To celebrate the release of Jupiter’s Legacy, I finally watched Doom Patrol season two! I have no regrets! Better late to the second party than never! I’m still gobsmacked that this is a real television series verified by assorted strangers rather than a private ayahuasca hallucination. This HBO Max show survived the death of DC Universe. The following cold take is full of season two SPOILERS that sound like gibberish!
When we last left Riverdale, nothing had been resolved! Its fifth season premiere doesn’t feel like one because it wasn’t intended be a season premiere. Last season was cut short by three episodes. This was titled “Climax,” but it doesn’t feel like one either. I wouldn’t even be writing this episode up by its lonesome if it weren’t blog tradition to use its popularity to bring attention to a better prematurely cancelled series. It hasn’t worked for Lodge 49 yet, but I’m giving it another go nonetheless. Am I going to need to come back in a fortnight to recap what would’ve been the fourth season finale & then do what would’ve been season five’s premiere the week after? Let me know! SPOILERS for a soap opera that continues to make no damn sense but has much better production values than the daytime variety!
This movie is Wonder Woman 84, meaning I skipped the intervening eighty-two sequels since the original. In a controversial move, WB finally opted to simultaneously release it to cinemas & HBO Max (at no additional charge, unlike Mulan on Disney+) on Christmas day. At least its release wasn’t as postponed as The New Mutants. I watched it a movie theater because I believe the safety precautions taken by the cinema & myself are sufficient to outweigh the risk. If you think otherwise, Gal Gadon’t go because you can watch it from the safety of your home. So is Wonder Woman 1984 doubleplusgood or thoughtcrime? The Lasso of Truth compels me to unspool its SPOILERS in this collaboreview with The Wages of Cinema, reunited for the first time since Plan 9 From Star Wars!
It’s odd how Swamp Thing is often described as an obscure character when he had some of the highest media saturation for a DC Comics character prior to its shared movieverse. I never saw either film despite wishing to do so. (Tubi currently just has the sequel.) I recently leaned he previously had a poorly received yet somehow syndicated live action TV series in the 90’s. I did see the movie of Man-Thing, Marvel’s mucky counterpart, featuring the future Trish Walker when it aired as a SciFi Original Movie. Despite being made by the director of the beloved Virtuosity & Lawnmower Man (Sadly Cybo-Man is the exception to the Monkey With A Gun rule.), Man-Thing is so terrible that the title creature is ashamed to show his iconic visage until the climax.
Thanks to the intro of his very short-lived cartoon of which I only vaguely recall seeing the pilot, I’ll always associate Swamp Thing with Jimi Hendrix & The Troggs. (Is Swampy jealous Man-Thing has his own The Mountain Goats song?). He was embargoed from appearing on Justice League Unlimited (aside from some Easter eggs snuck in) because by that point he was cloistered away in the mature readers Vertigo imprint. Thankfully Justice League Action allowed him & John Constantine to poison the minds of the youth! Swampy is very toyetic, yet somehow I never acquired any of his action figures.
Unlike last week’s merry Marvel miscellany, here’s a blog with a pruned topic. You’ve seen my fire gourd, now read my review of Swamp Thing’s relatively new television series! It’s doomed, which makes it more tragic. Now I finally have firsthand anger over this. The morass below is crawling with SPOILERS!
I carved Swamp Thing into a pumpkin to show my disrespect for The Green! You can tell it’s not a Man-Thing fire gourd because it’s got a wishbone shape on its face instead of a distended M. Fear doesn’t burn at its touch, unlike the existential angst within. It kind of resembles The Creature from The Black Lagoon (“Gillman” if you’re nasty). I have a long history with Jack-O-Lanterns not resembling what I envisioned them as.
In the spirit of Samhain not involving vampires staked with shilleaghs, here is a grab bag of bite-sized horror TV reviews. I also rant against the entities that provided such entertainment. Boo to the trend of diverse shows being cancelled in favor of reboots & spinoffs! Netflix didn’t even release the final chunk of CAOS in time for Halloween! There may be minor spoilers for assorted shows you would’ve watched by now if you really cared.
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As you probably know by now, the Fall 2020 TV season isn’t really happening. Some series have begun filming again (This doesn’t seem safe given the general state of Covid Compliance Officers.), but new episodes won’t be arriving until January 2021. This puts me at a disadvantage because I typically fill out the rest of the year blogging about season premieres, series premieres, & mid-season finales.
WB released some tidbits about Birds Of Prey & The Suicide Squad. I’ll get to them, but this is merely an excuse to write about various DC Comics things in the backlog! I know you’re only coming here for my Gotham cold takes anyway.
Last week I recapped The Flash’s & Riverdale’s season finales. (Comparing The Flash to Riverdale is like comparing Cicadaggers to invisibears.) Now it’s Supergirl’s & Legends of Tomorrow’s turn! Fourth season finale SPOILERS abound below!
Now that The Flash, Black Lightning, Supergirl, & Arrow have had their season premieres, it’s finally time for Legends Of Tomorrow! (I’m honestly not sure if Supergirl’s writing has become politically savvier or if the real world political climate has degenerated to its level.) With Better Call Saul out of the way, it’ll be unstoppable! This is late because I had to review two Netflix shows in a row before they evaporated from the mainstream attention span. Then real life stuff pushed it back further. This is a series about time travel hijinks so being belated is almost apropos. In addition to assorted season four spoilers, I’ll throw in bonus Gotham season five news! Nobody’s gonna read this, are they?
This is one of those relaxing weeks before the new TV season starts up. So I’m going to regale you with some random Batman musings that didn’t fit elsewhere. I repeat “Gotham” a lot even though it won’t return for its swan song until next year like Game of Thrones. (Get a jump on those mash-up videos now, YouTuberrs!) There’s also a bit about that Joker movie that is still happening for some reason & the Doom Patrol show that might be good. This may be a good opportunity to read my Preacher season three review if you prefer a tighter theme. Everybody loves Batman, however, so this is a must read post! After all, utility belts are just organized fanny packs. Pay no mind to whatever Captain Marvel news is happening!