MCU Musings

I’ve got a backlog of writing that’s more esoteric than my usual rants. Since my neophyte blogging days, however, I’ve learned it’s better for site traffic to prioritize blogs that are newsworthy in the moment. (Even being well timed, however, isn’t a guarantee they’ll be popular upon posting.) Then when there isn’t anything trendy happening in a given week, I get confused over which ramble is most worth editing into something readable.

That was going to be the case last week, but then I heard D23 was happening. So after postponing to see if anything earthshaking was revealed, it was more of a Loki lowkey affair aside from a Werewolf By Night trailer & Thunderbolts roster. So then I opted not to rush to publish my thoughts. Instead this is mostly rambling Marvel Cinematic Universe cold takes. I held back some stuff that’d be germane to She-Hulk: Attorney At Law & Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. In addition to general MCU & adjacent Spider-Man, I’ll start off with hypothetical X-Men. Belated Marvel Comics rants will be a future blog.

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Spider-Man Has No Way Home From Nostalgia

The making of the second third Spider-Man movie seemed more chaotic than usual. There’s been so many leaks about this movie before press screenings even happened. Neither they nor the trailers have gotten me enthused about seeing this. Why do we need this when Into The Spider-Verse already exists? (Across The Spider-Verse looks keen! Is Hailee Steinfeld getting typecast?)

“Mom, we want Spider-Man: No Way Home!”

“We already have Spider-Man at home.”

No Way Home at home is Into The Spider-Verse. There is much rejoicing.

One downside to superhero movies finally catching on with the public is that The ‘Net is determined to spoil anything that may bring firsthand joy. Legions of Spider-Fans have been extra rabid about this one. So The Wages Of Cinema SPOILS this movie for you to perpetuate the web of abuse.

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“What If … Disney Made An MCU Cartoon?”

Unlike Uatu, I have vowed to interfere with your viewing enjoyment of assorted Marvel adaptations! Disney’s first official MCU cartoon, “What If…?”, is simultaneously canon & irrelevant to the MCU because of they’ve officially admitted there’s a multiverse. Every Marvel adaptation is now retroactively part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, completionists!

The series premiere is the most boring, yet I spent the most words discussing it. It acclimates viewers to the concept as subsequent episodes become more experimental. It doesn’t do anything as provocative as Steve Rogers professing blind patriotism is bad. These brisk episodes expect you to conversant with the MCU, which shouldn’t be an issue if you’re streaming on Disney+. “What if … Phil Coulson lived?” is available to stream now too. Some of the minutia has been fudged in these altverses, but it’s not like the movieverse continuity is airtight. At times like those it makes me wish the series wasn’t beholden to the MCU at all. What if … you read below for SPOLIERS for the speculative fiction that Uatu & I watched? What if … this phrase wasn’t at all overused in this post?

Peggy is short for Margaret because is rhymes with Meggy?

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X-Factor’s Polaris Possesses Strong Magnetism

Who wants to see my custom of Polaris in her red & gold X-Factor costume? “But you just made a custom Polaris!” Don’t hassle me, readers! None of you stopped me when you had the chance! I know you’re just figments of my imagination anyway! I will tell you a tale of how this custom of The Mistress Of Magnetism’s least beloved costume came too be. You won’t believe how far my recipe changed. Plan A did not survive its encounter with my budget. Since I’ve inserted photos of it to break up the text walls, I’ll be spoiling the ending. For non-Polaris commentary, refer to my previous X-blog.

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It’s The Most Marvelous Time Of The Year!

After last week’s commissioned deep dive into Stormfront the proverbial milkshake duck, I figured it’s time to clear out some of the Marvel content cluttering my drafts. I won’t be finished editing my X Of Swords review until nobody cares, so this is light on X-Men content. It does have a surfeit of pre-Christmas action figure photos if that’s your bag. (I will regret this if Santa only delivers coal this year.) After the MCU news musings not involving She-Hulk, my comic book thoughts are separated by superfluous tildes!

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“Now I have The Phoenix Force! Ho ho ho!”

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Ronan, I Accuse You!

Much like Gotham’s Azrael, there’s a good costume for Guardians of the Galaxy’s Ronan the Accuser hiding beneath a drab color scheme. His Captain Marvel prequel costume still isn’t green enough! Since I already had the GOTG version, I decided just to give that a full repaint as threatened instead of waiting to see if Hasbro would release a moderately greener one. (I haven’t seen one solicited yet, but it could be offered in a two-pack with Kree colors Carol Danvers.) Photos of the completed custom as well as mini-rants about Venom & Stilt-Man to follow!

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“I accuse you of aping my look!”

