Turn Up The Snark For Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark!

Matt the Catania is going on hiatus while its author goes on a research sabbatical for his difficult second novel. We’re not sure when publication will resume, but if you’re following the blog by email or social media (click that heart icon up top), you’ll be the first to know. Also, Jenny “Millennial Falcon” Nicholson noticed me!

snapshot

In honor of the forthcoming Spider-Man: Homecoming, I shall leave you with an  incredibly timely review of the Broadway classic Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark!

I SURVIVED SPIDER-MAN: TURN OFF THE DARK! Seriously, we had to drive home through a blizzard on Boxing Day 2010. I pushed a Ford Focus out of a snowy parking lot & navigated by sticking my head out the passenger window. So here’s the spoiler free review: On the WTF? scale of 1-10, the musical was a solid 14. SPOILERS for a musical that’s been closed for years!!!

Continue reading

The Future Is Bad For You

If you’re reading this, congratulations on having survived 2016! Let’s all begin our venture through 2017 with low expectations! After all, 2017 is the year of The Running Man. They say to be the change you want to see in the world, so this year I’m having myself drawn & quartered!

Some good news is that both my 2016 views & visitor stats markedly increased over 2015’s, though WordPress hasn’t sent me a qualitative analysis like last year. Seeing as how my 2015 tenure was two months shy of of a full year, I’m especially glad the opposite wasn’t true. The most read blog was “Let’s All Ride Deadpool’s Coattails!,” so click through some of my lesser viewed blogs to even things out.  I was going to include a Top Ten Movies of 2016 list since I saw exactly ten movies at the cinema last year, but then I realized my quantitative rankings would be mostly arbitrary.  You’re better off reading my full reviews because they’re made of ambivalence & anhedonia!

yoda1

In 2017, don’t be that deranged hermit who shirks his societal responsibilities & criticizes others’ attempts. I already called dibs!

Continue reading

Eventually This Will Have A Title

Rachel Skarsten responded to me nominating her for Stephfi the Marauderatrix in a The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose adaptation!

Tamsin the Valkyrie didn’t say she wouldn’t buff up to be in an adaptation of my obscure novel that hasn’t be greenlit yet, so this is going in the win column. Annet Mahendru liked my tweet about her playing Fairuza as well! Strike now while the iron is hot, TV & film producers!

You have a week to pay what thou will for twenty-four books with Booktrope Sci-fi & Thriller Humble Bundle!  You’ll be supporting charities (Freedom of the Press Foundation & Prevent Cancer Foundation) & getting $120 worth of wonderful indie eBooks at a great bargain of your choosing!

I still haven’t seen Jessica Jones or Daredevil season 2 yet, but I am caught up on Agents of SHIELD. Yay? So Simmons will make a Terrigensis-vaccine from Absorbing Man’s (actor Brian Patrick Wade’s real life wife, bodybuilder Jill Wade, should guest star as Titania to blur the divide with fiction) blood just to shut up people like me asking why Bucky is more important than an Inhuman population boom in Iron Man v. Captain America: Dawn of Vengeance Comics Alliance has already done the work for me of explaining why Coulson isn’t a good spy & Lincoln is possibly worse than Ward. (The Inhuman wearing Ward’s face moved up in the ranks slightly since getting a goop sacrifice scene.)

115tay

Continue reading

What If Brother Banenose Was A Movie?

Thank you to everyone who celebrated my blog’s birthday with me! I hope you enjoy your 99¢ eBooks & remember to leave a review!

John “Finn the human” Boyega retweed me!

Now I can’t stop getting notifications. If only there was some way to get everyone who hearted it to read a specific book…

Did you know that if an image contains 20% text, Facebook won’t take your money to boost that post? Weird, eh?

I’m disappointed that red Kryptonite on Supergirl just made her a jerk. They shouldn’t be repeating Smallville’s mistakes. Red Kryptonite can have any surreal effect writers dream of, so making it so cliche was a waste. She didn’t even go full world-conquering evil with a snazzy pope hat!

