Grodd Bless The Flash!

The Flash’s “Attack on Gorilla/Central City” two-parter was the antidote to the Mr. Mxyzptlk episode of Supergirl! This is what I’ve been waiting for ever since Grodd’s cage was glimpsed in the pilot! You can retire now, television! The delayed The Flash movie now has an even higher bar to clear too! This is the first time we’ve really seen Gorilla Grodd come into his own as a legitimutant supervillain. Reverse-Flash’s furry son is all grown up! If only he had better taste in armor.

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The Inaugural DC Toy Fair Wish List!

One of my readers’ suggestion for 2017 was for the sort of listicles I used to write for Topless Robot & io9. While I’m eager to resume writing these for professional websites, I’m honoring reader requests in the meantime. Lists of what I’d like to see at Toy Fair this year (I’m accepting Toy Fair press passes) seem like a good topic to start with. The event is a month away, but I figure I ought to start now. A month is sufficient for the big toy companies to change their plans to suit my whims & make complete prototypes, right?

DC Collectibles is already doing sneak peeks including an expensive BTAS set of Renee Montoya, Killer Croc, Bane, Mr. Freeze, & Poison Ivy. So let’s start with them before it’s too late. They also take a really long time to get product out, so it’s best to get things onto their radar early. Since DCC does DC Icons based on the comics as well as toys based on  CW shows, I’ve concocted a separate list for each. (I guess Mattel could make entries off this list too. They just won’t be as good, although I am looking forward to their King Shark BAF.) Read onward to see the top ten DC TV characters that deserve plastic immortality!

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Winter Must Break You!

Pantone has declared “greenery” the color of 2017. That means this blog’s  eye-bleedingly vivid hue is ahead of the curve!

Neither version of Spider-Man: Homecoming’s trailer wowed me. It somehow looks simultaneously too similar & too different from earlier Spider-Man films. As the Vulture, Michael Keaton threatens Spider-Man’s loved ones with all the disinterest he musters whilst disturbed in the middle of lunch by well-meaning Beetlejuice fans. How is the Vulture even a challenge to Spider-Man when he’s already pals with Iron Man? Marvel Studios will eventually do its take on Green Goblin, so why lessen his impact by starting off with bargain basement Green Goblin? I’d nitpick it more, but I will take the un-journalistic approach of saving it for my eventual review of the full movie.

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The porn parody should be named Spider-Man: Home Cumming, right?

I vowed to start talking about books again as TV has run off on winter break like a lazy cow herd coward. (Nickelodeon hasn’t even aired the final four episodes of TMNT’s fourth season! I can still mumble about how lackluster Gotham’s & Legends of Tomorrow‘s fall finales were if I really get desperate for semi-timely content.) So I guess that’s what I’m (barely) doing this week.

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It’s Mid-Season Already?

Last week I reviewed the entire four-part three-part “Invasion!” crossover on the CW. You should go check that out since I went to the trouble of making five non-memetic pictures for it. Its sneakiest Easter Egg is the Hall of Justice hangar existing to construct the Justice League’s Watchtower satellite headquarters! Stagg Industries is a partner on the project, but nobody wants to avenge its CEO’s timeline-corrupting murder.

This week, I start talking about the genre shows going into hibernation. Didn’t the fall season just start two months ago? It doesn’t feel like any have aired a half season’s worth of episodes to warrant going on mid-season hiatuses yet. One-third season finales sounds more accurate. That means I’ll have to start blogging about books again soon.


So The Flash‘s Bayformers Megatron Savitar is the first metahuman with a grudge against Barry for trapping him into the Speed Force in the future (distinct from Barry throwing the Philosopher’s Stone into the Speed Force in the present)? Or he may be a resurrected Zoom since he’s familiar with the STAR Labs gang. Maybe they’ll tack Max Mercury’s name onto Savitar’s true identity to double down on divinity? It still doesn’t explain where he got all those human cultists from or how they enhance the narrative. I don’t buy that Savitar the stabby speedster is going to kill Iris, especially after all the heat (Green) Arrow took for killing both its Black Canaries.

Everybody was on the money predicting Dr. Julian Albert, who apparently got the same mail order archaeology degree as Dr. June Moon, was Dr. Alchemy before the season even began. Never trust anyone with two first names! Julian made some salient points about how Barry Allen sucks, so I’m glad they didn’t undercut them by making Julian intentionally evil. He’s more like Savitar’s ventriloquist dummy, which makes all those times Dr. Alchemy talked about how awesome Savitar is narcissistic. I dig Dr. Alchemy’s steampunk plague doctor mask. Unlike his comic book counterpart, Dr. Alchemy hasn’t actually done any alchemy unless you consider giving away metahuman powers an update on alchemy as a metaphor for self-actualization. I now ship Caitlin (who really needs psychiatric help for that dissociative Killer Frost identity she’s been manifesting) with Julian so she can get the hat trick for doomed boyfriends.