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Is Venom Box Office Poison ?

We are The Wages of Cinema collaboreview for Venom! (Not the one where the tow truck driver got possessed by evil souls kept in voodoo snakes nor the one where kidnappers are scared of a single black mamba. At least it isn’t the third remake of A Star Is Born. We need a Venom/”Bad Romance” mashup pronto to quell that bad blood!) Bond with our symbiotic SPOILERS below!

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Syfy Made Me Happy!

It’s usually easier to review something I dislike. I can point out its perceived shortcomings, explain why it didn’t appeal to me, & make suggestions of how to fix it, all while incorporating snarky quips. Meanwhile I struggle to write thorough reviews of media that just click with me. (Perhaps one day I can be as insightful as The Institute of Gremlins 2 Studies.) This installment comes later than expected because I wanted to write a meaningful recommendation of Happy! beyond “I liked this! It’s good; trust me.”

Syfy has won me over with its adaptation of Happy! Much like FILLER! & mother! (I learned only too late that it has no capitals), its loopiness bleeds into my sentence structure thanks to its mandatory exclamation mark. Sometimes it feels like it was made just for me! The Grant Morrison & Darick Robertson comic is only four issues, so it’s perfect length for a feature film. Unlike Inhumans, it translated surprisingly well into an eight episode TV season. The expanded stuff is legitimutantly engaging instead of empty padding.

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Who’s Ready For Spider-Man Fatigue?

The trailer for Black Panther is awesome, even if his tweaked costume still isn’t gold-accented. Contrariwise, the more buzz I hear for Spider-Man: Homecoming, the less I’m excited for it.  The final poster is not good. The Vulture’s personality & gear seems more suited to Beetle. (It seems likely Hannah John-Kamen will be the Janice Lincoln version in Ant-Man & the Wasp. Does that mean Tombstone will appear too?) Zendaya is playing an existing character under an alias as if the reveal of her true identity is supposed to be some dramatic surprise? There’s already too much Iron Man in his ugly Ultimates armor. The bastards broke seven LEGO Death Stars just for one gag.

Now Spider-Man’s suit greets him by announcing his secret identity. This is a huge design flaw that could’ve been easily avoided. The new moral is that Spidey must show great responsibility to prove himself worthy of the Stark’s high-tech clothing? (If Sony & Marvel could’ve shared Venom too, this would be a better opportunity to set up that spinoff movie. Tom “No one cared who I was until I put on the symbiote.” Hardy starring as Venom is exciting casting that would’ve been even better if TDKR’s Bane was on Venom, but apparently his solo movie won’t tie-in with the MCU Spidey’s adventures to the detriment of both studios.) I still don’t like either of his costumes that carried over from IMvCA: DoV. The one in the upcoming Playstation video game is more appealing for trying something new instead of being an inferior copy of the classic suit compared to Raimi’s trilogy & Amazing Spider-Man 2.

I have such Spidey fatigue that I don’t know if I even want to see it in cinema. I didn’t even watch the last two in theatres because they lacked J. Jonah Jameson, & this cashgrab is making the same mistake (unless that’s who Zendaya’s secret identity is). On the other paw, I’m sure a review will appeal to more readers than a Sisyphean blog trying to make my toils at writing a difficult second novel sound fascinating. (I just typed up the chapter where a vintage MechaGodzilla model is built! I kinda feel like I should quit while I’m ahead.) Can I run a very timely review of Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark instead? Maybe I’ll watch it but buy another ticket to GOTG 2 or Wonder Woman at the box office. What say you?

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Sara Lance & The Raiders Of The Legendary Spear!

Legends of Tomorrow is the most improved DC TV show, but I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say it’s the best. It’s still too inconsistent. But when it’s fun, like the last few season two episodes I’m about to SPOIL, it’s very fun!

After being naively sporting with the fate of reality at stake, I really appreciated the Legends taking the initiative to steal the rest of the Holy Lance Spear of Destiny from the misnomered Legion of Doom’s lair. Firestorm transmuting its obelisk safe into jellybeans was keen! Too bad Reverse-Flash didn’t do a full table flip!

When it was revealed that Christ’s blood could nullify its powers, the show got very close to breaking the fourth wall. Sara Lance: “So we can just go back to the Crucifixion to end this threat to all reality with some fresh Jesus blood?” Rip Hunter: “Wow, the writers didn’t think this Biblical plot device through. We absolutely cannot go back to an established historical event to depower this touched relic lickety-split! Can you imagine how many angry letters we’d get? We’re already borderline sacrilegious enough as it is!”

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“My new codename will take you to the bank , Mr. Thawne. To THE BLOOD BANK!”

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