So there’s no through-line to this week’s blog! You like hearing anecdotes about my glossy-pelted kitty, right? Someone in the neighborhood honked their horn during my cat’s lunch, & she immediately left her meal to go to the door as if she expected her ride had arrived.
I found dirty footprints on my kitchen floor. The prints had four toes, but my cat has six. DUN DUN DUN! Is my kitty clever enough to disguise her footprints or has some normal-toed feline gotten into the house?
My brother-in-law said there’s no value in a conversation about whether my cat looks like King Kong:
Mentally superimpose a helicopter over the mouse.
New York Toy Fair 2017 just happened! It felt oddly underwhelming this year, possibly because many of the wares had been previewed earlier. Did any of my wish list picks (Star Wars Black, DC Icons, Marvel Legends comics, Marvel Legends movies, DC TV) get unveiled?
Remember when I complained about there being too much TV on Tuesdays? Now Wednesday is vying to top it with (Green) Arrow, The 100, The Magicians, The Expanse, & Legion. Why is it always feast or famine with quality genre shows? And why can’t they spread themselves out on different days better? I haven’t even gotten around to binging Luke Cage, Stranger Things, The OA (strangely not about the Green Lantern Corps homeworld), or A Series of Unfortunate Events yet! Have an early blog this week so I can focus on watching more TV instead of writing my next novel!
“Two winter finales in one season? This is madness!” “Madness? THIS IS GOTHAM!!!”
Gotham’s second winter finale of the season, “The Gentle Art of Making Enemies,” was so awesome it literally punched a dude’s face off! (Jerome should get the Dollmaker to fix that afore he gets kicked into a vat of chemicals.) Why was the carnival the only place with electricity during the blackout? I don’t care because I finally saw someone be devoured by piranhas in a dunk tank! Bruce goading Jerome to shoot staples into his arm to use as (highly improbable) lock-picks then pretending to be pained so he wouldn’t catch on was the most Batman thing he’s done since he tricked Silver St. Cloud into confessing. (He loses points for neither hiding the Court of Owls’ statue in the
BatCave two episodes ago nor splurging for decent security despite stately Wayne Manor being attacked like six times already.)
Edward “I don’t believe in no ghosts!”Nygma’s getting a legitimutant Riddler costume! Will Query & Echo debut? Might as well have master Bruce suit up as Batboy too. How many episodes until Hugo Strange un-kills Oswald? If only the Court of Owls could replace Gordon with a clone that’s not an insufferable prat…
Gotham is committed to pitting the Riddler against Penguin. This is a huge bummer since I really enjoyed them being murder besties even if they didn’t hook up. I sympathize with shippers feeling betrayed, but I also understand the writers going with this for maximum drama since it’s the relationship viewers actually care about. At least it’s making Babs & Tabs more pivotal & finding work for Clayface. You can tell the psychological warfare taking it’s toll because Oswald didn’t even eat the birthday cake of Nygma’s replacement after killing him! Will Riddler cause Disco Vampire to wear a monocle via gratuitous eye violence ala Arkham City? Then they can let eyegones be bygones. Or will they go for the “Penguin doesn’t need a reason to wear a monocle” explanation that nobody had a problem with for decades?
Unexpected fun fact: Dr. Leslie Thompkins is most effective at violating perps’ rights to get intel.
The way that they’re addressing reanimation as simultaneously bonkers & mundane is perfect. I appreciate that they turned the Joker’s face removal in the New 52 from edgy horror into a joke about poseurs. It’s only just returned & already announcing a winter break after next week? You can’t have two winter finales in the same season, Gotham! That’s madness!
One of my readers’ suggestion for 2017 was for the sort of listicles I used to write for Topless Robot & io9. While I’m eager to resume writing these for professional websites, I’m honoring reader requests in the meantime. Lists of what I’d like to see at Toy Fair this year (I’m accepting Toy Fair press passes) seem like a good topic to start with. The event is a month away, but I figure I ought to start now. A month is sufficient for the big toy companies to change their plans to suit my whims & make complete prototypes, right?
DC Collectibles is already doing sneak peeks including an expensive BTAS set of Renee Montoya, Killer Croc, Bane, Mr. Freeze, & Poison Ivy. So let’s start with them before it’s too late. They also take a really long time to get product out, so it’s best to get things onto their radar early. Since DCC does DC Icons based on the comics as well as toys based on CW shows, I’ve concocted a separate list for each. (I guess Mattel could make entries off this list too. They just won’t be as good, although I am looking forward to their King Shark BAF.) Read onward to see the top ten DC TV characters that deserve plastic immortality!
