“The Mystery of the Missing Moustaches!”

I watched the entire first season of Gotham so you didn’t have to. It has a dopey charm, but watching The F-Lash (it had a whole episode about a psionic gorilla!) would be a better use of your time. I don’t want to tell Gotham how to do its job, but here’s what Gotham needs to fix for season 2:

10 Ways To Fix Gotham For Season 2 

lp5i2This guy knows what I’m talking about.

I guess I need to ramble on to make this post worth your while if you’ve already had my latest Topless Robot list foisted upon you.

This blog has finally received some visitors from Africa! Now all we need is a visitor from Antarctica & all the continents will be covered! Anybody know people in Antarctica?

Not nearly enough of you are using the #SchaalForSquirrelGirl hashtag I invented.

Robert Malmont’s The Chinatown Death Cloud Peril is hardcore pulp. It’s like The League of Extraordinary Writers. Unfortunately the ending has a Deus Ex Machina.

Creators Kurt Busiek & Benjamin Dewey agree with me that Goldfoot of Tooth & Claw: The Autumnlands (it has interspecies lesbians!) sounds like Holly Hunter.

Agents of SHIELD season 2 finale SPOILERS! Cal singing “Daisy Bell” was the finale highlight. Kyle Maclachlan really deserves an Emmy (as do Tatiana Maslany & Tom Cavanagh). I’m so bummed that Raina got killed just to show Quake her mom is evil. I was rooting for her to achieve Peak Supervillainy. Symbiote Simmons’s name should be Jemmacide! I have typed it therefore Jemmacide is canon now!

“You Like Memes, Don’t You?” Episode VI

I had a blast guest blogging at io9 over the weekend! In case you missed it, here are the articles you need to read:

Anybody Remember The Long Lost  Cartoon Super Turbo Atomic Mega Rabbit?

Now Marvel Wants You To Subscribe To Clothing, Too!

Man Plus Has The Kookiest And Therefore Greatest Plan To Colonize Mars

Why Can’t Wonder Woman Toys Get Her Most Important Accessory Right? 

New Favorite Theory: All Of Kyle MacLachlan’s Roles Are The Same Person!

Stories That Lost Their Writers (And Their Plots) Halfway Through

I’ll have some behind the scenes posts on these in the future, but the important thing is that Kyle MacLachlan tangentially acknowledged my existence on The Twitter! (I’m being optimistic since I don’t know if he read beyond the headline.)

So the substantive content for this week will be the first in a series on memes I’ve made. In fact, the very first memes I’ve ever made are below. Last year, Topless Robot ran a meme contest to win a Stormtrooper uniform. I didn’t really want one, but I decided to enter anyway because I have strong opinions on Stormtroopers.

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I used to think the Empire created lots of jobs via Stormtroopers, but then the awful prequels revealed they’re all clones.

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This was made before Tatiana Maslany was rumored to star in Star Wars: Rogue One. Felicity Jones got the lead instead. Why can’t we have a Star Wars movie with two female leads? Do you think I can tweet this to Ms. Maslany & the rest of the Orphan Black team or will it come off as insulting?

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These two received honorable mentions.

Upcoming meme posts will feature DC Comics characters (unfortunately not Killer Moth, though). Of course memes aren’t actually memetic if you don’t use them to pollute strangers’ thoughts. So feel free to pass these around like a social disease. I only request that you attribute them to Matthew Catania or include a pingback to my blog, The Twitter, or Fan Page. Nobody from Africa or Antarctica has visited my blog yet, so we need to work on that as well.

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Shameless Cross-Promotion!

Well I’ve broken my oath twice in as as many weeks. Just don’t expect semiweekly content from here on out. This instance was born out a timing necessity to maximize synergy.

If you remember from the introduction, sometimes I write content for Topless Robot. Today my latest daily list,  “The Top 10 Movies That Were Basically Uncredited Superhero Comic-Book Adaptations,” was published. It’s my twenty-fifth piece for the site. So this will be me writing an online article about another online article I wrote because this Amphisbaena has already converted itself into a hoop. Here’s the URL in case you’d rather not click the previous hyperlink for some strange reason: http://www.toplessrobot.com/2015/03/the_top_ten_stealth_comic_book_movies.php

The site’s editor, Luke Thompson,  greenlit  this article after I pitched it to him at the beginning of January. I originally titled it “The Top Ten Stealth Superhero Movies.” My first draft didn’t have an entry on The Matrix = The Invisibles because there had already been a few articles that covered this thoroughly. It’s the platonic ideal of my listicle’s thesis, however, so I made it the bonus eleventh entry. In revising the article, I copied & pasted some of the entries around, inadvertently leaving two #7’s & no #4. Numbers: HOW DO THEY WORK? I also misspelled Aza Chorn. I’m usually better at proofreading. I can’t discuss much of the response to the article because people are still commenting on it, but I am surprised that Unbreakable has fans.

