DuckTales Is Done. BOO-HOO!

DuckTales is done. BOO-HOO! Paget Brewster has decided, however, it’s getting a fourth season. As the Drunk History GOAT, I believe her. It was hard to write this review because just about everything this reboot does pleases me. There’s not much to criticize. My reviews of the first two seasons already highlighted the elements that work. So there’s not much new to write by the time it got to season three. It’s such a great series, however, that it still deserved a write-up for the final season. I finally got around to rewarding voter demands!

This review is late because I had to wait until the seventh & final installment of This Duckburg Life to be released. (Video pivoted to podcast.) This isn’t too late if you waited until it reached Disney+ to watch it. At least we still have two more seasons of The Owl House to look forward to. Now I have absorbed all the 2017 DuckTales … except the comic books & EPCOT game. So SPOILERS for everything but them inbound! As in my Doom Patrol season two recap, most of them are just sort of random observations!

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Magica De Spell wins at sight gags.

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Does The Falcon &The Winter Soldier Soar Or Freeze?

After last week’s freestyle toy rant breather, it’s back to reviewing stuff the general public cares about. The Falcon & The Winter Soldier was intended to be the first of of Marvel’s Disney+ series but covid prevented that. (Rumors has it a pandemic storyline was scrapped due to an actual pandemic happening. I’m unsure how much credence to give this since this series already has enough percolating without that.) TFATWS isn’t an elegant acronym. Since WandaVision is named for the main character’s ship name, why isn’t this titled Falucky? (This show put their unresolved sexual tension into couples therapy!) Or it could’ve been updated to Captain America & White Wolf. (It’s so odd Marvel dragged out the reveal of Wanda’s supranym for so long while they cavalierly gave Bucky a new codename he didn’t use in the comics.)

This was the series I was least excited about because I’m one of those people who insists Bucky should’ve stayed dead! (I don’t care much about Hawkeye either aside from the new supporting cast.) It’s only thanks to Sebastian Stan that I can bear to tolerate him as a co-lead. He furrows his brow most intensely! Anthony Mackie’s Falcon remains endearing. For better & worse, Disney+’s second MCU series isn’t as ambitious as WandaVision. There are curious parallels to The Boys in content but not tone. Now begin the SPOILERS for Toucan Sam & The Frosted Flake!

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The Toy Fair’s Not Back In Town

Action figures are good, but they can be better! All you have to do is become a customizer! Toys are like drugs except you need to find a place to keep them after the high wears off.

NY Toy Fair has been cancelled for 2021. In lieu of the big press show, many companies are doing smaller virtual conventions through the year. The most hyped was last week’s Hasbro Pulse Fest Fan Fest. Rather than spacing things out, Mattel, Diamond Select, & NECA decided to post similar events around the same time with less fanfare. They were all underwhelming to various degrees. I would’ve made more impulse pre-orders had Hasbro not suddenly jacked up the price of all their 6″ lines by $3. It doesn’t sound that steep on an individual basis, but it adds up when they encourage you to buy entire series of Marvel Legends to complete BAFs. With customers’ budgets already stretched thin by the terrible 2020, this feels like a precarious time to raise prices on non-essentials.

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“Ach, I’m not some nouveau riche piker! I employ people to burn my money for me!”

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Does WandaVision Deserve Derision?

D+ means Disney used to have a higher average before absorbing Fox. Wand Division is the new math. WandaVision was supposed to be bumped it forward to 2020 to make a perfect 20/20 vision joke. Although it completed filming before the pandemic production pauses, unlike Falcon & Winter Soldier, it then got pushed back to its original 2021 slot so it wouldn’t compete with The Mandalorian’s second season. Viewers are supposed to be excited for bona fide Marvel Cinematic Universe characters appearing on a televison show instead of a movie, as if Phil Coulson, Peggy Carter, Nick Fury, Maria Hill, Sif, Jasper Sitwell, Edwin Jarvis, Gideon Malick, Dr. List, & the Howling Commandos didn’t already on Agents of SHIELD & Peggy Carter. Remember when SHIELD premiered & people were mad they’d have to watch one series on free network television to fully understand the Marvel movies they paid for? Now that there’s a bunch of more directly influential series that behind a subscription service paywall, fans are excited?

