December dawns with the demise of Daredevil! Hot on the heels of the cancellations of Luke Cage & Iron Fist, Netflix destroyed the writers’ room’s dreams of a fourth season. Now I’m extra mad Bullseye didn’t have his own costume & Stilt-Man’s foreshadowing never came to fruition! (Tumblr is probably dying of self-inflicted wounds too, which reassures me that being too lazy to make a Tumblr was a wise move.) So Jessica Jones season three & Punisher season two look to be the end of the line for this hallway-battling venture, unless Netflix mercifully greenlights another season of The Defenders to tie up all the loose ends. Let’s belabor this point whilst awaiting coming attractions for the next Avengers! At least Captain Marvel marketing is punctual.
You’re quackers if you haven’t been watching the new DuckTales! It premiered around my kitty’s fifth birthday, & she just celebrated her sixth. It shouldn’t take a year to air twenty-four episodes! (Why are so many cartoons still beset by shoddy scheduling?) DuckTales has been slightly quicker about unveiling its secrets than Gravity Falls, Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated, & The Venture Bothers. (Ooh, that’s back again with even more obscure continuity!) Now I’ll spoil those first season secrets! Or as I prefer to think of it, solving mysteries by rewriting history!
Guess what custom I’ll be showcasing today?
I went to Wakanda with The Wages of Cinema to visit Black Panther! My kitty’s mad I saw it without her. This I know from speaking the universal language of Espurranto. (I should start calling her Snuggletooth.) Let’s dive right off Warrior Falls into SPOILERS. If you’ve not seen it yet, skip even further down to the tilde for Toy Fair 2018 SPOILERS!
After much rumor & negotiation, Disney bought 21st Century Fox for the ludicrous amount of $52.4 billion. This means X-Men & Fantastic Four can join the MCU. The petty era of them being scrubbed off merchandise is over! They could star in cartoons & video games again! Hasbro could make a Marvel Legends movie Deadpool! Maybe this will motivate Marvel to stop marginalizing the merry mutants in comic books? Can Squirrel Girl, Scarlet Witch, & Quicksilver get retconned back into being muties? Since the MCU movies have been consistently better than Fox’s Marvel movies, this should make me happy. Why isn’t it?
In Rian Johnson’s Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Luke & Rey go to extreme lengths to unsuccessfully kill a lone Mynock that got into their Midichlorian factory before Luke finally agrees that nobody cares if The Force is slightly less than 98% pure. The original title was Star Wars: The Ultimate Jedi Who Wastes All the Other Jedi & Eats Their Bones, but that was too long a spoiler to print on posters.
I was one of the few not wowed over by The Force Awakens. Rogue One was even more superfluous. Only Rian Johnson’s filmography had raised my hopes for Episode VIII. Seeing it with The Wages of Cinema was a pleasant surprise. Please peruse this Porg podcast! Then real SPOILERS happen! (Several of these SW:TLJ Bingo spaces are accurate.)
Colin Trevorrow has been booted from Untitled Star Wars Sequel: Episode IX. People who’ve had the misfortune of seeing The Book of Henry tell me this is fantastic news. (That’s not to say there isn’t a deep pool of worse directors they can plug into this too big to fail conclusion.) He’s the fourth director (Remember Josh Trank’s aborted Boba Fett film?) to be let go by Disney’s Lucasfilm. WB gets dissed for its DC plans being in a state of apparent entropy, but obviously this phenomenon is not exclusive. If fans are going to come to Lucasfilm’s defense for trying to right the mega-franchise ship to avoid cinematic icebergs, maybe grant WB/DC some of that courtesy too? Or rag on them both?
Michael K. Williams’s performance has been cut from A Star Wars Story: Untitled Han Solo Film (Why isn’t it just Han Solo?) because he couldn’t fit extensive reshoots into his packed schedule. Rather than axe the character completely, replacement director Ron Howard has replaced him with Paul Bettany in the quickest instance of whitewashing. I’m hoping this half-animal character is a Selonian because Han Solo punching a giant otter in the tummy is actually something I’d like to see. At least he’s going full nepotism by giving Clint Howard a role so he can be in both of the big Star franchises. If Rogue One can be a non-swashbuckling war movie, why wouldn’t Lucasfilm let Lord & Miller make this a comedy? Millennial Falcon & Red Letter Media deserve some Imperial credits for cracking the screenplay. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.