Limited Edition Food v. Zack’s Axes

What  I am about to tell you may shock delicate sensibilities: I find pizza to be overrated. What’s wore is that both vegetarians & omnivores have found common ground in not shutting up about how great pizza is. As someone that generally avoids the stuff, I found myself improbably intrigued by the commercials for Little Caesar’s smokehouse pizza. It reminded me of the barbacoa pizza I had at Telepizza. The problem was the nearest Little Caesar’s is over an owl hour away.

Eventually, I did find an excuse to be in the neighborhood. Do all Little Caesar’s resemble fortified bank lobbies without tables on the inside? Due to the lack of seating & scenery, I had to drive to the nearest comic book shop & eat it in my car like some kind of criminal! (Do criminals often eat pizza in cars? I only ask because what I don’t know about crime could fit in a phone book. Meanwhile what I don’t know about cars could fit in two.) It was delicious! The three barbecued meats (brisket, bacon, & pulled pork) were savory & high quality for the price. I was forced to eat the entire thing by myself! I didn’t know Big Moe Cason was a person before, but now I have reason to implicitly trust him.

A few weeks later, I had another opportunity  to pass by a Little Caesar’s. They told me they don’t make the smokehouse pizza anymore. WHAT? Not only did the commercial fail to mention this concoction was a limited time offer, it wasn’t even available for a full two months? This comes on the heels of Blimpie’s & Wendy’s not reviving their explicitly limited offer BBQ pork items. Why is it so difficult for fast food restaurants to keep pulled pork on the menu? There aren’t any chains that specialize in it, so you’d think one of these trial runs would be a grand slam.

Of course the most agonizing of limited edition edibles remains the McDonald’s shamrock shake. This year was even worse because they added an array of mint-chocolate drinks with it & didn’t haven enough STRAWs to go around. (Will they have enough Frorks for Cinco de Mayo?) McDonald’s knows there’s an insane demand for these, so why only make them available around St. Patrick’s Day? They’ve got over forty years worth of market research to show it’s popular enough to keep around. Why does McDonald’s only want my patronage in the spring? I WANT TO DRINK MINTY THINGS ALL YEAR!

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Step one: Create demand for your exclusive product. Step two: Abruptly cut off this popular product’s supply. Step three: Profit?

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Deadpool Does SEO Wonders!

The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is now on NetGalley! At least for a month, but remember February is short even in Leap Year. So I reckon thirty days from its posting date gives you until March 6, 2016. If you’re a book blogger, go request it now!

This blog has finally surpassed 10,000 visitors! I also found out how to slap book quotes onto inspirational photos. Behold my first attempt!

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 Which quotes from The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose would you like to see get this treatment next?

Hey did you hear about this Deadpool movie?

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The Force Awakens A Recycled Hope

According to WordPress, the statistics for inaugural ten months of Matt The Catania were these:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed 12,286 times in 2015. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take more than 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it. Site visitors came from 181 countries.

I also made a book. Once you finish reading it, come back for my in-depth review of the newest Star Wars flick.

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No Time For Champions, ‘Cause We Are The Losers!

Another reader has professed her love of The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose with a snapshot!

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It’s always heartening to know there are fans somewhere out there, so be not shy! As an indie author who didn’t receive an advance, I appreciate & depend upon everybody who generously patronizes me! If you have a camera & a copy of my book (print or digital), you too can wind up on this blog!

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The Game Is Afoot?

“The more that I read I think that the story would make a good video game, with all of its levels!” says my Grandma. I don’t own a video game playing machine, but this sounds about right. Any video game developers reading this that’d like a piece of the action before The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose becomes the next big thing?

The Holiday Prefunk promotion has ended, but you can get learn of great ebook deals by signing up for Runaway Goodness’s newsletter. While the sale may be over, it’s never a bad time to buy The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose! It makes the perfect present for Hanukkah, Christmas, Yule, New Year, Groundhog’s Day, Valentine’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries, or whatever winter holidays you celebrate!

Thanks to Robert “Sharky” Pruneda for giving me a cameo on his Thanksgiving blog, which I should’ve linked to in my Thanksgiving blog.

SHIELD Can’t Protect You From Holiday Prefunk!

The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is part of Runaway Goodness & Booktrope’s Prefunk the Holidays promotion! This means the Kindle version will be priced at $2.99 throughout November. If you’re a a Kindle Unlimited subscriber, you can read it for free. The ebook version will be Kindle exclusive for at least this period, but you can still get the paperback version from whomever.

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From November 9-14, the Kindle edition will be FREE to everyone! So if you’re low on funds but want to give my debut novel a shot, November is the perfect month to do so. If you’ve already  bought an e-copy of it, don’t despair! There are over 200 other Booktrope books that will be free next week. You’re sure to find something new you’ll like.

Once you have acquired The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose at a bargain, I need reviews! Reviews are very helpful for getting indie books like mine to stand out from the sea of the thousands of books published each year. So regardless of whether you acquire my book during the Holiday Prefunk, I still need you to post your critiques to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, GoodReads, your blogs, or wherever else. I’d prefer if you say something nice about it, but even negative reviews can help build buzz. Reader reviews are also useful feedback for how I can improve my difficult second novel.

Don’t forget to post selfies with the book too!

My editor, Majanka Verstraete, is my new Marketing Manager! Reach her at  majanka.verstraete@booktrope.com for promotional opportunities.

Agents of SHIELD critique & Jack-o’-lantern photos after the break!

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Das traurige Abenteuer des Bruder Banenose kommt jetzt auf Deutsch!

I’m very grateful that Matt the Catania has been visited by readers across the globe. (We’re still awaiting visitors from Svalbard, Kiribati, Iran, Syria, Cuba, Central African Republic, Western Sahara, Eritrea, Equatorial Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, North Korea, Liechtenstein, Lesotho, Oman, Swaziland, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Zimbabwe, & Antarctica.) I’m especially impressed by visitors for whom English is not their native tongue. I admire your dedication regardless of whether you’re a polyglot, using translation software, or just looking at the pictures. Which is why today’s painting obfuscated with an excerpt is in German. Dieses ist für sie, Deutschland, Österreich, die Schweiz, und ein bißchen Belgien!

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You may be a bit perplexed right now, but I can assure you this is actual dialogue from The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose. Stephfi the Marauderatrix speaks German. Don’t worry if you’re not a native German speaker. My book will teach you several German phrases that have minimal application to contemporary life!

Unfortunately there isn’t a full Deutsch translation in the works yet. I would be very happy if The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose were available if numerous languages in the near future. Its first run sales will probably go a long way towards foreign publishers working something out with Booktrope. So convince your international pen pals to buy a copy even if they can’t read it in its original format. It’s kind of like one of Walter Moers’s Zamonia books. Or for a non-Germanic name drop, let’s brazenly invoke Douglas Adams. I’m allowed to do this since I kept my Dad from grave-robbing him at Highgate Cemetery.

He REALLY wanted the pound on top.

He REALLY wanted the pound on top.

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