“What If … Disney Made An MCU Cartoon?”

Unlike Uatu, I have vowed to interfere with your viewing enjoyment of assorted Marvel adaptations! Disney’s first official MCU cartoon, “What If…?”, is simultaneously canon & irrelevant to the MCU because of they’ve officially admitted there’s a multiverse. Every Marvel adaptation is now retroactively part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, completionists!

The series premiere is the most boring, yet I spent the most words discussing it. It acclimates viewers to the concept as subsequent episodes become more experimental. It doesn’t do anything as provocative as Steve Rogers professing blind patriotism is bad. These brisk episodes expect you to conversant with the MCU, which shouldn’t be an issue if you’re streaming on Disney+. “What if … Phil Coulson lived?” is available to stream now too. Some of the minute has been fudged in these altverses, but it’s not like the movieverse continuity is airtight. At times like those it makes me wish the series wasn’t beholden to the MCU at all. What if … you read below for SPOLIERS for the speculative fiction that Uatu & I watched? What if … this phrase wasn’t at all overused in this post?

Peggy is short for Margaret because is rhymes with Meggy?

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X-Factor’s Polaris Possesses Strong Magnetism

Who wants to see my custom of Polaris in her red & gold X-Factor costume? “But you just made a custom Polaris!” Don’t hassle me, readers! None of you stopped me when you had the chance! I know you’re just figments of my imagination anyway! I will tell you a tale of how this custom of The Mistress Of Magnetism’s least beloved costume came too be. You won’t believe how far my recipe changed. Plan A did not survive its encounter with my budget. Since I’ve inserted photos of it to break up the text walls, I’ll be spoiling the ending. For non-Polaris commentary, refer to my previous X-blog.

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Turtle Talk

Last week was legendary for the blog as I reviewed Shang-Chi & The Legend Of The Ten Rings & Legends Of Tomorrow season six back to back. I’d also written about Marvel Legends X-Men within seven days prior. Now to resume less tightly spaced blogging. This time I’ll talk about those terrible toyetic terrapins, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! So technically this ramble could’ve also been titled “Mutant Musings.” Pick up the metaphorical cheese phone of destiny by reading onward!

The Shredder

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LOT Remains Legendary In Season Six

DC’s Legends Of Tomorrow is becoming an increasingly hard series to review. My main complaint is that’s a bait & switch since it barely adapts anything from DC Comics. LOT also takes the Doctor Who approach to time travel, in that the rules vary wildly in each story. Setting that aside, it’s very entertaining. So I’m just gonna rubber stamp my approval anyway. There’s little to criticize. You should just watch it. Since I went to the bother of putting together all these words in a slightly more timely fashion than my Shang-Chi & The Legend Of The Ten Rings review (It’s a legendary week.), I’ll ask you to gander at the SPOILERS for the rest of season six below. I throw in bonus Black Adam too.

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Is Shang-Chi & The Legend Of The Ten Rings As Epic As Its Title?

Shang-Chi & The Legend Of The Ten Rings is a great title I would’ve expected of a sequel. Fred Van Lente was asked to use Shang-Chi in Wolverine: First Class so Marvel’s trademark wouldn’t lapse. Then they don’t bother using Master Of Kung Fu in his movie title. I agree that mastering kung fu isn’t the greatest selling point in a universe of superhumans though. If he’s mastered kung fu, why isn’t Shang-Chi’s supranym Kung-Fu-Mmaster? (DC has Judomaster.) The Wages Of Cinema will now SPOIL what happens beyond the title while its newer trailers spoil the climax to a crazy degree! Is Shang-Chi your guy when The Ten Rings are nigh? (If you’re not ready for that, might I interest you in some X-Men rants?)

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Mutant Musings

Sometimes I write blogs for spite! I’m not sure if my faith in humanity should be restored by the minimal views. Now we’re back to one of my rambling blogs that aren’t tied in to recent media events. The topic is X-Men (Remind me to do an annual cat post.), handily divided into toys, film/TV, & comic books.

X-Women

This is how the youths comport themselves in music halls nowadays.

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No Way Home For The Suicide Squad

People are freaking out about the trailer for the second third Spider-Man like it’s the second coming of The Snyder Cut. I’m not enthused by No Way Home, but I’ll write about it since that’s what the rabid public wants. By the time I publish this they’ll have moved on to something else. (I’ll be chagrined if it still gets more views than the Superman & Lois season one wrap-up.) Unlike reputable news outlets, punctuality is our #1 dream. That’s okay because I really wanted to talk more about The Suicide Squad. The new memes I’ve made since will surely be stale now too. SPOILERS for that underperforming movie leaving HBO Max soon & a trailer that you’ve probably had shoved in your face even if tried dodging it below! At least this one’s short.

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The Suicide Squad Is To Die For!

I’m back with the SPOILER Squad otherwise known as The Wages Of Cinema to take on The Suicide Squad! (Thanks to its earlier UK release, I had to dodge spoilers for a week so I didn’t accidentally discover whether King Shark is a shark.) Warner Brothers wanted Suicide Squad to be its Guardians Of The Galaxy. (It wasn’t.) So for the sequel, they got James Gunn to write & direct. That’s a huge upgrade from David Ayer. (I’m curious how the version co-written by Todd Stashwick would’ve compared.) It’s also much wiser to get a Marvel writer-director in on the ground floor than bringing one in mid-stream as a replacement. TSS follows Wolverine’s lead by adding “The” to the title rather than a number or creative subtitle. Much like TMNT:OOTS, you’re not required to have seen the first installment to enjoy the sequel. This one’s already got a leg up in containing no Jared Leto Joker!

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What’s The Sensation Of Masters Of The Universe Revelation?

I wasn’t sure if I was going to watch Masters Of The Universe Revelation since I’m only a filthy casual fan. (If I sound too knowledgeable about the franchise, it’s because I picked up a lot from cultural osmosis in addition to having the ability to research.) I had some free time after finishing the superlative second season of Never Have I Ever (Netflix better not axe it like it did my other favorite shows!), so I gave it a shot. Unlike big stretches of The Flash’s seventh season, I do not regret it. It’s getting an overabundance of negative buzz, so I’m belatedly SPOILING why it’s actually good so far. (Netflix annoyingly cleft it in twain like seasons two & three of She-Ra.)

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Is Loki Too Low Key?

Disney caught up to comics in killing death. Here be SPOILERS for Disney+’s Loki series, the direct sequel to this Hydundai commercial. (I thought Marvel Studios shilled for Audi?) This is not a trick. Oddly I don’t have too much to say about it? (Don’t get your hopes up about it being short though.) So stay for the mini-rants about alternate timelines vs. alternate realities & identity changes in adaptations!

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