I’ve got a backlog of writing that’s more esoteric than my usual rants. Since my neophyte blogging days, however, I’ve learned it’s better for site traffic to prioritize blogs that are newsworthy in the moment. (Even being well timed, however, isn’t a guarantee they’ll be popular upon posting.) Then when there isn’t anything trendy happening in a given week, I get confused over which ramble is most worth editing into something readable.
That was going to be the case last week, but then I heard D23 was happening. So after postponing to see if anything earthshaking was revealed, it was more of a
Loki lowkey affair aside from a Werewolf By Night trailer & Thunderbolts roster. So then I opted not to rush to publish my thoughts. Instead this is mostly rambling Marvel Cinematic Universe cold takes. I held back some stuff that’d be germane to She-Hulk: Attorney At Law & Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. In addition to general MCU & adjacent Spider-Man, I’ll start off with hypothetical X-Men. Belated Marvel Comics rants will be a future blog.
It’s cat bloggin’ time! Recently I celebrated my cat’s tenth birthday. (I waited until after to write this headline & introduction so as not to jinx it with tragedy.) I don’t know if it’s her real birthday, but it’s the one I assigned her in lieu of a birth certificate. It’s also not her tenth anniversary of being the feline in residence. (Until her family pays her ransom, this cat will continue to be my hostage.) Rather than continuously refer to her generically, I will reveal her first name starts with D. This will maintain a level of privacy for her & prevent me from having to commit to one spelling online. Happy decade to the D-Cat!
Unlike the inflatable birthday hat fiasco, this year I went out of my way to purchase her Yeoww! catnip toys from Pet Goods she actually appreciates. The path of least resistance works to placate pussycats! Hopefully they’ll make some catnip fish in new colors because I believe she now has the complete set. She’s quite fond of nip-pineapple. I was able to get plenty of photos of her playing with her new toys, but the lighting wasn’t ideal. So here’s some of her wielding hammers instead!
“These tools are mine now. I am become a hammerist.”
After a two year absence, San Diego Comic Con returned in collective figurative person to San Diego! As a germaphobe on a limited budget, I did not partake of the festivities directly. I enjoyed the virtual panels that I used to be able to stream at home, but they’ve been discontinued. While I couldn’t observe the Gremlins: Secrets Of The Mogwai panel, I’m relived Tze Chun meeting Greta went great. Despite what crazy people on The Twitter insisted, neither Henry Cavill nor Elizabeth Olsen showed up! The amount of Everything Everywhere All At Once cosplay I saw secondhand pleased me.
I was planning on doing one of my non-review blogs after Thor Part IV & Ms. Marvel’s inaugural season, but a heatwave of the non-Mick Rory variety struck. I can work when it’s too hot or too cold. I need a temperature-regulating gimp suit like Scorpius. Then I got hung up obsessing over SDCC tidbits from another timezone. So I realized nobody would bother reading a non-SDCC article from me. I doubt anyone even wants to read an SDCC retrospective from me, but sometimes you have to write a low stakes blog to remind visitors there’ll be better blogs soon. If you share my incredibly narrow interests, this armchair SDCC coverage is the overview for you! It goes action figures, Marvel, & DC. As usual, no actual comic book news will be involved!
“Are you here for Dom-Con too?” “No, we’re looking for the American Library Association conference.”
If you wanted a very verbose blog about customizing Lashina & her use within DC Comics, you’ve come to the right place! If not, just look at the pictures. Either way it gives you more fake nerd cred than reading a Thor 4 trailer reaction. The real nerd cred, however, comes from supporting #renewLegendsOfTomorrow until The CW bends to our will! The bastards just cancelled Legends Of Tomorrow the same day we lost Neal Adams & Batwoman? GRODD DAMN THEM! Now back #saveLegendsOfTomorrow & petition HBO Max to give it a proper wrap-up!
Post-Apocalyptic jump rope has a dress code.
