The Gifted’s Second Season Baby Boom!

The GIF Ted has returned! This time Inhumans isn’t back to make it look a zillion times better in comparison. (Marvel may be overcompensating for that failure with the Death of the Inhumans miniseries.) The Gifted season 2 moves to Tuesday at 8, which is The Flash’s time slot. Not cool, Fox! This is as bad as Supergirl & Doctor Who competing against each other. Anyway, SPOILERS for “eMergence” emerge below! This season they’re doing M-titles because they ran out of X-words.

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Valerie Vale & Silver St. Cloud in the house!

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What Do You Want On Your Tombstone?

I really didn’t intend for this blog to have a pizza through-line. (Unlike that time I bemoaned the world being prematurely deprived of Little Caesar’s smokehouse pizza.)  My customized Tombstone was waiting for the next open week, & then A24 suddenly released Slice on streaming platforms after just one day of screenings so it can qualify for Academy Awards. This gave me an excuse to write about TMNT again. Then the trailer for Captain Marvel finally dropped, but it fits too since you can get pizza made with brie. It’s kind of serendipitous.

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SDCC Struck Again!

San Diego Comic Con 2018 just happened. (As expected, nobody cared about “Fiction & Felines!” while it was occurring.) I have opinions. Armchair coverage & the possible spoilers associated therewith happen below.

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The biggest news out of this year’s SDCC is … Cutthroat Island is finally getting toys!  Thanks to Blitzway, you can own a Hot Toys-style replica from the film that sunk pirate movies until until Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl surprised everyone! Congratulations, Geena Davis!

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Wonder Woman, Squirrel Girl, & Doctor Who Team-Up!

A Wonder Woman, Squirrel Girl, & The Doctor team-up … is not something that is happening. Sorry! If I had my druthers, it would’ve happened already. Their joint powers & can-do attitudes would need to be pitted against a combined mega-obstacle just to be sporting! Okay, maybe that team-up would be too successful at solving all the multiverse’s problems for any successive fiction to matter.  But now that Spider-Man: Homecoming is out of the way, we can finally resume talking about these lovely ladies!

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Sara Lance & The Raiders Of The Legendary Spear!

Legends of Tomorrow is the most improved DC TV show, but I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say it’s the best. It’s still too inconsistent. But when it’s fun, like the last few season two episodes I’m about to SPOIL, it’s very fun!

After being naively sporting with the fate of reality at stake, I really appreciated the Legends taking the initiative to steal the rest of the Holy Lance Spear of Destiny from the misnomered Legion of Doom’s lair. Firestorm transmuting its obelisk safe into jellybeans was keen! Too bad Reverse-Flash didn’t do a full table flip!

When it was revealed that Christ’s blood could nullify its powers, the show got very close to breaking the fourth wall. Sara Lance: “So we can just go back to the Crucifixion to end this threat to all reality with some fresh Jesus blood?” Rip Hunter: “Wow, the writers didn’t think this Biblical plot device through. We absolutely cannot go back to an established historical event to depower this touched relic lickety-split! Can you imagine how many angry letters we’d get? We’re already borderline sacrilegious enough as it is!”

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“My new codename will take you to the bank , Mr. Thawne. To THE BLOOD BANK!”

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Resident Evil Has Finally Left The Building

Fifteen years later, the Resident Evil film series is finally ending with Resident Evil: The Final Chapter! I’m unduly excited by this momentous event! If you’d prefer to experience it completely unspoiled, scroll past to get to my third in a series of pre-Toy Fair wish lists. Yep, two things that nobody else has been eager for in one big package!

I unilaterally admitted the first Resident Evil to the ranks of the Good Video Game Films along with the original Mortal Kombat & Silent Hill. Rather than attempting a direct adaptation of Capcom’s BioHazard games, it was intended to be a side story running parallel with a unique protagonist, Alice. As sequels progressed, however, more key characters from the game franchise were imported over even though she was an amalgam of their traits. Smushed between Alice & several less memorable new redshirts, the canon ones didn’t have much room to develop. (Claire Redfield & Albert Wesker are the only canon characters in this as Wesker conveniently killed the rest off-screen in ravaged Washington, D.C.) For hardcore fans of the games, watching these movies must be like watching X-Men films are for me.

A key reason why Milla Jovovich’s career revolves around her playing an action heroine is that she’s damn good at it! (I still think she would be more credible as Black Widow than ScarJo.) Unlike Underworld’s stoic Selene, her Alice is allowed a broader range of emotions & vulnerabilities. Her former superpowers have been diminished to standard action movie protagonist levels, but it’s still utterly believable she can wreck anyone. In the the annoying instances when she does have trouble in a fight, I wasn’t sure if the movie didn’t make her foes seem formidable or whether she was just fatigued by all the previous ass-kickings she (& her stunt doubles) handed out. My favorite scene is when Alice (bearing a striking resemblance to Metal Gear Solid’s Meryl Silverberg) gets strung upside-down & still defeats a squad of Umbrella Corp goons.

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Originally slated for 2016, Sony delayed its release until after Inauguration Day.

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2016’s Final Casualty Will Be Itself

Welcome to the first blog after our one hundredth! It’s also the last I’ll be writing this year. We’re almost out of 2016! At first I thought people were overreacting about how bad 2016 was, but the year wore me down too. Even my first publisher went belly up. This is specifically not a retrospective post, however, because the year hasn’t finished yet.

To the future we must point our gaze! The big question is now whether 2016 will be slain by the greenery of 2017 or will this year snuff itself out?  Good riddance to 2016! Welcome, 2017!* Now I’ll use the metaphor of annual death & rebirth to segue into an iZombie & X-Men mashup that loses its mirth if you analyze it within the bounds of either fandom.

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Both Anna Paquin & Rose McIver were in The Piano!

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