The Sandman & Cheryl Blossom Summer Special!

This week’s topic is The Sandman’s surprise episode & Cheryl Blossom in Riverdale season six. Why? Because there’s no overlap, that’s why! I was so preoccupied with whether or not I could, I didn’t stop to think if I should combine them! I’ve gone mad with limited power! Since virtually nobody else will be writing up the particular combo, it saves me the trouble of writing a less basic headline too. SPOILERS ahead for the combo you never knew you needed!

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Season Six is Riverdale’s Magic Number!

Sayonara, San Diego! A new age of wonderment is upon us! Riverdale is now all aboard the cuckoo bananas supernatural train! This formerly listless show finally got onto some rails. They may be rails of coke but rails nonetheless. Huzzah for season 6(66)! Sometimes I think the cast deserves hazard pay for reciting their dialogue. The cruel premature cancellation of Legends Of Tomorrow inflicted so much psychic trauma upon me that Riverdale now fills me with excitement rather than ennui. (I’m a very disturbed individual.) Shun the nonbelievers that claim season six jumped the shark! Verily Riverdale finally blossomed into its ideal self. I’m extra mad at seasons four & five sucking so badly that they made viewers quit before this legitimutantly good season.

It’s kind of genius that all the mundane context for these characters was laid out well in advance of the spooky stuff. It’d have to vie for attention if it were horror from the outset. The supernatural storylines feel better less nonsensical than the supposedly realistic ones of seasons past. (I got “Twin Babies Levitating Over a Fire as Part of a Cult Ritual Led by Chad Michael Murray” in the “What Riverdale Subplot Are You?” quiz!) They’re better foreshadowed than the gobbledygook The Flash has been spewing lately too. Now that it’s genuinely supernatural, the kooky character motivations & loopy internal logic actually make more sense. Strap in cause I’ve got fifteen more episodes full of weird mysteries to synopsize. If you bailed earlier, you won’t believe the following are real SPOILERS & not me slowly dying from a gas leak!

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You may also substitute another favorite prematurely cancelled show of your choice. There’s no shortage.

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Riverdale Is Unbelievable?

Riverdale has the cast Peacemaker most wants to frame for murder. Not only do I have the supernatural SPOILERS for its newest installment, I’ve also got a great Shazam 2 scoop! This blog is tardy because The CW punished me for prioritizing Killing Eve by not putting the latest Riverdale online until dawn.

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Just like Shazam, Archie Andrews is no Matter-Eater Lad.

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The Flash Brings Armageddon To Rivervale!

I finally got my obligatory annual cat post out of the way. (Now they tell me the cat blogging tips?) That oughta keep the Meow Mafia off my lap for a little while. Now here’s SPOILERS for how the last four installments of “The Flash: Armageddon” & “Rivervale” transpired plus a bit of bonus Beebo & ZEP!

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Thanksgiving For Masters Of The Universe Revelation

The season premieres of Riverdale & The Flash were actually good! I’m pretty sure they will once again be incomprehensible messes by the time they get to their season finales, but I’m hoping they’ll at least stick the landings on their five part events. If there are no tribute videos of Rivervale’s Cheryl Blossom set to the music of the original The Wicker Man by week’s end, then what even is the point of YouTube?

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Now it’s toon time again! Lots of fans despised the first half of Masters Of The Universe Revelation. I enjoyed it, but I don’t consider myself a die-hard MOTU fan. (Hence it doesn’t get its own tag.) Netflix should’ve released the whole series at once so at least viewers would’ve had the full story to judge. Cleaving it was to no one’s benefit. After fans complained the trailer for part one mislead them into thinking there’d be plenty of He-Man, Netflix overcompensated by spoiling everything in the trailer for part two. (They didn’t release promo stills though.) So if you’ve seen that, do you even need the SPOILER warning for my review? Yes, since this is an Evil-Lyn stan account!

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She killed Batros to get this hat, but in retrospect she could’ve just wished for it.

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She-Hulk Teases Armageddon For The Flash & Rivervale!

The Flash & Riverdale have returned for five part crossover events as the prologues to the rest of their seasons resuming in March! Which will be least comprehensible this season? Meanwhile Disney+ just teased a bunch of Marvel series by making the trailers unavailable to viewers until they signed up for the service. (“You have to pay to see our commercials!” is next level advertising evil.)  Despite making an effort to promptly review Supergirl’s final season & Doom Patrol season three, all people wanted to read about this weekend (by a gargantuan margin) was my year-old She-Hulk blog. So I’ll over analyze thirty seconds of footage seen for hers & Ms. Marvel’s forthcoming series. This is another instance of me having to use almost all my tags in a single blog! There’s also going to abundant SPOILERS!

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Binging Banshee Ruined Riverdale

Never Have I Ever, Dare Me, I Am Not Okay With This, & Teenage Bounty Hunters were better teen shows than Riverdale seasons 1-4. Sadly 3/4 were prematurely cancelled. Unfortunately Riverdale survived its teen years. This review is going to be even less coherent than season five itself. There’s a video essay purporting it completely gone insane, whereas I maintain it hasn’t gone insane enough. If you’ve come this far, you might as well read rambling SPOILERS for a series most already had the good sense to bail on.

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Barbara Wallace would be a perfect comics accurate Agatha Harkness too.

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Black Lightning Remains Better Than Riverdale

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk on Barbara Minerva! Much like “Blue Monday,” her entrance theme inexplicably wound up on the cutting room floor. If WW84 was made as an excuse to increase the amount of Kristen Wiig merchandise, many licensees are not upholding their ends of the conspiracy. Keep a weather eye out for a companion piece on Doctor Domino.

Now we must venture back into SPOILER territory for the final season premiere of Black Lightning & a few episodes of Riverdale that would’ve been more momentous had the pandemic not shortened last season. As if that wasn’t enough, I have a tangible reason to hate Disney monopolization at the end.

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Riverdale Returns, But We Still Need To Save Swamp Thing!

When we last left Riverdale, nothing had been resolved! Its fifth season premiere doesn’t feel like one because it wasn’t intended be a season premiere. Last season was cut short by three episodes. This was titled “Climax,” but it doesn’t feel like one either. I wouldn’t even be writing this episode up by its lonesome if it weren’t blog tradition to use its popularity to bring attention to a better prematurely cancelled series. It hasn’t worked for Lodge 49 yet, but  I’m giving it another go nonetheless. Am I going to need to come back in a fortnight to recap what would’ve been the fourth season finale & then do what would’ve been season five’s premiere the week after? Let me know! SPOILERS for a soap opera that continues to make no damn sense but has much better production values than the daytime variety!

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CAOS Part 4 Is A Hellish Snore

WW84 was a Christmas present that filled me with ambivalence. Meanwhile The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina Part 4 should’ve been out for Halloween! Here be SPOILERS for a final season that’s sinfully dull. It’s not a rousing way to ring in 2021. Maybe releasing it on New Year’s Eve 2020 was a fitting summation for the year? Why’d I even bother using the “horror” tag? Luckily I can throw in some recommendations for better witchcraft cartoons at the end.

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“But how do we ensure nobody likes Sabrina anymore?” CAOS writers’ room

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