Hot on the heels of Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse & No Way Home yet before Doctor Strange In The Multiverse Of Madness & oft delayed The Flash, Michelle Yeoh stars in her own multiversal movie! I did not expect this concept to be the basis for so many blockbusters. I guess we have Blind Chance, Sliding Doors, Run Lola Run, & The One to thank for all this. It’s madness hers didn’t kick off with a wide release. The Wages Of Cinema will fill you in on SPOILERS for Everything Everywhere All At Once! As its title promises, there’s so much going on here that even we can’t cover them all in a reasonably sized podcast & blog combo. I doubt these can ruin the experience of actually observing this masterpiece, but you may want to do that first just to be on the safe side. You can look at my repainted Scare Glow while you’re waiting for it to open near you. Reject Morbius mania & embrace Everything Everywhere All At Once!
Another custom of an underrated supervillain? What a twist! Who is Spider-Man’s greatest adversary, & why is it Shocker? Seriously, I would like you to explain this to me in the comments section.
“I AM THE ONE WHO SHOCKS.”
I once wrote a listicle of worst dressed movie supervillains that concluded throwing a trenchcoat over a weak design doesn’t help. When Helmut Zemo finally got a costume in The Falcon & The Winter Soldier along with his barony, it was basically a trenchcoat over a weak design. I must be the biggest hypocrite of all since his was the only action figure I purchased out of the first Disney+ Marvel Legends wave. I’m just a sucker for a superb Daniel Brühl likeness.
“If you think I’m pretty,…”
The making of the second third Spider-Man movie seemed more chaotic than usual. There’s been so many leaks about this movie before press screenings even happened. Neither they nor the trailers have gotten me enthused about seeing this. Why do we need this when Into The Spider-Verse already exists? (Across The Spider-Verse looks keen! Is Hailee Steinfeld getting typecast?)
“Mom, we want Spider-Man: No Way Home!”
“We already have Spider-Man at home.”
No Way Home at home is Into The Spider-Verse. There is much rejoicing.
One downside to superhero movies finally catching on with the public is that The ‘Net is determined to spoil anything that may bring firsthand joy. Legions of Spider-Fans have been extra rabid about this one. So The Wages Of Cinema SPOILS this movie for you to perpetuate the web of abuse.
Unlike Uatu, I have vowed to interfere with your viewing enjoyment of assorted Marvel adaptations! Disney’s first official MCU cartoon, “What If…?”, is simultaneously canon & irrelevant to the MCU because of they’ve officially admitted there’s a multiverse. Every Marvel adaptation is now retroactively part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, completionists!
The series premiere is the most boring, yet I spent the most words discussing it. It acclimates viewers to the concept as subsequent episodes become more experimental. It doesn’t do anything as provocative as Steve Rogers professing blind patriotism is bad. These brisk episodes expect you to conversant with the MCU, which shouldn’t be an issue if you’re streaming on Disney+. “What if … Phil Coulson lived?” is available to stream now too. Some of the minutia has been fudged in these altverses, but it’s not like the movieverse continuity is airtight. At times like those it makes me wish the series wasn’t beholden to the MCU at all. What if … you read below for SPOLIERS for the speculative fiction that Uatu & I watched? What if … this phrase wasn’t at all overused in this post?
People are freaking out about the trailer for the second third Spider-Man like it’s the second coming of The Snyder Cut. I’m not enthused by No Way Home, but I’ll write about it since that’s what the rabid public wants. By the time I publish this they’ll have moved on to something else. (I’ll be chagrined if it still gets more views than the Superman & Lois season one wrap-up.) Unlike reputable news outlets, punctuality is our #1 dream. That’s okay because I really wanted to talk more about The Suicide Squad. The new memes I’ve made since will surely be stale now too. SPOILERS for that underperforming movie leaving HBO Max soon & a trailer that you’ve probably had shoved in your face even if tried dodging it below! At least this one’s short.