Marvel Studios’ movies are sometimes described as television in cinemas since they link to form a larger story. This time it could argued that MCU’s lucky thirteenth television series is a long movie split into weekly installments. (So are these Disney+ Marvel series going to be event series? I don’t feel like making new tags for them if they’re each one & done. So this’ll just get the standard “Avengers” & like it. If renewed, we can consider making unique tags.) SPOILER warning for nine episodes of the most popular television series of the moment. You really deserve a prize if you’d made it unspoiled this far.

WandaVision Wanda Maximoff defies her name by being a witch who doesn’t wield a wand. Her Zatanna cosplay was actually scarlet. Continue reading

Black Lightning Remains Better Than Riverdale

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk on Barbara Minerva! Much like “Blue Monday,” her entrance theme inexplicably wound up on the cutting room floor. If WW84 was made as an excuse to increase the amount of Kristen Wiig merchandise, many licensees are not upholding their ends of the conspiracy. Keep a weather eye out for a companion piece on Doctor Domino.

Now we must venture back into SPOILER territory for the final season premiere of Black Lightning & a few episodes of Riverdale that would’ve been more momentous had the pandemic not shortened last season. As if that wasn’t enough, I have a tangible reason to hate Disney monopolization at the end.

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CAOS Part 4 Is A Hellish Snore

WW84 was a Christmas present that filled me with ambivalence. Meanwhile The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina Part 4 should’ve been out for Halloween! Here be SPOILERS for a final season that’s sinfully dull. It’s not a rousing way to ring in 2021. Maybe releasing it on New Year’s Eve 2020 was a fitting summation for the year? Why’d I even bother using the “horror” tag? Luckily I can throw in some recommendations for better witchcraft cartoons at the end.

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“But how do we ensure nobody likes Sabrina anymore?” CAOS writers’ room

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Amazon’s The Boys Wanna Fight…

Marvel finally confirmed Tatiana Maslany really is playing She-Hulk after two months of confusion, so I got this blog out in the nick of time! Maybe they’ll redesign Abomination to not look like Doomsday? I want less Zombie-Hulk, more Silurian-Hulk! I was expecting a confirmation that we’d finally get Tim Blake Nelson as The Leader instead. Now that this Disney Investor Day (the most banal marketing event name possible) tidbit is out of the way, we can move on to another cold take review.

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This review of The Boys comes to you courtesy of my new patron, Korey Hughes. Out of the blue, she informed me she was gifting me DVDs of the first two seasons because I don’t have Amazon Prime & she wanted to read my review of it. (I would’ve also accepted the latest seasons of The Expanse.) So this review was written for one person only. All other visitors can move along. Let this be a lesson to the rest of you: If you mail me free stuff, I will review it! This even applies to stuff you didn’t make!

Not only is this a big SPOILER alert for the first two seasons, I’ll also throw in a Content Warning! After three paragraphs of me making value judgements of source material I didn’t read, I finally start talking about the TV adaptation. There’s lots to ruminate upon in these sixteen episodes so it’s practically Love Sausage-sized! (Welcome Home, Brother Charles, exactly the wrong title for my brain to remember, beat it to the penile strangulation.) This time there won’t be any metallic lycanthropes to go with the gratuitous genitalia. Supe porn seems pretty tame compared to death by Popclaw’s snu-snu.

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Exhibit A-Train in inciting incidents.

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The Sensational 300th Blog Of She-Hulk!

This headline is sort of misleading. I have not written three-hundred blogs about Jennifer Walters the sensational She-Hulk. This is merely my three-hundredth blog on Matt The Catania, whose topic happens to be She-Hulk. I figured I should try a different topic than the best cat in the world for once. It was not my intention to draw attention away from other blogs that have legitimutantly written 300 entries on Shulkie. I apologize for the confusion. This is also an anniversary number (We survived #299!) which doesn’t coincide with an anniversary for the blog.

Hunker down for some wild thoughts on Disney+’s She-Hulk TV series. It’s still kind of timely. Can you believe Marvel & DC almost swapped She-Hulk & Martian Manhunter? Now they’ll both be live action television stars in defiance of David Goyer! All the anxiety I once had over whether Wonder Woman would suck has since been transferred to She-Hulk!