Did you know I started writing a screenplay for The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose before Booktrope made it available to purchase as a book? I’d still love to see it adapted into a feature film. Perhaps a limited run TV series like Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell would be even better so less would need to be cut for time constraints. So I’ve taken the liberty of fan-casting (until the book’s popularity takes off, I must serve additionally as its biggest fan) a possible live action adaptation. My absurdly extensive cast list has shifted a bit over the years, but this is who I’d go with if production started right now:

Brother Banenose – Ian Holm

il_fullxfull.757452154_bc3g

With range spanning Napoleon Bonaparte to Bilbo Baggins, Ian Holm can make a befuddled monk compelling. If you think he’s too old, then know that Derek Jacobi is my second choice. We’re going full ageist on this one.

Fairuza – Annet Mahendru

2014+New+York+Comic+Con+Day+2+eCvPSJpOZ5_l

I cycled through a bunch of actresses before it struck me that Annet Mahendru was the perfect Fairuza. She’ll get to be more screwball & less dour than she is on The Americans. All she needs is a fancy dagger, a rawhide ensemble, & a necklace of teeth!

Norbert – Dylan Moran

600full-dylan-moran

Dylan Moran starred as an irascible character with just enough charm that you didn’t want him booted off screen in Black Books. This will be crucial as Norbert goes full dirtbag.

Stephfi the Marauderatrix – Rachel Skarsten

S03E02_Subterrfaenean_14

Stephfi was tough to cast until I realized that superhero movies prove any thespian can upgrade their physique for a role. All Lost Girl’s Rachel Skarsten has to do is massively bulk up & wear lifts in her boots. She already has the warrior attitude.

The All-Seeing Insect Of Doom – Kristen Schaal

kristen-schaal1

Kristen Schaal’s voice can oscillate between irritating & adorable, so she’ll find the ideal medium for The All-Seeing Insect Of Doom’s squawks of ill tiding. Muppeteers will bring its body to life.

Read on, for I’ve cast even more obscure characters after the break!

Continue reading

Happy 1st Birthday To My Blog!

Happy Birthday to Matt the Catania! You’re a whole year old & I still can’t decide if your ‘the’ is uppercase or not. I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for fifty-two consecutive weeks either! After last week, I expected I’d be slain by Supergirl loyalists before the big day. (Yes, I’ll discuss some DC & Marvel movies if you keep scrolling.)

To commemorate this historic occasion, the Kindle edition of The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose is on sale for $0.99 through Sunday! If you prefer paperbacks, you can also get the physical edition for below cover price from Barnes & Noble or Amazon!

330_0.647739001457504548_pricepromobanenose63

So tell all your pals to get in on this limited time deal while the getting’s good! (Unless you’d prefer the schadenfreude of convincing your friends to buy it after the price reverts back to its regular $4.99 bargain.) Always remember to leave a good review after you’ve read it on its sale pages & Goodreads. Reviews, ratings, & word of mouth are the best ways you can help indie authors like myself without buying a metric ton of our books. Thank you all very much for your patronage & enjoy your book!

In less than a year, I’ve gone from having no product of my own to having my very own professionally published & self-illustrated novel to solicit. I don’t believe I’ve ever shown the back cover of my book here so let’s rectify that right now:

Banenose back

Belatedly behold the back cover of Brother Banenose!

Continue reading

An Interview For Your Eyes Only

I usually do podcast interviews for your ears only, but this time you’ll have to read. Brandon Reis interviewed me for the William Paterson University Honors College newsletter. Whilst on campus, I was also able to present Professor John Peterman with a personalized copy for his guidance on The Dolorous Adventure Of Brother Banenose back was it was just an un-illustrated thesis. With any luck, my alma mater will invite me to speak to students directly next time.

95275082-2d54-49c5-a456-0d7fdcd36560

Let me know if you have any suggestions on what you’d like me to address in upcoming interviews, blogs, signings, & speaking engagements! Also feel free to contact my manager (MajankaVerstraete@Booktrope.com) if you’d like to set any of those up.

Continue reading

The Force Awakens A Recycled Hope

According to WordPress, the statistics for inaugural ten months of Matt The Catania were these:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed 12,286 times in 2015. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take more than 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it. Site visitors came from 181 countries.

I also made a book. Once you finish reading it, come back for my in-depth review of the newest Star Wars flick.

Continue reading