“What If … Disney Made An MCU Cartoon?”

Unlike Uatu, I have vowed to interfere with your viewing enjoyment of assorted Marvel adaptations! Disney’s first official MCU cartoon, “What If…?”, is simultaneously canon & irrelevant to the MCU because of they’ve officially admitted there’s a multiverse. Every Marvel adaptation is now retroactively part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, completionists!

The series premiere is the most boring, yet I spent the most words discussing it. It acclimates viewers to the concept as subsequent episodes become more experimental. It doesn’t do anything as provocative as Steve Rogers professing blind patriotism is bad. These brisk episodes expect you to conversant with the MCU, which shouldn’t be an issue if you’re streaming on Disney+. “What if … Phil Coulson lived?” is available to stream now too. Some of the minute has been fudged in these altverses, but it’s not like the movieverse continuity is airtight. At times like those it makes me wish the series wasn’t beholden to the MCU at all. What if … you read below for SPOLIERS for the speculative fiction that Uatu & I watched? What if … this phrase wasn’t at all overused in this post?

Peggy is short for Margaret because is rhymes with Meggy?

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Polaris Is The Most Gifted Custom?

Whilst watching The Gifted, it occurred to me that its Polaris could be customized from a Marvel Legends Jessica Jones. Shortly thereafter, I saw someone had used this recipe. Not being the first person to execute it dampened my zeal to make one. When I decided to try my own, I found the price of loose Jessicas had skyrocketed since I acquired mine. Then I saw a bootleg custom The Gifted Polaris on eBay. I don’t normally go in for these gray market pieces, but this one included a superb Emma Dumont likeness I’d not seen in this scale. (Perhaps it was hydroshrunk from one of an unlicensed 1/6 scale Polaris, of which there are a few varieties?) My winning bid ended up being only slightly more than an official Marvel Legends figure. It was supposed to be delivered within the broad range of June 10 – August 4. A China Post tracking number was created on May 21 when I ordered it & then nothing. As 2020 was an exhausting string of calamities, I decided to wait patiently for it & save my anxiety for other matters. The day before its last possible delivery date, I leaned “this user is no longer registered on eBay” from my purchase history. The other listings for this product from assorted sellers disappeared too. That’s the karmic thanks I get for trying to be a good citizen of the ‘Net & alerting other fans to its existence.

Dare I trust AliExpress? Its price was double the refund I received from eBay. (A version with Lorna’s head on Elektra’s body was moderately cheaper.) I decided to go for it while they were still in stock rather than miss out & pay triple later. (It doesn’t appear to be available there anymore either, so I did something astute for a change.) I shaved a few bucks off via a coupon from a friend, Kinou Menthe, who was already a customer. I had to specially authorize my credit card to make this payment. The downloadable invoice PDF did not reflect the coupon, which panicked me greatly. It arrived three weeks later, which is quite reasonable considering I ordered it amidst a pandemic. Then I panicked that the reason it had such a good likeness with a professional paint job is that it was stolen from Hasbro’s secret production line & an official version at a more reasonable price would soon be unveiled now that Fox X-Men are back on the table. Thus far one hasn’t materialized (he wrote as as he rushed to publish this before the inaugural Marvel Fan First Friday of 2021).

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If Lorna Dane gets an advanced degree she could also be Dr. Polaris.

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It’s The Most Marvelous Time Of The Year!

After last week’s commissioned deep dive into Stormfront the proverbial milkshake duck, I figured it’s time to clear out some of the Marvel content cluttering my drafts. I won’t be finished editing my X Of Swords review until nobody cares, so this is light on X-Men content. It does have a surfeit of pre-Christmas action figure photos if that’s your bag. (I will regret this if Santa only delivers coal this year.) After the MCU news musings not involving She-Hulk, my comic book thoughts are separated by superfluous tildes!

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“Now I have The Phoenix Force! Ho ho ho!”

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Agents Of SHIELD’s Final Return In Time For DC News!

Now that The Flash, Batwoman, & Supergirl have ended for the year, it’s time for Agents of SHIELD to return for its last hurrah! (The She-Ra & The Princesses Of Power reboot also ended for good recently.) My fave character is Shieldo! While Marvel often releases big news right when DC does something, this time the shoe is on the other foot! More on that after the time travel SPOILERS!

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Squirrel Girl’s Unbeatable Swansong!

I finished the final The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl collection & am emotionally compromised. 2020 already seems like it could use as much Squirrel Girl as possible. (It could certainly use a Squirrel Girl/ TMNT crossover to redeem it, but Marvel doesn’t do inter-publisher crossovers anymore.) Counting the graphic novel, Squirrel Girl Beats Up The Marvel Universe!, it reached an auspicious thirteen volumes. TUSG is one of those titles where it’s silly for me to encapsulate why it’s great for you. You should experience it for yourself because it eats nuts & kicks butts! I’m going to give it one last go anyway. If you want to steer clear of SPOILERS, skip ahead to where I review her long awaited Marvel Legends action figure.

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Imagine how strong you’d have to be to heft two squirrels at once!

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SDCC Turned Fifty?

HUZAH! It’s the fiftieth anniversary of San Diego Comic Convention! I didn’t attend, thanks for asking. (I took last week off anyway after reviewing Stranger Things 3.) Did you? Here is my armchair event coverage (loosely arranged by DC, Marvel, & miscellaneous mess) that’s rapidly losing topicality! Wait, shouldn’t it be celebrating it golden anniversary next year?

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Batman Vs. TMNT Begins My Miscellany

After a long streak, we’ve once again arrived at a blog about nothing. (Mostly since I’ve not seen Toy Story 4 yet. Legion’s last season started, but I don’t have much substantial to say about it yet.) These entries bring me back to the early scattershot days of the blog. They’re a double edged sword. They’re a nice break from feeling compelled to review something while it’s brand new & relevant, like Jessica Jones Gazebo Flipper season three no longer is. I get to unload some of backlog of musings that weren’t even tangentially relevant to previous topics at hand. On the other paw, I wonder if these will attract enough views to be worth publishing in the first place. At the end of the year, I’ll sorrowfully look back on these articles’ statistics & wonder how to make them as comparatively successful as their kin. (Make the titles more clickbaity!) Figuring out whether disparate elements should float independently or get agglomerated into semi-coherent paragraphs is another quandary. Of course once you let one tangent in, they multiply like a plague of Tribbles. Then I might as well use all the tags. This one’s got random tidbits on Batman Vs. TMNT, The 100, Agents of SHIELD, The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl, & more!

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The Gifted’s Second Season Baby Boom!

The GIF Ted has returned! This time Inhumans isn’t back to make it look a zillion times better in comparison. (Marvel may be overcompensating for that failure with the Death of the Inhumans miniseries.) The Gifted season 2 moves to Tuesday at 8, which is The Flash’s time slot. Not cool, Fox! This is as bad as Supergirl & Doctor Who competing against each other. Anyway, SPOILERS for “eMergence” emerge below! This season they’re doing M-titles because they ran out of X-words.

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Valerie Vale & Silver St. Cloud in the house!

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What Do You Want On Your Tombstone?

I really didn’t intend for this blog to have a pizza through-line. (Unlike that time I bemoaned the world being prematurely deprived of Little Caesar’s smokehouse pizza.)  My customized Tombstone was waiting for the next open week, & then A24 suddenly released Slice on streaming platforms after just one day of screenings so it can qualify for Academy Awards. This gave me an excuse to write about TMNT again. Then the trailer for Captain Marvel finally dropped, but it fits too since you can get pizza made with brie. It’s kind of serendipitous.

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