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Why Can’t We Ban Star Wars?

The Star Wars is a pathway to much suffering that some may consider unnatural. Its fandom is in a weird place now. Despite making billions of dollars on its new films, Disney’s grand plan to continually spawn more movies appears to have been scuttled. Its Story Group was so preoccupied with streamlining all the continuity that it somehow failed to plan ahead to the trilogy’s culmination. So theoretically Star Wars is over. Meanwhile TV series like The Mandalorian & The Clone Wars spinoff (Being less disappointing on television is Star Trek’s angle!) plus comic books like The High Republic are still getting buzz. So Disney put all this effort into wiping the slate clean of the sprawling Expanded Universe, only to discovery that ancillary media evoking it was more acclaimed than its flagship offerings. Go figure!

As someone who experiences Star Wars primarily through film & action figures, I’m satisfied to shrug & let the it go at this point. I like to insist I enjoy Star Wars less than you while still meeting the minimum criteria for being a fan. “We can move on to other franchises now, everybody!” says the bloke who insisted on watching The New Mutants. I’d be less bothered about SW discourse if it didn’t continue being so obnoxiously overexposed. It’s been a really tough year to write weekly content for, however, so I’m still going to write about Ewoks! Who is your favorite Star Warrior & why is it Albrekh?

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The New Mutants Finally Escaped Limbo!

The New Mutants was originally going to be released on April 13, 2018. It’s been delayed four times! Postponing this movie is the key part of a spell to cancel the Apocalypse. I guess we’re screwed now.

This being a costume-free teen-horror did not excite me, but recent unveilings of Magik & the Demon Bear made me question if it might actually be worthwhile. I was planning on seeing it at matinee prices even before all the creative drama unspooled, which make me question whether that’s too too high a cost. Except Newest Jersey hadn’t reopened its theaters the week before its release like most states. Unfortunately I still feel compelled to witness this trainwreck. At least it should be easier to dodge online spoilers? (If you’re not interested in a preamble about difficulties in viewing this film, skip past the jump.)

The crux of the problem appears to be people risking infection when they remove their masks for refreshments. (I’ve worn my mask & latex gloves indoors for multiple hours & don’t partake of movie snacks, so this felt like a risk I could manage. I’d much prefer to risk my life for Wonder Woman 1984 or Black Widow though. Maybe I should’ve applied this effort to Bill & Ted Face the Music instead?) It seems the easy solution would be to keep theater concessions closed during this period so there would be less temptation for guests to remove their masks. Of course this wouldn’t prevent patrons from sneaking in their own snacks or ensure they won’t remove their masks in theater anyway, but it’d help. Naturally theaters want to keep concessions open since that’s how they make profit, but it’s not helping their cases in states where indoor theaters are still barred from reopening. The “we’d rather make no money than less money” stance is baffling since they’ve already lost months of revenue.

Disney wouldn’t even provide screeners to paid reviewers! While it would’ve been the more hygienic move, I’m somewhat glad contractual obligations precluded Disney from dumping this on Hulu or Disney+. (If they’re going to upsell the Mulan reboot for an additional $30, purchasers should get a physical copy too. Doubly so since it’ll be free to subscribers patient enough to wait three more months.) Not only do I not want additional streaming subscriptions, $30 is too much for an X-movie I doubt I’ll be viewing more than once.

Additional effort of interstate commerce was almost required. I haven’t been to a drive-in movie since Kull The Conqueror & Excess Baggage! That was the night Princess Di died & our cat, Domino, gave birth to a litter of stillborns. ‘Twas an ill-starred evening. The nearest NY drive-in’s ticket policy feels like a scam.”If no proper spots are available at showtime, sadly, you will forfeit your parking spot and admission tickets prepaid online.” Luckily the NJ theaters reopened right before I committed to driving across the border. Due to short notice, most local cinemas didn’t have time to reopen punctually. Our theater felt like it took the responsible safety precautions too. So this marks my first collaboreview with The Wages of Cinema since Harley Quinn & Birds Of Prey!

Just like the comic book is based on, it has a generic title that is already outdated. Now without further ado, the SPOILERS have been released from Limbo below! We finally have closure for Fox’s X-movies! Since I waited this long to see it, it didn’t skimp on the verbiage.

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