Do you want to know more?

I Don’t Know What I’m Doing, So It Must Be Art!

Welcome to Week Two of Matt The Catania! I hope you survive the experience! Since my last post, the site has gone green: Erin go bragh & eco-friendly!

The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is a book I’ve been working on for years. It’s a Medieval fantasy comedy in twenty-three chapters & an appendix about the humorous misadventures of a 14th Century Franciscan monk named Brother Banenose. Here, let me paint you a picture:

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Yes, in addition to writing the novel, I’ve also illustrated parts of it. This particular scene comes straight from the first chapter. This is a book that wastes none of your time in getting to to nocturnal cleaver assaults! Isn’t that what you came here for? The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is all thriller no filler! (Unless you really like FILLER!, in which case I rescind the previous boast.)

I am a staunch proponent of novels having pictures in them. I don’t understand how society decided that pictures are only fit for children’s books. They’re an extra bastion against seas of of anarchic readers mis-imagining the author’s words. How can authors be so arrogant as to assume their words will be sufficient brainwashing? Doesn’t the literary world realize that if readers are encouraged to use their own imaginations to supplement novels they’ll eventually just dream up free entertainment for themselves causing the fall of Capitalism as we know it? That’s how post-apoctalyptic dystopias happen!

So I hope to include some artwork when The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is published for mass consumption. (It has been known to cause madness in the beta-readers I foisted it upon. For the sake of marketing, let’s call that a feature.) I have four paintings completed with a fifth in progress. (Are you interested in seeing the preliminary sketches or just the final pieces?) Unfortunately the canvases are all larger than my scanner bed. Any suggestions of where I can get high quality scans of them done? If given the choice would you prefer to see the book embellished with only paintings, only drawings, or a combination of both?

That’s all for now. Bring some friends along next time.

Just Some FILLER!

“EH?* Two posts in as many days? But you promised you’d only post once a week! Why would you do this to me?”

Well dear hypothetical reader, it’s like how your doctor tells you to take a double dose of your medicine the first day just to get firmly on the road to recovery. Trying to build a following for a weekly blog is tricksy without enough content to convince visitors to return. So that’s why I’m doubling down on entries. Trust me, I’m a doctor.**

I need to post some substantive content to get you invested in the success of this fledgling blog. I don’t want to lead off with a repost of an article commissioned by another site. The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is not quite ready for human consumption yet. So my best option is to show you some FILLER!

Feast your eyes upon the award-winning*** short film FILLER! If you already know me then odds are I’ve already forced you to watch it. That’s why you need to forward this blog to people I don’t know so you can all commiserate in regional support groups.

I co-wrote FILLER! with Andrew Birchenough. He, Fred Henry III, Lindsay Tierstein, Kristin Allmer, Tony Lombardo, Mike Dilorenzo, Brenda Belohoubek, Korey Hughes, Jack Gattanella, Casey Walker, Christina Hoffman, Krystle Von Thaden, Matt Rosen, & I graciously agreed to star in for free. (Should I add tags for these fine thespians too?) I ended up directing it despite not being a film student. FILLER! has since gone on to be an incredibly minor Interwuzzle sensation, particularly in The NetherlandsIt even has an IMDb page where you can rate it ten stars.

I am inordinately pleased with how FILLER! turned out & the response it has received. There are many more anecdotes I can share about this project. Give me some feedback about what you’d like to know more about in the comments section below. Keep your eyes figuratively peeled for more on FILLER! whenever there’s a slow week. If you’d rather not see any more FILLER!, keep your eyes peeled literally.

*’Eh?’ is a registered trademark of The Commonwealth of Canada.

**Doctor of Jurisprudence. Matt The Catania & its author are not responsible for anyone foolish enough to use this blog as a medical resource.

*** First Prize in the Alternative Film Category at the 2008 William Paterson University Film Festival