Riddle Me This?

Guess what custom I’ll be showcasing today?

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“Did I say you could look at my symbolic apple, nerd?” (Nygmobblepot season one)

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Deadpool 2: X-Force Boogaloo!

Deadpool is probably my favorite X-movie. Much like the first installment, I saw its sequel with The Wages of Cinema’s Jack & Korey, who will become rich & famous from inventing jam brittle. This time they let me collaboreview Deadpool 2 with them. Much like Syfy’s Happy!, this is another adaptation that’s difficult to review because I legitimutantly liked it that much. Ryan Reynolds & his returning screenwriters (Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick) have impressed me once again! This was directed by Atomic Blonde’s David Leitch. It’s kind of hard to discuss it without completely spoiling it anyway, so let’s cut to the chase!

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The Shadow King Cancels TV

So many scripted shows got axed like timber this TV Upfronts season! Pretty soon I’ll have to resume blogging about books! I’m blaming The Shadow King. Why? Because I made a custom action figure of him, & I don’t feel like either is meaty enough for separate blogs.

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Turn around, Bright Eyes!

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Pacific Rim 2: Kaiju Boogaloo!

I saw Pacific Rim: Uprising with The Wages of Cinema’s Jack Gattanella. We managed to neural handshake into a shorter than usual podcast review. Then I made this drone-Jaeger review that’s secretly infested with spoilers! Or as many as you can have for a sequel to a homage of multiple anime & tonkatsu tokusatsu. Giant robot suits punch giant monsters! Will you rise up to scroll down, or are you writing this off as PR Nightmare? At the very end there’s more lamentations about the demise of Toys R Us.

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Alicia Vikander Unearths Tomb Raider’s Lara Croft

Somehow the original Tomb Raider movie managed to be terrible despite stone monkey guardians. I’m still angry they were dispatched so easily! (The Cradle Of Life was better.) While it could’ve used some stone monkeys, the new Tomb Raider movie is legitimutantly good! It’s just not as gonzo as Chronicles of The Ghostly Tribe. This is an opinion I have as a person only peripherally aware of Lara Croft’s legendary exploits. Below I unearth a review with … not much in the way of spoilers. How’d I manage that?

Following in the tradition of Angelina Jolie, another Oscar winning foreigner with a disguise accent was cast as the English protagonist. Sweden’s Alicia Vikander, Oscar winner for Ex Machina, as Lara Croft is worth the price of admission.

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Lara Croft is a cool name, but I would’ve gone with Thomasina Brader for nominative determinism if I had my druthers.

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Third Anniversary Of Underachievement!

Last week this blog had another anniversary! We’re now officially into year three! True to form, I’ve nothing to show for it. I still don’t have a new publisher to get The Dolorous Adventure of Brother Banenose back into print. (Contact me if you’d like to buy one of the limited supply of signed author’s copies of the first edition I have left.) I don’t have a publisher for my second novel, which I’ve yet to complete, either. My priorities & ability to plan ahead remain out of order. Here’s an exclusive image of the scapegoat for my lack of success:

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There’s no mouse this catsquatch won’t trod upon with her GOAT feet in her quest to distract me.

I dropped my phone in Walmart surrounded by strangers & the back popped off. I literally exclaimed, “Oh no! That’s bad!” That’s kind of momentous, right? (Hopefully I’m not as doomed as Toys R Us or Barnes & Noble. The impending late stage capitalism collapse of two of my favorite industries totally isn’t filling me with any existential dread.) I haven’t seen Jessica Jones season two yet, but I have quasi-spoilery recaps for assorted network comic book shows below.

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“Gotham Is Nice. You’ll Like It.”

A movie I really liked won lots of Oscars this year! And the Award for Best In-Universe Commercial goes to… Gotham’s The Sirens Club! Collect your trophies, Danny Cameron, Hanelle Culpepper, Erin Richards, Jessica Lucas, & Camren Bicondova! Despite its excellent club scene, the cast wisely wouldn’t live in Gotham City.

Since the season left off, I’ve found myself in Gotham withdrawal. As a show I begrudging sat through during season one, how did it come to this? Is (Green) Arrow so unwatchable this season that it makes Gotham look great by comparison? (Sometimes I think season six is punishment for me being the only person that hated season five.) Whilst perusing clips online, I came to the conclusion that it has progressively blossomed into a legitimutantly good show just like Agents of SHIELD! Gotham is nonsensical in a kookily entertaining way, whereas (Green) Arrow doesn’t make sense in an infuriatingly dull manner. It’s so despicable now that the boxing glove arrow not being a quiver staple no longer even makes my top five complaints. (The writers threw everyone under the bus in the worst Civil War ripoff because they were too stupid to notice that Black Siren didn’t have an opportunity to personally withdraw the extortion fund for herself! AAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!) Instead of breaking my keyboard in fury, I’ll thoroughly review the one I don’t currently loathe.

In addition to not feeling as formulaic, Gotham is a better directed series overall than The CW’s DC shows. For instance, “Pieces Of A Broken Mirror” began with with four separate plots geographically converging. We don’t yet learn if Sofia Falcone is managing crime better than Oswald Cobblepot, but there’s lots of other stuff going down. Even underused Lucius Fox gets in on it.

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“Although if you pop a cap in Lee, that’d be just peachy.”

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