Turn Up The Snark For Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark!

Matt the Catania is going on hiatus while its author goes on a research sabbatical for his difficult second novel. We’re not sure when publication will resume, but if you’re following the blog by email or social media (click that heart icon up top), you’ll be the first to know. Also, Jenny “Millennial Falcon” Nicholson noticed me!

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In honor of the forthcoming Spider-Man: Homecoming, I shall leave you with an  incredibly timely review of the Broadway classic Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark!

I SURVIVED SPIDER-MAN: TURN OFF THE DARK! Seriously, we had to drive home through a blizzard on Boxing Day 2010. I pushed a Ford Focus out of a snowy parking lot & navigated by sticking my head out the passenger window. So here’s the spoiler free review: On the WTF? scale of 1-10, the musical was a solid 14. SPOILERS for a musical that’s been closed for years!!!

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Toy Fair & Supergirl Are Inequitable!

New York Toy Fair 2017 just happened! It felt oddly underwhelming this year, possibly because many of the wares had been previewed earlier. Did any of my wish list picks (Star Wars Black, DC Icons, Marvel Legends comics, Marvel Legends movies, DC TV) get unveiled?

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The LEGO Batman Movie Is Bat-tastic!

If you think Batman is oversaturated, you’re never going to be proven otherwise at the rate DC milks this cash-cow. Out of the four 2016 movies featuring Batman, Batman: Return of the Caped Crusaders was the best because it didn’t take itself so damn seriously. Thankfully his solo LEGO film follows in that vein. My favorite movie of last year, Deadpool, was released in February. Will history repeat itself with The LEGO Batman movie? Since I struggled to write a review that’s not just “EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!,” I’d recommend betting on black.

Somewhat SPOILERY iterations of what I discussed with The Wages of Cinema to follow. (Do you prefer me speaking extemporaneously on movies or reading me take the extra time to make typos about movies?)

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The Future Is Bad For You

If you’re reading this, congratulations on having survived 2016! Let’s all begin our venture through 2017 with low expectations! After all, 2017 is the year of The Running Man. They say to be the change you want to see in the world, so this year I’m having myself drawn & quartered!

Some good news is that both my 2016 views & visitor stats markedly increased over 2015’s, though WordPress hasn’t sent me a qualitative analysis like last year. Seeing as how my 2015 tenure was two months shy of of a full year, I’m especially glad the opposite wasn’t true. The most read blog was “Let’s All Ride Deadpool’s Coattails!,” so click through some of my lesser viewed blogs to even things out.  I was going to include a Top Ten Movies of 2016 list since I saw exactly ten movies at the cinema last year, but then I realized my quantitative rankings would be mostly arbitrary.  You’re better off reading my full reviews because they’re made of ambivalence & anhedonia!

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In 2017, don’t be that deranged hermit who shirks his societal responsibilities & criticizes others’ attempts. I already called dibs!

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Collector’s Edition Blog #100!

This is my hundredth blog! I don’t believe it either! Arithmomaniac readers may notice that there’s actually 101 entries on this blog, but I don’t count my reblog of Cain S. Latrani’s review of The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose.  Contrariwise this one is full of my own substantive content! I made it to 100 installments of Matt The Catania in under two years by sometimes posting twice a week. See, I can be productive when there’s no immediate monetary gain! To celebrate this milestone, I’m writing about whatever I damn well please (as opposed to those previous ninety-nine posts)!

The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl is Marvel’s most delightful comic book. In other news, you can describe water in three states. This is a comic book that’s unashamed of making you learn stuff like how to count to thirty-one on each hand. Eventually it will teach me an entire college education’s worth of computer programming at a fraction of the cost! Where else can you get a Choose Your Own Adventure comic about defeating Swarm, the breakout villain of Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark? (Note to self: publish your review of S-M: TOTD while it’s still timely!) Marvel really should’ve put the romance cover to the second #8 (now do you see the folly of constantly cancelling & restarting series?) as the cover for the fourth volume to better match its title, “I Kissed A Squirrel & I Liked It.” (Sadly it lacks Squirrel Girl’s story from Secret Wars: Secret Love.) It, along with Mark Waid’s Daredevil, are the only things that have ever made me care about the Mole Man. Who knew Tricephalous was such a romantic? HawkGuy is the worst, bro!

Squirrel Girl Beats Up The Marvel Universe! thankfully skews closer to Fred Hembeck Destroys the Marvel Universe than Punisher Kills The Marvel Universe. Did you know I was the first customer to get it signed by Erica Henderson & Ryan North the World’s Tallest Torontonian at NYCC? I read it months ago but didn’t review it until now because I don’t being on top of things.

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I asked for the personalization to prevent me from selling it … unless I find someone else named Matt.

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I just wanted proof of the custom inscription, by my cat just had to make herself the center of photographic attention.

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Is A Star Wars Story Rogue One-derful?

As the prophecy foretold, this is a real Star Wars: Rogue One review, unlike “This Custom Is A Rogue One.” (The secret theme of that one was symbiotic relationships, by the way.) Everything I knew about this movie ahead of time I learned from Jenny Nicholson. As usual, she’s right on the money.

The Wages of Cinema invited me to collaboreview this movie with them. I jumped at the chance to finally critique something that’s not a comic book adaptation. They even upgraded me from guest star Matt to Death Star Matt!

From this point forward there will be SPOILERS. Or as many SPOILERS as you can have for a story whose culmination occurs in a separate forty-year-old movie.

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Winter Must Break You!

Pantone has declared “greenery” the color of 2017. That means this blog’s  eye-bleedingly vivid hue is ahead of the curve!

Neither version of Spider-Man: Homecoming’s trailer wowed me. It somehow looks simultaneously too similar & too different from earlier Spider-Man films. As the Vulture, Michael Keaton threatens Spider-Man’s loved ones with all the disinterest he musters whilst disturbed in the middle of lunch by well-meaning Beetlejuice fans. How is the Vulture even a challenge to Spider-Man when he’s already pals with Iron Man? Marvel Studios will eventually do its take on Green Goblin, so why lessen his impact by starting off with bargain basement Green Goblin? I’d nitpick it more, but I will take the un-journalistic approach of saving it for my eventual review of the full movie.

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The porn parody should be named Spider-Man: Home Cumming, right?

I vowed to start talking about books again as TV has run off on winter break like a lazy cow herd coward. (Nickelodeon hasn’t even aired the final four episodes of TMNT’s fourth season! I can still mumble about how lackluster Gotham’s & Legends of Tomorrow‘s fall finales were if I really get desperate for semi-timely content.) So I guess that’s what I’m (barely) doing this week.

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