Action figures are good, but they can be better! All you have to do is become a customizer! Toys are like drugs except you need to find a place to keep them after the high wears off.
NY Toy Fair has been cancelled for 2021. In lieu of the big press show, many companies are doing smaller virtual conventions through the year. The most hyped was last week’s Hasbro Pulse Fest Fan Fest. Rather than spacing things out, Mattel, Diamond Select, & NECA decided to post similar events around the same time with less fanfare. They were all underwhelming to various degrees. I would’ve made more impulse pre-orders had Hasbro not suddenly jacked up the price of all their 6″ lines by $3. It doesn’t sound that steep on an individual basis, but it adds up when they encourage you to buy entire series of Marvel Legends to complete BAFs. With customers’ budgets already stretched thin by the terrible 2020, this feels like a precarious time to raise prices on non-essentials.
“Ach, I’m not some nouveau riche piker! I employ people to burn my money for me!”
October the Disrober is over. Now commences November the Ember. (The month is halfway over already, but this rhymes better.)
I’ve been remiss in posting new content this month. (I’ve since revised my posting schedule form weekly to semi-weekly in “About” to cover myself.) One of several unconvincing excuses is that according to WordPress, I was at 299 blog posts. One of those was just me reblogging Cain S. Latrani’s review of The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose, so I don’t count that as one I’d written. (Cain has new novels & merchandise available! Go patronize him with your funds!) As far as I’m concerned, this is my real 299th blog. I became paralyzed trying to think of worthy content not only for post #300 but also sufficient for its immediate predecessor! Curse my modicum of integrity!
I carved Swamp Thing into a pumpkin to show my disrespect for The Green! You can tell it’s not a Man-Thing fire gourd because it’s got a wishbone shape on its face instead of a distended M. Fear doesn’t burn at its touch, unlike the existential angst within. It kind of resembles The Creature from The Black Lagoon (“Gillman” if you’re nasty). I have a long history with Jack-O-Lanterns not resembling what I envisioned them as.
In the spirit of Samhain not involving vampires staked with shilleaghs, here is a grab bag of bite-sized horror TV reviews. I also rant against the entities that provided such entertainment. Boo to the trend of diverse shows being cancelled in favor of reboots & spinoffs! Netflix didn’t even release the final chunk of CAOS in time for Halloween! There may be minor spoilers for assorted shows you would’ve watched by now if you really cared.
We have no content today!
As you probably know by now, the Fall 2020 TV season isn’t really happening. Some series have begun filming again (This doesn’t seem safe given the general state of Covid Compliance Officers.), but new episodes won’t be arriving until January 2021. This puts me at a disadvantage because I typically fill out the rest of the year blogging about season premieres, series premieres, & mid-season finales.
After recapping two titanic televisual finales back-to-back, I took a longer than usual break to recharge from burnout. I finally changed the sharing call to action at the bottom of my posts so it’s no longer insensitive during this era. It took me way too long to figure out where that editing option was. A labor-intensive top secret custom has also been occupying my attention. I could’ve written something about DC Fandome but it would’ve basically just said it had some nice trailers. Now I have compiled content worth regurgitating for you!
You might think I’d already done my yearly feline blog. That was about the global phenomenon Cats. (Now that she’s become a YouTubist, will Brie Larson finally share her thoughts on it?) This is about cats. If you’ve read prior installments, you’ll know these are a mix of personal anecdotes & random cat links with minimal organization.
As of now, my prior article on Lodge 49 is the most read of 2020. (It has a leg up by being the year’s first blog.) So that’s a sign that the public demands I write more about it! What if all the TV series halting production before completing their seasons is cosmic punishment for nobody stepping up to bring back Lodge 49 after AMC’s president, Sarah Barnett, slew it despite claiming to champion art? Skedaddle past my SPOILERY Dispatches From Elsewhere critique so you can read me rant about Lynxes some more! Just kidding! I reference it a bunch in the review too.
Congratulations on surviving 2019, dear readers! I’m glad Star Wars finished last year so we can finally focus on new fictional properties. If only it had been mushed together with Cats as The Rise Of The Jellicles! 2019 was an even bigger bloodbath on television. It marked the ends of Broad City, Game of Thrones, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Deadly Class, The Gifted, Gotham, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Legion, Santa Clarita Diet, Jessica Jones, Preacher, Cloak & Dagger, & Happy! Probably some other stuff I didn’t watch died too!
