Agents of SHIELD … IN SPACE!!!

Our long Inhumans nightmare is finally over (I still haven’t mustered the willpower to view its final four episodes.) because Agents of SHIELD is back! I’ve missed these spies! Thanks to Disney for mandating ABC renew it! The two-part season five premiere was so enjoyable that it opened with a Talking Heads music video! SPOILERS IN SPAAAACE!!!

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Thor Ragnarok (& Roll) Is Hela Good!

You ever go to a barbecue joint you haven’t been to in a while & decide you might as well splurge on a full rack of baby back  ribs? Then when they bring out your food, it looks like almost too much food? But then you start on the first rib & it’s even more delicious than you remembered. So you quickly strip the flesh from a second rib. Then a haze sweeps over you. Once it passes you see your glass of sangria is empty, your plate of ribs contains naught but a heap of bones, the other patrons have expired with large chunks missing, & your hands are covered in red goo of assorted viscosity. Then you declare that it was really yummy! Luckily the kitchen staff appears intact so you may return. That’s what Thor Ragnarok is like!

The Wages of Cinema invited me back to collaboreview it with them. I agreed since they had nice things to say about me in their retrospective podcast of favorite episodes. Verily doth SPOILERS roam free onward!

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Happy Helaween From The Upside Down!

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I made you a turducken of terror!

Unlike the first season of Stranger Things, I was able to watch 2 Stranger 2 Things without the Interwuzzle spoiling everything for me! (I did so instead of catching up on Inhumans because I was the real monster all along!) So now I’ll spoil it for you! But odds are you also spent the weekend binging it. I guess this will still be around if you’d prefer to finish it & return, too.

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Gifted With A Black Mirror Into A Sense8 Cat

Last installment I pioneered the art of cold takes! Continuing this trend, I’ll be talking about two Netflix shows you probably already saw. Then for the sake of novelty, I’ve got exclusive cat photos! There’s a bit about some X-Men media, too. This is why the week’s headline is gibberish!

Black Mirror is the catharsis of failure. After an abundance of fiction where the protagonists win just by being the protagonists, it’s strangely refreshing to watch a series with so many downer endings. It’s very honest about the likelihood of the average bloke enacting positive change, but it still believes those attempts are worth chronicling. Rather than being depressingly nihilistic, it generally avoids focusing on schadenfreude in favor of the perseverance against insurmountable odds. It’s the long-form version of Garfunkel & Oates’s “Such a Loser.”  Instead of being science-shaming speculative fiction, it gives a head’s up to prepare for the future that is bad for you. (Or pro-tips for weakpoints in your plan to ruin society with innocent technological innovations.) It’s a very Humanist show.

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Inhumans Vs. The Gifted

I couldn’t afford to watch Star Trek Discovery. (I’ve never seen so many people eager to catch STD!) So against my better judgment, I watched both of the new TV series about Marvel Comics’ genetic superhumans, Inhumans & The Gifted. So strap in for an extra long spoilerific double review!

The best part of discount Thor featuring lunar muties was that my cat tried to ensnuggle me for 3/4 of it. Brought to you by the man who gifted the world with lumberjack Dexter & dragon-free Iron Fist, Inhumans shows glimpses of cool stuff only to yank them away. I may have some controversial views on the state of Lucasfilm, but I think we can all agree that Marvel Studios letting Scott Buck helm two series was a mistake. Did it lose a contractual bet with Sony or Fox to make Inhumans’ cinematic demotion as underwhelming as possible? It’s a pity this is set when when the Agents of SHIELD are indisposed because it could desperately use some charismatic protagonists (not to mention their writers). None of the visuals justified IMAX cameras. ABC can’t make this miniseries look as good as even one of The CW’s four DC series. It takes itself way too seriously without the necessary prerequisite of actuality being quality.

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The villain is an abolitionist. Go home, 2017! You’re drunk!

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Great Disturbances In The Force

Colin Trevorrow has been booted from Untitled Star Wars Sequel: Episode IX. People who’ve had the misfortune of seeing The Book of Henry tell me this is fantastic news. (That’s not to say there isn’t a deep pool of worse directors they can plug into this too big to fail conclusion.) He’s the fourth director (Remember Josh Trank’s aborted Boba Fett film?) to be let go by Disney’s Lucasfilm. WB gets dissed for its DC plans being in a state of apparent entropy, but obviously this phenomenon is not exclusive. If fans are going to come to Lucasfilm’s defense for trying to right the mega-franchise ship to avoid cinematic icebergs, maybe grant WB/DC some of that courtesy too? Or rag on them both?

 Michael K. Williams’s performance has been cut from A Star Wars Story: Untitled Han Solo Film (Why isn’t it just Han Solo?) because he couldn’t fit extensive reshoots into his packed schedule. Rather than axe the character completely, replacement director Ron Howard has replaced him with Paul Bettany in the quickest instance of whitewashing. I’m hoping this half-animal character is a Selonian because Han Solo punching a giant otter in the tummy is actually something I’d like to see. At least he’s going full nepotism by giving Clint Howard a role so he can be in both of the big Star franchises.  If Rogue One can be a non-swashbuckling war movie, why wouldn’t Lucasfilm let Lord & Miller make this a comedy? Millennial Falcon & Red Letter Media deserve some Imperial credits for cracking the screenplay. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

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The Joker’s On You!

If you’re reading this, congratulations on surviving the total Eclipso of the heart! The big news that dropped just as I was reviewing  The Defenders is that WB will be making stand alone Elseworlds movies separate from the DCEU (this is still a yucky name). These could be really interesting palate cleansers for folks that are bored with the current film continuity & tradtional superhero movies in general. The first one up is … a gritty The Joker origin movie set in 1980’s Gotham City? So this will still have nothing to do with anything fans like about the Joker? So far it’s just produced by Martin Scorsese not directed by him, so don’t get your hopes up.

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