Turtle Talk

Last week was legendary for the blog as I reviewed Shang-Chi & The Legend Of The Ten Rings & Legends Of Tomorrow season six back to back. I’d also written about Marvel Legends X-Men within seven days prior. Now to resume less tightly spaced blogging. This time I’ll talk about those terrible toyetic terrapins, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! So technically this ramble could’ve also been titled “Mutant Musings.” Pick up the metaphorical cheese phone of destiny by reading onward!

The Shredder

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Black Widow’s Belated Big Screen Bonanza

Bozhe moi! Marvel movies are finally back on the big screen! (Is The New Mutants a joke to you?) In Soviet Russia, The Wages of Cinema collaboreview listens to you! Now that you’ve seen Guardians, we can finally move onto Black Widow. It’s got some Red Sparrow, Hanna, Anna, & Atomic Blonde mixed in too. If Marvel had prioritized getting Natasha a solo flick when interest in her was at its apex, it could’ve beaten all those movies to the punch. There was even supposed to be a Black Widow movie before the MCU! After the podcast is a web of intrigue SPOILERS!

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Has Everybody Already Seen The Mandalorian?

My magnanimous brother-in-law got me Disney+ to watch The Mandalorian, but instead I used it to watch The One & Only Ivan! It’s the most bittersweet gorilla living with humans movie since Buddy. I always weep at gorilla films. Why won’t Hollywood make more gorilla films that aren’t tearjerkers? Togo has Willem Dafoe & so many handsome puppers! It made me cry too! I further delayed watching the Star Wars show by prioritizing Marvel’s 616 documentary series. I agree with the author of Deadpool Bi-Annual #1 that Brute Force should have its own cartoon & toyline. Even moreso than Stranger Things, the Interwuzzle’s collective inability not to spoil this actually disinclined me to watching it firsthand as soon as possible.

So I eventually got around to watching it. Even later, I got around to editing together my blog review. (This blog takes place prior to WandaVision.) Has everybody else already seen The Mandalorian? If so, you’ll be innoculated from SPOILERS in this cold take. What it lack in thoroughness, it makes up in action figure pics. I’m gonna regret putting them all into one article where they’re germane instead of spacing them out into non-topical blogs!

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The CW Shorts Out Black Lightning

After last week’s late DuckTales deep dive, we’ve arrived at the end of Black Lightning. The advertisement logo still looks cooler than the one on the title card. The CW continued to do as little promotion for its final season as possible, unlike Supergirl. It’s hyped up the mid-season return of Superman & Lois much more than this series finale. It took until the penultimate episode to get a next episode promo! Don’t be shocked to read SPOILERS & groan-worthy electricity puns throughout.

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Why Can’t We Ban Star Wars?

The Star Wars is a pathway to much suffering that some may consider unnatural. Its fandom is in a weird place now. Despite making billions of dollars on its new films, Disney’s grand plan to continually spawn more movies appears to have been scuttled. Its Story Group was so preoccupied with streamlining all the continuity that it somehow failed to plan ahead to the trilogy’s culmination. So theoretically Star Wars is over. Meanwhile TV series like The Mandalorian & The Clone Wars spinoff (Being less disappointing on television is Star Trek’s angle!) plus comic books like The High Republic are still getting buzz. So Disney put all this effort into wiping the slate clean of the sprawling Expanded Universe, only to discovery that ancillary media evoking it was more acclaimed than its flagship offerings. Go figure!

As someone who experiences Star Wars primarily through film & action figures, I’m satisfied to shrug & let the it go at this point. I like to insist I enjoy Star Wars less than you while still meeting the minimum criteria for being a fan. “We can move on to other franchises now, everybody!” says the bloke who insisted on watching The New Mutants. I’d be less bothered about SW discourse if it didn’t continue being so obnoxiously overexposed. It’s been a really tough year to write weekly content for, however, so I’m still going to write about Ewoks! Who is your favorite Star Warrior & why is it Albrekh?

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Ranger Slayer Danger Ahead!

After reviewing one of the best TV shows of last year, this week I did the thing I said I couldn’t easily do!

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Surprise! Kimberly Hart was the Ranger Slayer all along! I bet your monocle flew clear across the room!

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New Year But No New Lodge 49?

Congratulations on surviving 2019, dear readers! I’m glad Star Wars finished last year so we can finally focus on new fictional properties. If only it had been mushed together with Cats as The Rise Of The Jellicles! 2019 was an even bigger bloodbath on television. It marked the ends of Broad City, Game of Thrones, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Deadly Class, The Gifted, Gotham, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Legion, Santa Clarita Diet, Jessica Jones, Preacher, Cloak & Dagger, & Happy! Probably some other stuff I didn’t watch died too!

Alas, 2019’s most tragic televisual casualty was Lodge 49. (Reality recently lost Gahan Wilson, Caroll Spinney, RenĂ© Auberjonois, Marie Fredriksson, & Syd Mead.) If you thought the farewell of co-creator Jim Gavin would mark the end of me raving about the series (He individually thanked everyone that responded to it like a true gentleman!), you clearly haven’t been paying attention to all the new ways I’ve managed to keep writing about Gotham.

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The Rise Of Skywalker Is The Latest Downfall Of Star Wars

The Star Wars have finally ended thanks to a Star Treaty. The victor of is Solaris the Tyrant Sun. Behold our Star Wars Episode IX: The Sky Of Risewalker Rise Of Skywalker collaboreview with The Wages of Cinema! It’s made of SPOILERS! ‘Tis a rare double critique weekend!

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The Joker Is Wild In Gotham!

By now my recap of the latest DC TV premieres is officially old hat. What’s even older is Gotham! It’s been off the air for six months! (Longer, if you’re reading this in the future.) So now the time is ripe for more custom toys! A big oversight of Diamond Select Toys’ prematurely ended toyline was never making a Joker. So I rectified that with a rendition of his season five look. Obviously the spiffy one prominently worn in “Ace Chemicals,” not the series finale version with the gratuitously hideous visage. (Underneath the purple trenchcoat for the final outfit, Mr. J wore vintage Edward Nygma.) Now I’m sharing this creation because you are my very best friend.

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“I wanna be the star of the show!”

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