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Legends of Supergirl

Supergirl season two’s premiere on the CW felt more confident & jam-packed with cool things than anything in CBS’s season one. Boring office stuff was kept to a minimum in favor of fleshing out her mythos & big action scenes. Instead of awkwardly telling us how feminist it is, it shows us. It feels like a soft reboot, so you probably don’t even need to watch the choppy first season to know what’s going on. I’m still not cool with it airing in the same time slot as Gotham though. I’d warn you of SPOILERS for this & Legends of Tomorrow’s season two premieres, but odds are you’ve already seen Supergirl based on its record-breaking ratings.

Even with Superman guest starring, Supergirl isn’t reduced to second banana. Is Melissa Benoist actual sunshine in a human-shaped containment unit? She’d knock it out of the park as literally horny Supergirl. (Please adapt, CW!)

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Suicide Squad Goals

The difference between Suicide Squad & the Rio Olympics is that the athletes volunteered.

Just as it broke the August box office record set by the superior Guardians of the Galaxy, my really wordy review of Suicide Squad helped me break some of my own records. August 7, 2016 had my highest number of views so far! I’ve also finally exceeded the amount of visitors I had last year. Thank you, highly polarizing movie! (I guess you helped too, Preacher season one review that I posted the same week.) Why must I always get the best exposure when my book isn’t in print?

With the brutal war raging between movie critics & movie makers,WB might as well quote me on the the DVD. “Suicide Squad is perfectly adequate!”

The other news to pop up over the weekend is the apparently terrible music video for Skrillex’s & Rick Ross’s  “Pink Cadillac Purple Lamborghini” starring Jared Leto’s Joker. Leto was cast specifically so his anti-charm would make the protagonists of BVS:DOJ retroactively endearing, so I’m confident in agreeing that it’s a lousy music video without having seen it. I’m not even going to link it because friends don’t let friends witness bad music videos. People who were paid to endure it tell me it’s like “I’m On A Boat” with all the mirth excised. This song is also about the wrong car. He drove a purple Infiniti G35 Vaydor in the movie.

Did you know there’s already plans for a Harley Quinn movie?  On one paw this could be good since it seemed like Harley’s character development wound up mostly on the cutting room floor. On the other paw, I really don’t want more of the Harley & Joker power couple that David Ayer foisted upon us. He completely missed the point of Harley being a fun yet sympathetic villainess in a dysfunctional relationship. Movie Harley was as much of an unrepentant garbage person as the Joker. It’s only when she was separated from him that she displayed any comedic charm. I’d be all aboard this spinoff if they ditched Suicide Squad’s continuity in favor of what Paul Dini intended.

I wish Mattel released all the figures needed to build Killer Croc at the same. I wish more that he was a figure I could just buy instead of being a BAF. (Well there is a better looking DC Collectibles edition on the way but it sadly lacks the option to go shirtless.) But what I wish most is that the main antagonist had an action figure. Where’s Enchantress?

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Prioritize her fancy costume over the grimy one, Mattel & DC Collectibles!

The Joker’s panda henchman got one, & he’s even less of a character than Slipknot! And if Mattel can make not one but but two incredibly banal versions of Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor, surely it can make one Amanda Waller.

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Suicide Squad Won’t Make You Want To Kill Yourself

Much like Ghostbusters, Suicide Squad is a remake of beloved film designed to retroactively ruin your childhood. So this movie has been getting lousy reviews, but I don’t think this movie deserves them. It’s perfectly adequate! I don’t mean to damn it with faint praise. After Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice (not just Ice was snubbed when it came to extraneous Justice League cameos), WB could certainly use a DC movie that doesn’t make you want to kill yourself.

On the way to the theater, I had a Make Way For Ducklings moment with Canada geese. A huge flock of them stopped traffic in both directions for 5 minutes. A driver ahead of me had to get out & shoo the last third of them across. This is a personal anecdote that happened to me!

I achieved the rank of Guest Star Matt on my latest collaboreview (not all my portmanteaus can be winners) with The Wages of Cinema. After you put that in your ears, read my SPOILER-laden analysis below! I promise not to detonate the micro-bomb in your neck if you do!

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