February was a crazy busy month that I didn’t get around to blogging much. Remind me about that at the end of the year when I panic about my viewership decreasing. I got new spectacles, & now I’m afraid strangers online that haven’t seen my visage won’t recognize me. Then I discovered local McDonald’s charges seventy cents more for a large shamrock shake than one on the highway. The mall one is furthest away & cheapest yet by thirty cents. So if I travel far enough from home I’ll eventually be able to get shamrock shakes for a penny!
The trailer for TMNT: Mutant Mayhem just dropped. I don’t have too much to say about that yet, so let’s chat about random DC cartoons first. (Sorry, draft of random non-DC cartoons!) There will be SPOILERS for Young Justice & miscellaneous animated movies. I would’ve blogged on James Gunn’s “Gods & Monsters” DC Studios announcements, but I worry it’ll just become frustrating vaporware like Batgirl thanks to David Zaslav. I swear Zaslav becoiming WB Discovery CEO is going to be my supervillain origin story. Hardcore MODOK fetishistscan read my Ant-Man & The Wasp: Quantumania collaboreview again instead.
Now that we’ve exhausted the world’s supply ofStargirl, it’s turtle time! That’s not to be confused with National Pizza Day. My annual Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles blog contains a custom at the end which justifies this headline! This probably could’ve been two posts, but I’m giving you twice the content for half the price! We learn that all the TMNT toy manufacturers are terrible in their own ways!
The mighty Mutanimals welcome you to the gun show!
The trailer for The Guardians Of The Galaxy Holiday Specialdebuted right before Halloween. The Disney+ special presentation premiered right after Thanksgiving. For international readers,that’s the American gluttony holiday with a parade to make folks paranoid about getting everyone presents on time for the greed holiday. (Canada has its Thanksgiving earlier than the states, so substitute Battle Of The Haligonian Kaiju here.) So my annual Thanksgiving post became more of a Black Friday/Cyber Monday post due to this awkward scheduling. The headline’s going to be obsolete until next year. It just says holiday in the title, but it’s clearly meant to be a Christmas special. Can we please give the autumn/winter holidays room to breathe? This review contains SPOILERS, but you can inoculate just by watching this feature first since it’s under an hour. Just come back & read this or I’ll cry.
The headline was originally going to be “Three Thousand Years Of Longing For Stargirl,” but it sounded a tad too skeevy. I doubt anybody’s been that horny for Stargirl for so long anyway. I’m glad its third season is now here though! Ordinarily I’d wait until the season was over to review it all at once, but those posts might be prohibitively long. Also The CW series I watch that haven’t been massacred aren’t returning this fall, so there’s not going to be as much topic competition this year. I did want to recommend Three Thousand Years Of Longing though since it’s unjustly bombing. Both include a Djinn, so they’ve got more commonality than Riverdale & The Sandman (aside from serial killer conventions). Do you wish for SPOILERS?
It’s cat bloggin’ time! Recently I celebrated my cat’s tenth birthday. (I waited until after to write this headline & introduction so as not to jinx it with tragedy.) I don’t know if it’s her real birthday, but it’s the one I assigned her in lieu of a birth certificate. It’s also not her tenth anniversary of being the feline in residence. (Until her family pays her ransom, this cat will continue to be my hostage.) Rather than continuously refer to her generically, I will reveal her first name starts with D. This will maintain a level of privacy for her & prevent me from having to commit to one spelling online. Happy decade to the D-Cat!
Unlike the inflatable birthday hat fiasco, this year I went out of my way to purchase her Yeoww! catnip toys from Pet Goods she actually appreciates. The path of least resistance works to placate pussycats! Hopefully they’ll make some catnip fish in new colors because I believe she now has the complete set. She’s quite fond of nip-pineapple. I was able to get plenty of photos of her playing with her new toys, but the lighting wasn’t ideal. So here’s some of her wielding hammers instead!
“These tools are mine now. I am become a hammerist.”
I finally got around to publishing my annual cat post! As usual, it contains anecdotes about my kitty & assorted cat links with minimal narrative cohesion. Many of the links I’d collected over the year turned out to be from retricted or deleted accounts the day before just to make this more challenging. I even found new things to say about Cats. So bully for you if that’s what you’ve been waiting for from my blog! If not, come back soon for the forthcoming The Flash Armageddon, Rivervale, Spider-Man: No Way Home, & Hawkeye reviews torrent! Maybe I’ll enjoy some of them more than Batwoman’s third season?
It’s odd how Swamp Thing is often described as an obscure character when he had some of the highest media saturation for a DC Comics character prior to its shared movieverse. I never saw either film despite wishing to do so. (Tubi currently just has the sequel.) I recently leaned he previously had a poorly received yet somehow syndicated live action TV series in the 90’s. I did see the movie of Man-Thing, Marvel’s mucky counterpart, featuring the future Trish Walker when it aired as a SciFi Original Movie. Despite being made by the director of the beloved Virtuosity & LawnmowerMan (Sadly Cybo-Man is the exception to the Monkey With A Gun rule.), Man-Thingis so terrible that the title creature is ashamed to show his iconic visage until the climax.
Thanks to the intro of his very short-lived cartoon of which I only vaguely recall seeing the pilot, I’ll always associate Swamp Thing with Jimi Hendrix & The Troggs. (Is Swampy jealous Man-Thing has his own The Mountain Goats song?). He was embargoed from appearing on Justice League Unlimited (aside from some Easter eggs snuck in) because by that point he was cloistered away in the mature readers Vertigo imprint. ThankfullyJustice League Action allowed him & John Constantine to poison the minds of the youth! Swampy is very toyetic, yet somehow I never acquired any of his action figures.
I got wine drunk & called my family to let them know how succulent my Thanksgiving turkey turned out because I am an insufferable chef. The Princess of Purrsia kept screaming for some bird, & I told told her she could have as much as she wanted once it finished cooking in several hours. Then she only had a couple bites & walked off in disappointment. She interrupted many a cozy tryptophan coma afterwards. It wasn’t until day three that she put in a serious effort to help devour the poultry as it grew more putrid. Meanwhile I’ve been eating turkey every meal for four days, & my body is beginning to reject me.
I insist that this personal anecdote tangentially segues into today’s topic. If you thoughtlast week’s 300th blog on She-Hulk was a cold take, wait until you feast your eyes upon this week’s movie review! The Academy is a bunch of cowards too intimidated by Project: Metalbeast to give it the awards it deserved! This direct-to-video gem could become a Thanksgiving staple just like The Lair Of The White Worm has become for Easter! Why isn’t it Metal-Beast or at least MetalBeast?
I first learned of this motion picture from reading the comments for a werewolf action figure Kickstarter. There’s a dim memory that it was also at my local video store, but perhaps I’m just now retroactively imagining it since it’s the kind of movie that would’ve been there. I watched it on Tubi (also home to Russian were-bears), but supposedly it’s free on Amazon as well. Now, without further ado, here’s SPOILERS for a movie from 1995!
I’ve been remiss in posting new content this month. (I’ve since revised my posting schedule form weekly to semi-weekly in“About”to cover myself.) One of several unconvincing excuses is that according to WordPress, I was at 299 blog posts. One of those was just mereblogging Cain S. Latrani’s review of The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose, so I don’t count that as one I’d written. (Cain has new novels & merchandise available!Go patronize him with your funds!) As far as I’m concerned, this is my real 299th blog. I became paralyzed trying to think of worthy content not only for post #300 but also sufficient for its immediate predecessor! Curse my modicum of integrity!