Third Anniversary Of Underachievement!

Last week this blog had another anniversary! We’re now officially into year three! True to form, I’ve nothing to show for it. I still don’t have a new publisher to get The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose back into print. (Contact me if you’d like to buy one of the limited supply of signed author’s copies of the first edition I have left.) I don’t have a publisher for my second novel, which I’ve yet to complete, either. My priorities & ability to plan ahead remain out of order. Here’s an exclusive image of the scapegoat for my lack of success:

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There’s no mouse this catsquatch won’t trod upon with her GOAT feet in her quest to distract me.

I dropped my phone in Walmart surrounded by strangers & the back popped off. I literally exclaimed, “Oh no! That’s bad!” That’s kind of momentous, right? (Hopefully I’m not as doomed as Toys R Us or Barnes & Noble. The impending late stage capitalism collapse of two of my favorite industries totally isn’t filling me with any existential dread.) I haven’t seen Jessica Jones season two yet, but I have quasi-spoilery recaps for assorted network comic book shows below.

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“Gotham Is Nice. You’ll Like It.”

A movie I really liked won lots of Oscars this year! And the Award for Best In-Universe Commercial goes to… Gotham’s The Sirens Club! Collect your trophies, Danny Cameron, Hanelle Culpepper, Erin Richards, Jessica Lucas, & Camren Bicondova! Despite its excellent club scene, the cast wisely wouldn’t live in Gotham City.

Since the season left off, I’ve found myself in Gotham withdrawal. As a show I begrudgingly sat through during season one, how did it come to this? Is (Green) Arrow so unwatchable this season that it makes Gotham look great by comparison? (Sometimes I think season six is punishment for me being the only person that hated season five.) Whilst perusing clips online, I came to the conclusion that it has progressively blossomed into a legitimutantly good show just like Agents of SHIELD! Gotham is nonsensical in a kookily entertaining way, whereas (Green) Arrow doesn’t make sense in an infuriatingly dull manner. It’s so despicable now that the boxing glove arrow not being a quiver staple no longer even makes my top five complaints. (The writers threw everyone under the bus in the worst Civil War ripoff because they were too stupid to notice that Black Siren didn’t have an opportunity to personally withdraw the extortion fund for herself! AAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!) Instead of breaking my keyboard in fury, I’ll thoroughly review the one I don’t currently loathe.

In addition to not feeling as formulaic, Gotham is a better directed series overall than The CW’s DC shows. For instance, “Pieces Of A Broken Mirror” began with with four separate plots geographically converging. We don’t yet learn if Sofia Falcone is managing crime better than Oswald Cobblepot, but there’s lots of other stuff going down. Even underused Lucius Fox gets in on it.

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“Although if you pop a cap in Lee, that’d be just peachy.”

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Syfy Made Me Happy!

It’s usually easier to review something I dislike. I can point out its perceived shortcomings, explain why it didn’t appeal to me, & make suggestions of how to fix it, all while incorporating snarky quips. Meanwhile I struggle to write thorough reviews of media that just click with me. (Perhaps one day I can be as insightful as The Institute of Gremlins 2 Studies.) This installment comes later than expected because I wanted to write a meaningful recommendation of Happy! beyond “I liked this! It’s good; trust me.”

Syfy has won me over with its adaptation of Happy! Much like FILLER! & mother! (I learned only too late that it has no capitals), its loopiness bleeds into my sentence structure thanks to its mandatory exclamation mark. Sometimes it feels like it was made just for me! The Grant Morrison & Darick Robertson comic is only four issues, so it’s perfect length for a feature film. Unlike Inhumans, it translated surprisingly well into an eight episode TV season. The expanded stuff is legitimutantly engaging instead of empty padding.

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DC TV Winter Finales Are Low-Key

The Shape Of Water still isn’t playing at a theater near me yet, so I guess I’m writing about TV again this week. It’s winter finale time again for DC TV. Compared to last week’s epic Nazi-slaying crossover extravaganza, they’re on the subdued side. This year the Gotham mid-season finale (which they’re technically right in calling a season finale since its second half airs in spring) was considerate enough to line up with the CW’s. Things will be spoiled, unless you’ve seen them already. (I don’t say too much about Legends of Tomorrow as my brain has yet to fully parse its ratio of brilliant to inane this week.)

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Tales Of Gotham & TMNT

After last week’s Thor Ragnarok review, I was going to tell you how Inhumans ended. The problem is I’m so far behind on Inhumans it’s not even funny. (Let me know if anyone really wants me to go Statler & Waldorf on the rest of it.) So instead I’ll write about comic book TV shows I actually enjoy: TMNT & Gotham!

Almost every arc of the shortened Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles season could serve as the series finale depending on which aspects of the show you prioritize. “When Worlds Collide” is the conclusion to the series’ alien intrigues. The Usagi Yojimbo arc is the most independent, but still awesome. “Lone Rat & Cubs” is a flashback coda focused on Splinter as a dad. Sadly none of the villains ever screamed “We can’t stop these radical dudes!”

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Heaven Is Now Gotham

Since last we saw Gotham, it won an Emmy for Outstanding Special and Visual Effects in a Supporting Role! Presumably it’s returned earlier than usual because it needs a head start on all the hiatuses it’ll be taking. It’s also moved to Thursdays so we can get double-header of Batman-inspired shows once (Green) Arrow follows it this season. Gotham seems to be a very polarizing show despite it embracing comic book-iness while taking liberties with canon to the same degree as the CW’s DC shows. (If you dig Gotham, I highly recommend you checking out Preacher.) Weirdly Telltale’s Batman games get praised for doing its own altverse take on the Caped Crusader but this show is hated for the same principle? I’ve heard Zoo is even more bonkers, but my credulity has its limits. Irregardless, Gotham’s fourth season is off to a great start!

“Pax Penguina’s” wedding Rickroll with Mr. Zsasz was comedy gold! Oswald Cobblepot licensing crime is peak Penguin! (Studying Discworld’s Lord Vetinari the Social Justice Tyrant was a wise move.) You can tell it’s Gotham City because the nameless new Mayor & Police Commissioner eagerly agreed to his scheme. (I love that this Gotham City is a venal villain factory instead of Nolan’s insistence that it’s a regular city with Batman being responsible for all its supervillains.) He even told reporters he froze The Riddler until his terminal illness could be cured as if Nygma was the late lamented Nora Fries! Despite his lax security, Cobblepot is a way better kingpin than dull Carmine Falcone. Kingsmen has made weaponized umbrellas hip again, so how long until this series hooks him up? If I ever meet Robin Lord Taylor, I’ll probably end up calling him Lord Robin Taylor. (It puts his initials in alphabetical order!)

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He’s off to see the wonderful Wizard of Oz?

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