Binging Banshee Ruined Riverdale

Never Have I Ever, Dare Me, I Am Not Okay With This, & Teenage Bounty Hunters were better teen shows than Riverdale seasons 1-4. Sadly 3/4 were prematurely cancelled. Unfortunately Riverdale survived its teen years. This review is going to be even less coherent than season five itself. There’s a video essay purporting it completely gone insane, whereas I maintain it hasn’t gone insane enough. If you’ve come this far, you might as well read rambling SPOILERS for a series most already had the good sense to bail on.

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Barbara Wallace would be a perfect comics accurate Agatha Harkness too.

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Turtle Talk

Last week was legendary for the blog as I reviewed Shang-Chi & The Legend Of The Ten Rings & Legends Of Tomorrow season six back to back. I’d also written about Marvel Legends X-Men within seven days prior. Now to resume less tightly spaced blogging. This time I’ll talk about those terrible toyetic terrapins, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! So technically this ramble could’ve also been titled “Mutant Musings.” Pick up the metaphorical cheese phone of destiny by reading onward!

The Shredder

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LOT Remains Legendary In Season Six

DC’s Legends Of Tomorrow is becoming an increasingly hard series to review. My main complaint is that’s a bait & switch since it barely adapts anything from DC Comics. LOT also takes the Doctor Who approach to time travel, in that the rules vary wildly in each story. Setting that aside, it’s very entertaining. So I’m just gonna rubber stamp my approval anyway. There’s little to criticize. You should just watch it. Since I went to the bother of putting together all these words in a slightly more timely fashion than my Shang-Chi & The Legend Of The Ten Rings review (It’s a legendary week.), I’ll ask you to gander at the SPOILERS for the rest of season six below. I throw in bonus Black Adam too.

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Is Shang-Chi & The Legend Of The Ten Rings As Epic As Its Title?

Shang-Chi & The Legend Of The Ten Rings is a great title I would’ve expected of a sequel. Fred Van Lente was asked to use Shang-Chi in Wolverine: First Class so Marvel’s trademark wouldn’t lapse. Then they don’t bother using Master Of Kung Fu in his movie title. I agree that mastering kung fu isn’t the greatest selling point in a universe of superhumans though. If he’s mastered kung fu, why isn’t Shang-Chi’s supranym Kung-Fu-Mmaster? (DC has Judomaster.) The Wages Of Cinema will now SPOIL what happens beyond the title while its newer trailers spoil the climax to a crazy degree! Is Shang-Chi your guy when The Ten Rings are nigh? (If you’re not ready for that, might I interest you in some X-Men rants?)

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Does Superman & Lois Hammer The Beeboverse Into Shape?

As I promised, I survived seeingĀ  The Suicide Squad a second time on HBO Max. (Where can I see a clean version of the new poster with Task Force X taking a group nap?) It’s still a grisly good time!

Now it’s time for the first season finale review of Superman & Lois, which aired on Lois lane’s birthday. How dare they preempt it again for baseball! The damn Yankees are history’s greatest criminals for preventing me from publishing this post promptly! This has SPOILERS for the episodes I’ve not blogged about since the second. (Eventually I’ll blog about the rest of Supergirl season six too.)

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On Bizarro World, motel walls are made of cinder-blocks.

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The Suicide Squad Is To Die For!

I’m back with the SPOILER Squad otherwise known as The Wages Of Cinema to take on The Suicide Squad! (Thanks to its earlier UK release, I had to dodge spoilers for a week so I didn’t accidentally discover whether King Shark is a shark.) Warner Brothers wanted Suicide Squad to be its Guardians Of The Galaxy. (It wasn’t.) So for the sequel, they got James Gunn to write & direct. That’s a huge upgrade from David Ayer. (I’m curious how the version co-written by Todd Stashwick would’ve compared.) It’s also much wiser to get a Marvel writer-director in on the ground floor than bringing one in mid-stream as a replacement. TSS follows Wolverine’s lead by adding “The” to the title rather than a number or creative subtitle. Much like TMNT:OOTS, you’re not required to have seen the first installment to enjoy the sequel. This one’s already got a leg up in containing no Jared Leto Joker!

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What’s The Sensation Of Masters Of The Universe Revelation?

I wasn’t sure if I was going to watch Masters Of The Universe Revelation since I’m only a filthy casual fan. (If I sound too knowledgeable about the franchise, it’s because I picked up a lot from cultural osmosis in addition to having the ability to research.) I had some free time after finishing the superlative second season of Never Have I Ever (Netflix better not axe it like it did my other favorite shows!), so I gave it a shot. Unlike big stretches of The Flash’s seventh season, I do not regret it. It’s getting an overabundance of negative buzz, so I’m belatedly SPOILING why it’s actually good so far. (Netflix annoyingly cleft it in twain like seasons two & three of She-Ra.)

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Is The Flash Running On Fumes?

No blondes allowed in STAR Labs! Seven is the shortest ever season of The F-Lash, especially when you consider the first three episodes were supposed to be in season six. It’s a widely held theory that The Flash could reach the heights of its early years again if it didn’t have so many episodes per season. It turns out this is only true if the scripts selected to be produced are of its best quality to begin with. I should’ve seen this coming when none of them were titled “The Groddfather.” (I overpaid for the new Gorilla Grodd toy because his force of mind compelled me.) SPOILERS from when the conjoined seasons diverged!

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Is Loki Too Low Key?

Disney caught up to comics in killing death. Here be SPOILERS for Disney+’s Loki series, the direct sequel to this Hydundai commercial. (I thought Marvel Studios shilled for Audi?) This is not a trick. Oddly I don’t have too much to say about it? (Don’t get your hopes up about it being short though.) So stay for the mini-rants about alternate timelines vs. alternate realities & identity changes in adaptations!

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Black Widow’s Belated Big Screen Bonanza

Bozhe moi! Marvel movies are finally back on the big screen! (Is The New Mutants a joke to you?) In Soviet Russia, The Wages of Cinema collaboreview listens to you! Now that you’ve seen Guardians, we can finally move onto Black Widow. It’s got some Red Sparrow, Hanna, Anna, & Atomic Blonde mixed in too. If Marvel had prioritized getting Natasha a solo flick when interest in her was at its apex, it could’ve beaten all those movies to the punch. There was even supposed to be a Black Widow movie before the MCU! After the podcast is a web of intrigue SPOILERS!

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