What If Brother Banenose Was A Movie?

Thank you to everyone who celebrated my blog’s birthday with me! I hope you enjoy your 99¢ eBooks & remember to leave a review!

John “Finn the human” Boyega retweed me!

Now I can’t stop getting notifications. If only there was some way to get everyone who hearted it to read a specific book…

Did you know that if an image contains 20% text, Facebook won’t take your money to boost that post? Weird, eh?

I’m disappointed that red Kryptonite on Supergirl just made her a jerk. They shouldn’t be repeating Smallville’s mistakes. Red Kryptonite can have any surreal effect writers dream of, so making it so cliche was a waste. She didn’t even go full world-conquering evil with a snazzy pope hat!

Did you know I started writing a screenplay for The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose before Booktrope made it available to purchase as a book? I’d still love to see it adapted into a feature film. Perhaps a limited run TV series like Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell would be even better so less would need to be cut for time constraints. So I’ve taken the liberty of fan-casting (until the book’s popularity takes off, I must serve additionally as its biggest fan) a possible live action adaptation. My absurdly extensive cast list has shifted a bit over the years, but this is who I’d go with if production started right now:

Brother Banenose – Ian Holm

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With range spanning Napoleon Bonaparte to Bilbo Baggins, Ian Holm can make a befuddled monk compelling. If you think he’s too old, then know that Derek Jacobi is my second choice. We’re going full ageist on this one.

Fairuza – Annet Mahendru

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I cycled through a bunch of actresses before it struck me that Annet Mahendru was the perfect Fairuza. She’ll get to be more screwball & less dour than she is on The Americans. All she needs is a fancy dagger, a rawhide ensemble, & a necklace of teeth!

Norbert – Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran starred as an irascible character with just enough charm that you didn’t want him booted off screen in Black Books. This will be crucial as Norbert goes full dirtbag.

Stephfi the Marauderatrix – Rachel Skarsten

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Stephfi was tough to cast until I realized that superhero movies prove any thespian can upgrade their physique for a role. All Lost Girl’s Rachel Skarsten has to do is massively bulk up & wear lifts in her boots. She already has the warrior attitude.

The All-Seeing Insect Of Doom – Kristen Schaal

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Kristen Schaal’s voice can oscillate between irritating & adorable, so she’ll find the ideal medium for The All-Seeing Insect Of Doom’s squawks of ill tiding. Muppeteers will bring its body to life.

Read on, for I’ve cast even more obscure characters after the break!

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Brother Banenose Is Becoming!

Buy The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose RIGHT NOW!

The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is finished! All of the required documents have been sent to Booktrope. Nobody is more impressed than me, since I started writing it in high school but have since matriculated. Clearly I lack the work ethic of Lou Bloom from Nightcrawler (sadly not starring the fuzziest blue mutie, Kurt Bamfenstein). So to celebrate, here’s the blog debut of a painting (unless you count it being in both trailers) with an excerpt & hashtag on top.rbac2

This was the first painting done of Fairuza & the baboon (who has a name, you know!). Maybe I’ll tell you more about their secret origins someday.

Today’s title says The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is (be)coming, but you can actually get it RIGHT NOW!  SURPRISE! Barnes & Noble just has the NOOK edition at the moment, but you can get the paperback & Kindle edition at Amazon. More vendors should roll out soon. Yours, dear reader, are definitely the right hands for this book to fall into. If you could review it after you’ve read it, that’d be awesome. Many thanks in advance for your gracious patronage. I’d like to thank everyone at Booktrope who helped make this happen!

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TANTO FIGHT!!!

Happy Day Without Sports, otherwise known as the day after Bastille Day! It’s my favorite holiday so I celebrate it 365 days a year! In honor of this momentous occasion, here’s that painting of a knife fight that I told you about. This is definitely not a sport. Somebody could die!

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Now you can see for yourself that I did a terrible job making it look like X-Men Adventures #6. First of all, there are way too many characters in it. My compositions are getting progressively more crowded. You’ll notice the titular Brother Banenose, the tooth-be-necklaced Fairuza, & the mighty Stephfi. You also get your first looks at Norbert the false pig specialist & the All-Seeing Insect of Doom! Lastly, we have the clothing-deficient [CHARACTER NAME REDACTED BECAUSE IT’S A SPOILER]!

Originally, I had intended to paint an entirely different scene for this chapter. Then I remembered I kind of made a big deal about the tanto fight so I should probably paint that. It also did not require me to paint a ceiling like the alternate scene so it won. My difficult second novel might be set entirely outdoors to completely circumvent the possible necessity of depicting ceilings.

Most books would put such a thrilling scene at the climax, but not mine! This happens in chapter ten, which is roughly the halfway point. So things can only escalate from there! Unless everything is downhill after that. I’ll let you be the judge. But first have a look at the even behind-the-scenesier uninked sketch for the painting that didn’t scan that well:

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If you would like to spread awareness of The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose on The Twitter, please use the hashtag  #BrotherBanenose. You can alternatively use #TheDolorousAdventureOfBrotherBanenose if you have a lot of characters leftover that you’d like to use up. If you go for the acronym #TDAOBB, nobody will know what you’re typing about.

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Oversize Scanners Are Dead! Long Live Oversize Scanners!

After weeks of merely telling you The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose will be published by Booktrope, I now have something to show for it. Feast your eyes on the brand new painting I made for its cover:

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Just Some FILLER!

“EH?* Two posts in as many days? But you promised you’d only post once a week! Why would you do this to me?”

Well dear hypothetical reader, it’s like how your doctor tells you to take a double dose of your medicine the first day just to get firmly on the road to recovery. Trying to build a following for a weekly blog is tricksy without enough content to convince visitors to return. So that’s why I’m doubling down on entries. Trust me, I’m a doctor.**

I need to post some substantive content to get you invested in the success of this fledgling blog. I don’t want to lead off with a repost of an article commissioned by another site. The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is not quite ready for human consumption yet. So my best option is to show you some FILLER!

Feast your eyes upon the award-winning*** short film FILLER! If you already know me then odds are I’ve already forced you to watch it. That’s why you need to forward this blog to people I don’t know so you can all commiserate in regional support groups.

I co-wrote FILLER! with Andrew Birchenough. He, Fred Henry III, Lindsay Tierstein, Kristin Allmer, Tony Lombardo, Mike Dilorenzo, Brenda Belohoubek, Korey Hughes, Jack Gattanella, Casey Walker, Christina Hoffman, Krystle Von Thaden, Matt Rosen, & I graciously agreed to star in for free. (Should I add tags for these fine thespians too?) I ended up directing it despite not being a film student. FILLER! has since gone on to be an incredibly minor Interwuzzle sensation, particularly in The NetherlandsIt even has an IMDb page where you can rate it ten stars.

I am inordinately pleased with how FILLER! turned out & the response it has received. There are many more anecdotes I can share about this project. Give me some feedback about what you’d like to know more about in the comments section below. Keep your eyes figuratively peeled for more on FILLER! whenever there’s a slow week. If you’d rather not see any more FILLER!, keep your eyes peeled literally.

*’Eh?’ is a registered trademark of The Commonwealth of Canada.

**Doctor of Jurisprudence. Matt The Catania & its author are not responsible for anyone foolish enough to use this blog as a medical resource.

*** First Prize in the Alternative Film Category at the 2008 William Paterson University Film Festival