Alas, 2019’s most tragic televisual casualty was Lodge 49. (Reality recently lost Gahan Wilson, Caroll Spinney, René Auberjonois, Marie Fredriksson, & Syd Mead.) If you thought the farewell of co-creator Jim Gavin would mark the end of me raving about the series (He individually thanked everyone that responded to it like a true gentleman!), you clearly haven’t been paying attention to all the new ways I’ve managed to keep writing about Gotham.
The big news is Sony revoked Spider-Man’s hyphen! Now we have to call him Spiderman as if it’s his surname! He’s not going to be in the MCU anymore either. When you’re done freaking out about that, please take a moment to also freak out about the Amazon rain forest being on fire for weeks.
I was working on a Spidey-rant too, but nobody warned me I had to have it edited so fast for it to be topical. This installment was supposed to be cat anecdotes! I blame my custom Scarlet Witch’s hex bolts! Of course the same week I mentioned Moon Knight, we got a Moon Knight TV show announcement at D23. So you can thank me for that at least. (Ms. Marvel & She-Hulk are also getting Disney+ series! So is Kamala Khan still going to be Inhuman or will she be the MCU’s first mutant? I’m both excited for a She-Hulk TV series & terrified of how easy it’d be to screw it up.)
“I do not wear the fishbowl. The fishbowl wears me!”
What I am about to tell you may shock delicate sensibilities: I find pizza to be overrated. What’s wore is that both vegetarians & omnivores have found common ground in not shutting up about how great pizza is. As someone that generally avoids the stuff, I found myself improbably intrigued by the commercials for Little Caesar’s smokehouse pizza. It reminded me of the barbacoa pizza I had at Telepizza. The problem was the nearest Little Caesar’s is over an
owl hour away.
Eventually, I did find an excuse to be in the neighborhood. Do all Little Caesar’s resemble fortified bank lobbies without tables on the inside? Due to the lack of seating & scenery, I had to drive to the nearest comic book shop & eat it in my car like some kind of criminal! (Do criminals often eat pizza in cars? I only ask because what I don’t know about crime could fit in a phone book. Meanwhile what I don’t know about cars could fit in two.) It was delicious! The three barbecued meats (brisket, bacon, & pulled pork) were savory & high quality for the price. I was forced to eat the entire thing by myself! I didn’t know Big Moe Cason was a person before, but now I have reason to implicitly trust him.
A few weeks later, I had another opportunity to pass by a Little Caesar’s. They told me they don’t make the smokehouse pizza anymore. WHAT? Not only did the commercial fail to mention this concoction was a limited time offer, it wasn’t even available for a full two months? This comes on the heels of Blimpie’s & Wendy’s not reviving their explicitly limited offer BBQ pork items. Why is it so difficult for fast food restaurants to keep pulled pork on the menu? There aren’t any chains that specialize in it, so you’d think one of these trial runs would be a grand slam.
Of course the most agonizing of limited edition edibles remains the McDonald’s shamrock shake. This year was even worse because they added an array of mint-chocolate drinks with it & didn’t haven enough STRAWs to go around. (Will they have enough Frorks for Cinco de Mayo?) McDonald’s knows there’s an insane demand for these, so why only make them available around St. Patrick’s Day? They’ve got over forty years worth of market research to show it’s popular enough to keep around. Why does McDonald’s only want my patronage in the spring? I WANT TO DRINK MINTY THINGS ALL YEAR!
Step one: Create demand for your exclusive product. Step two: Abruptly cut off this popular product’s supply. Step three: Profit?
The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is now on NetGalley! At least for a month, but remember February is short even in Leap Year. So I reckon thirty days from its posting date gives you until March 6, 2016. If you’re a book blogger, go request it now!
This blog has finally surpassed 10,000 visitors! I also found out how to slap book quotes onto inspirational photos. Behold my first attempt!
Which quotes from The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose would you like to see get this treatment next?
Hey did you hear about this Deadpool movie?