Jessica Jones Dourly Ends The Defenders Era

Daredevil, Luke Cage, Iron Fist, The Defenders, & The Punisher have all been cancelled. Jessica Jones is the last Defender standing. Well her series is done after season three, but it’s the last of Marvel’s Netflix shows to be released. Although I refuse to let go of Kilgrave not being purple, Jessica Jones season one was great. I liked season two more than most thanks to Janet McTeer’s superlative performance as Alissa Jones. Netflix hasn’t released any fun stills to riff on, so I’m falling back on my own natural resource of cat action figure photos. (Marvel & Netflix care about it so little they didn’t even make any mock covers for it like last season.) Now let’s pour one out with SPOILERS for Jessica Jones season three! Will it finally pay off Chekov’s Stilt-Man?

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Had this deleted scene been set after Endgame, Double J could’ve finagled a European vacation from Triple J.

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Dark Phoenix Is A Dank Failure

The last X-Men movie was delightful, whereas the last X-Men movie was abysmal! (The pedantic distinction is confusing.) Fox let the co-writer of X-Men: The Last Stand, Simon Kinberg, remake his own crappy movie! Even my The Wages of Cinema pals tapped out on Dark Phoenix. They have no sense of masochism! I was thinking about just writing a whole blog about why I’m not excited about this movie, but I don’t know how many times I can do that after missing the Hellboy reboot. (They took it away just as I was getting motivated to see a matinee.) So I’m doing this SPOILERY review solo! (Don’t worry; I bought a ticket to Godzilla: King of the Monsters instead of supporting this financially.) Shocking no one, this movie is not good. You know who is legitimutantly awesome though? Sauron! Please skip this review to the part where I extol his virtues.

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Hellboy Held Up, Avengers Eventually

Last week floated the question of whether I’d be reviewing the Hellboy reboot this week. The answer is … no. Sorry, everybody eagerly awaiting my review!

I both do & don’t want to see it. I really wanted Hellboy 3 by Guillermo del Toro starring Ron Perlman! Mike Mignola’s stark minimalism was almost diametrically opposed to del Toro’s lush maximalism but it worked! (I’ve heard gossip that Mignola being displeased with the movies diverging so much from the comics was a factor in nixing the third one.) I would’ve been fine seeing this one providing the trilogy had finished, but it didn’t. The monsters in the trailers (where Hellboy says he’s a Capricorn despite being a Libra in the comics) look nifty, but both general reviewers & Hellboy fans say it’s not good. I kind of feel bad skipping it since I’ll probably end up seeing the much worse looking Dark Phoenix in theaters. The original was released in April too, but I still think October would be a better fit (especially with all the competition this month). I was thinking about seeing it at a matinee, but the timing hasn’t worked out yet. Maybe I’ll get to it once it’s completely irrelevant?

So this almost late installment will mostly be about tangential Avengers tidbits that would’ve made my forthcoming review of the next movie even more long-winded.

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Hail To Thea Queen Of The Toy Chest!

I finally gave up waiting for DC Collectibles or Mattel (or even Soap Studios) to produce (Green) Arrow’s best character. (The other alternative was this unlicensed 1/6 costume set that doesn’t even include a 12″ figure to wear it.) Toy Fair 2019 confirmed she’s not in the cards. This Thea “Speedy” Queen was made from a Civil War Scarlet Witch action figure. The notion came to me just as I was going to make the MCU toy more comics accurate with a tiara & red pants. I suddenly realized that not only was this costume already close to Speedy’s (The CW’s debuted first), the Elizabeth Olsen head sculpt could pass for Willa Holland. (I’ve never seen the two of them in the same place…) Plus the right hand was already in an acceptable arrow-nocking position, & the vertical hinge in her left wrist would work for archery poses. It’d save me a lot of work as opposed to the fantastic one bluebery practically sculpted from the ground up.

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“Come get some!”

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Does Captain Marvel Live Up To Its Title?

For my fourth blogiversary, I’m doing a SPOILERY collaboreview with The Wages of Cinema for Captain Marvel! It only took twenty-one films, but Marvel Studios finally has a solo superheroine & a female (co-)director!

You can read the rest by Skrullin’ scrolling higher lower, further, faster, baby!

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Only Binary opinions on Captain Marvel are allowed.

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The LEGO Movie 2 Is Awesome, Obviously

As you’d expect, The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part is awesome. There, that’s the zero spoilers review. Go see it. (Then keep reading this. It also contains non-LEGO musings.)

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Netflix V. Gotham: Dawn Of Bombogenesis

So there was no blog last week. I failed you, & the world didn’t stop spinning as it was supposed to! My work on an extensive custom project was derailed by bombogenesis. (R.I.P. Dick Miller & the Marcal factory.) Extreme cold makes me go into hibernation mode because I’m half-Scarren. I could’ve run something else, but my anti-creativity levels also rose. I’ll probably end up writing over fifty-two posts this year anyway, so this wasn’t a big loss. We’re back now False Spring has sprung with the Year of the Pig, cake sniffers!

Super Bowl commercials were equally uninspired this year aside from Houses Lannister & Targaryen uniting to make those obnoxious Bud Light bastards dilly dilly dead. (Skittles Commercial: The Broadway Musical doesn’t count but was probably superior.) Why don’t the football teams also put aside their differences to form one mega-team? As I understand sports only marginally better than Bitcoin, I shall devote the rest of this essay on the merits of Netflix originals & Gotham again. It was either that or random feline thoughts. (Those will return eventually!)

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