon on DVD. I’m disappointed Kim Possible isn’t performing better since she’s awesome & deserves more merchandise in addition to a complete series DVD set. The the Alice & Mad Hatter options being from the lame Burton film instead of the excellent cartoon is most infuriating. Why is naked singing Baloo from The Jungle Book an option instead of pantless pilot Baloo from TaleSpin? Where is Uncle Scrooge?

THE VOICE OF GRODD FOLLOWS ME! This sounds like something a schizophrenic person might say. It’s also something completely unexpected that happened on The Twitter since I wasn’t stalking David Sobolov before. Katrina Law also has good taste in tweets. Also on this confounding platform, I declared that Bex Taylor-Klaus & Jacqueline Toboni ought to play sisters in something. Trubel & Sin concur with me. Together they fight crime … with dancing!

Yeah, nobody understands how The Twitter really works.

Did you read Susanna Clarke’s Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell yet? It’s excellent! Did you watch the BBC’s Jonathan Strange (no relation to Dr. Stephen Strange) & Mr. Norrell  yet? It’s exactly the kind of lavish & slavish televisual adaptation I dig. It’d be pointless for me to elucidate upon why both media are so wondrous as The Manila Reader’s reviews have already done so. So if you’ve not read & or watched it yet, what are you doing with your life? How else will you find out that authors are THE WORST?