Last week I reviewed the entire
four-part three-part “Invasion!” crossover on the CW. You should go check that out since I went to the trouble of making five non-memetic pictures for it. Its sneakiest Easter Egg is the Hall of Justice hangar existing to construct the Justice League’s Watchtower satellite headquarters! Stagg Industries is a partner on the project, but nobody wants to avenge its CEO’s timeline-corrupting murder.
This week, I start talking about the genre shows going into hibernation. Didn’t the fall season just start two months ago? It doesn’t feel like any have aired a half season’s worth of episodes to warrant going on mid-season hiatuses yet. One-third season finales sounds more accurate. That means I’ll have to start blogging about books again soon.
So The Flash‘s
Bayformers Megatron Savitar is the first metahuman with a grudge against Barry for trapping him into the Speed Force in the future (distinct from Barry throwing the Philosopher’s Stone into the Speed Force in the present)? Or he may be a resurrected Zoom since he’s familiar with the STAR Labs gang. Maybe they’ll tack Max Mercury’s name onto Savitar’s true identity to double down on divinity? It still doesn’t explain where he got all those human cultists from or how they enhance the narrative. I don’t buy that Savitar the stabby speedster is going to kill Iris, especially after all the heat (Green) Arrow took for killing both its Black Canaries.
Everybody was on the money predicting Dr. Julian Albert, who apparently got the same mail order archaeology degree as Dr. June Moon, was Dr. Alchemy before the season even began. Never trust anyone with two first names! Julian made some salient points about how Barry Allen sucks, so I’m glad they didn’t undercut them by making Julian intentionally evil. He’s more like Savitar’s ventriloquist dummy, which makes all those times Dr. Alchemy talked about how awesome Savitar is narcissistic. I dig Dr. Alchemy’s steampunk plague doctor mask. Unlike his comic book counterpart, Dr. Alchemy hasn’t actually done any alchemy unless you consider giving away metahuman powers an update on alchemy as a metaphor for self-actualization. I now ship Caitlin (who really needs psychiatric help for that dissociative Killer Frost identity she’s been manifesting) with Julian so she can get the hat trick for doomed boyfriends.
I considered complaining about Supergirl last week when I made the acquaintance of a Cold Steel razor tip broadhead blow gun dart, but I opted to give it an entry off since this will be the “Heroes v. Aliens: Dawn of Invasion!” crossover review. Agents of SHIELD sure picked the wrong week to return form hiatus! (It was actually a great episode, but no fair trying to distract me when I finally have a theme!) I will tell you upfront without hyperbole that mine will be better than all the other CW “Invasion!” reviews you can find on the Interwuzzle. You made the right choice coming here! Now I’m sending SPOILERS to invade your brain!
The CW’s marketing insisted that the crossover began with this week’s Supergirl. The fact that this episode wasn’t named “Invasion!” like the rest tells you how accurate that was. So before the cameo of Flash & Vibe at the end, this installment mopped up a bunch of dangling plot threads because it was also a mid-season finale. (That crazy plot about Miss Martian’s blood turning Martian Manhunter white sure was pointless.) The center was filled with scenes that seemed to stop prematurely before they could contribute much or reach their full dramatic potential. Hank Henshaw wearing a metal Phantom of the Opera mask over his exposed metal endoskeleton didn’t make him calling himself Cyborg-Superman without resembling Superman any less dumb. Since her mom is Lillian (Lex’s mom was originally named Agnes in the comics before they went alteration mad), the insane part of me wishes they’d gone full Smallville & named Katie McGrath Lutessa Luthor. Maybe it would’ve felt less perfunctory if they hadn’t rushed through thwarting Cadmus to get Supergirl to from Earth-38 to Earth-1. Also, Alex stealing Winn’s beer at Thanksgiving was neither chill nor sanitary.
So why would Kryptonians name their bio-weapon Medusa rather than something from their planet’s mythology? How did Henshaw know to look up a secret government bio-weapon by name at the Fortress of Solitude (& reprogram Kelex against Kara)? If Kryptonians engineered the virus to kill non-Kryptonians, why wasn’t it deadly to humans too? If they were able to modify it to be harmless to humans, why couldn’t they have also made it deadly to Kryptonians too using Kara’s blood? How nice of Guardian, the one superhero that would definitely be immune to Medusa, to not help out his alien buddies on this. More importantly, why tease us with an episode called Medusa without adapting this cover?
Supergirl’s true power is the magic of friendship!