Black Lightning Remains Better Than Riverdale

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk on Barbara Minerva! Much like “Blue Monday,” her entrance theme inexplicably wound up on the cutting room floor. If WW84 was made as an excuse to increase the amount of Kristen Wiig merchandise, many licensees are not upholding their ends of the conspiracy. Keep a weather eye out for a companion piece on Doctor Domino.

Now we must venture back into SPOILER territory for the final season premiere of Black Lightning & a few episodes of Riverdale that would’ve been more momentous had the pandemic not shortened last season. As if that wasn’t enough, I have a tangible reason to hate Disney monopolization at the end.

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Riverdale Returns, But We Still Need To Save Swamp Thing!

When we last left Riverdale, nothing had been resolved! Its fifth season premiere doesn’t feel like one because it wasn’t intended be a season premiere. Last season was cut short by three episodes. This was titled “Climax,” but it doesn’t feel like one either. I wouldn’t even be writing this episode up by its lonesome if it weren’t blog tradition to use its popularity to bring attention to a better prematurely cancelled series. It hasn’t worked for Lodge 49 yet, but  I’m giving it another go nonetheless. Am I going to need to come back in a fortnight to recap what would’ve been the fourth season finale & then do what would’ve been season five’s premiere the week after? Let me know! SPOILERS for a soap opera that continues to make no damn sense but has much better production values than the daytime variety!

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CAOS Part 4 Is A Hellish Snore

WW84 was a Christmas present that filled me with ambivalence. Meanwhile The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina Part 4 should’ve been out for Halloween! Here be SPOILERS for a final season that’s sinfully dull. It’s not a rousing way to ring in 2021. Maybe releasing it on New Year’s Eve 2020 was a fitting summation for the year? Why’d I even bother using the “horror” tag? Luckily I can throw in some recommendations for better witchcraft cartoons at the end.

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“But how do we ensure nobody likes Sabrina anymore?” CAOS writers’ room

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Because I’m Addicted To Batwoman Ideas…

Katy Keene is kaput. (Although a vampire show written by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa on ABC would’ve been terrible, I’m more upset by The Brides not getting picked up because it deprives Gina Torres & Erin Richards of showing off their fangs.) They should’ve made Josie & The Pussycats (In Outer Space) with Keene as their supporting stylist instead! At least it won’t be confusing with the CW simultaneously airing series starring Katy Keene & Kate Kane anymore… Oh yeah, this article is about me overthinking exactly how Batwoman season two is doomed.

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Season Four Of Riverdale Runs Out

I haven’t ranted about Riverdale since last year when I was more concerned with mourning Lodge 49. (The latter is also what I did last week.) I guess the time is ripe now that it’s fourth “season finale” aired. Below are SPOILERS, but are they really spoilers if they still don’t add up in context? Lots of audacious stuff happened, but I don’t want to give the impression that this makes it inherently good. If you want the guano mad CW show that’s surprisingly masterful, you’re looking for Legends of Tomorrow! Why can’t Riverdale be more like Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated? (Do not suggest Nancy Drew, as The CW’s iteration would be a mediocre detective without the novel addition of legitimutant ghosts.) Imagine if it was a cuckoo bananas as the Archie Comics instead of a dour murderfest!

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Sabrina Part 3 Is A Chaotic Muddle

The previous installment debuted my custom of The Demon’s Head, whereas this one will feature legitimutant demons. This is the first time there’s been a break in production betwixt CAOS parts, so arguable Part 3 is really season two. It’s eight episodes with a Part 4 boasting another eight already greenlit. So Part 3 & 4 were most likely one full season split in half again. Assorted non-chronological SPOILERS will chill your marrow to the very brink of sanity! I put way more thought into the supernatural worldbuilding than its writers did!

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“Allons-y!”

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Riverdale Returns, But Long Live Lodge 49!

I finally saw the last season of Game of Thrones. Selfishly I hoped I might be the weirdo who genuinely enjoyed it. It was as terrible as everyone said. I tried to be as unspoiled as possible, but it was an uphill battle.  I expected disappointment & was still aghast at how hard they dropped the ball. It was dreadful, with high production values & attachment to the cast being the meager saving graces. Has its reception further derailed Martin’s momentum for finishing the novels?

I could go into further detail, but it seems like there’s already a surplus of GOT think pieces. Forgoing an extended cold take, let us turn to Riverdale season four instead as it is moderately fresher. If you’d prefer to hear more of televisual travesties, however, I will be lamenting Lodge 49. (Orlando Jones being fired from American Gods is also disgraceful, but I haven’t even begun season two yet.) I’m gonna be real unpleasant to be around for the immediate future, but you should read onward notheless. EMBRACE THE ZUGZWANG, BABY!

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Riverdale Makes Less Sense Than The Flash?

Now that Agents of SHIELD has returned (“Synergy SNAFU Stymies SHIELD’s Sixth Season!” is the headline I should’ve used) to ABC, the CW’s comic book series are departing! I’m splitting up the SPOILERY season finale reviews this year! First up are The Flash & Riverdale! I haven’t truly blogged about the latter since its season premiere, so there’s plenty to cover & it still won’t make a lick o’ sense!

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Sabrina Spellman Sidesteps Satanic Sophomore Slump?

After last week’s somewhat less horrific magic of Captain Marvel: DC Edition SHAZAM!, I’m overviewing The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina season two! This is being touted as “Part 2” since it was filmed back to back with the first.  Since most network shows are in the twenty episode range & take time off for the winter holidays, it’s arguable that it is still season one. So this headline might be premature! (Is the next group going to be called “CAOS Part 3″ or “CAOS Season 2 Part 1?”) As this batch is nine episodes to the first part’s ten, it feels appropriate to review the “bonus” holiday episode here too. Trigger warning for moral relativism in comparative religion & SPOILERS!

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Sabrina Spellman is Satan’s perfect match?

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The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina Will Bewitch You

Netflix finally unleashed The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina upon the mortal realm! (Castlevania season two is also streaming, although I’m still not clear why it’s packaged in separate episodes rather than an animated movie.) I’m going to do a SPOILER review of the whole spooky season below!

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Sabrina Spellman’s Super Satanic Samhain Sixteen!

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