Jessica Jones Dourly Ends The Defenders Era

Daredevil, Luke Cage, Iron Fist, The Defenders, & The Punisher have all been cancelled. Jessica Jones is the last Defender standing. Well her series is done after season three, but it’s the last of Marvel’s Netflix shows to be released. Although I refuse to let go of Kilgrave not being purple, Jessica Jones season one was great. I liked season two more than most thanks to Janet McTeer’s superlative performance as Alissa Jones. Netflix hasn’t released any fun stills to riff on, so I’m falling back on my own natural resource of cat action figure photos. (Marvel & Netflix care about it so little they didn’t even make any mock covers for it like last season.) Now let’s pour one out with SPOILERS for Jessica Jones season three! Will it finally pay off Chekov’s Stilt-Man?

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Had this deleted scene been set after Endgame, Double J could’ve finagled a European vacation from Triple J.

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Dark Phoenix Is A Dank Failure

The last X-Men movie was delightful, whereas the last X-Men movie was abysmal! (The pedantic distinction is confusing.) Fox let the co-writer of X-Men: The Last Stand, Simon Kinberg, remake his own crappy movie! Even my The Wages of Cinema pals tapped out on Dark Phoenix. They have no sense of masochism! I was thinking about just writing a whole blog about why I’m not excited about this movie, but I don’t know how many times I can do that after missing the Hellboy reboot. (They took it away just as I was getting motivated to see a matinee.) So I’m doing this SPOILERY review solo! (Don’t worry; I bought a ticket to Godzilla: King of the Monsters instead of supporting this financially.) Shocking no one, this movie is not good. You know who is legitimutantly awesome though? Sauron! Please skip this review to the part where I extol his virtues.

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Hellboy Held Up, Avengers Eventually

Last week floated the question of whether I’d be reviewing the Hellboy reboot this week. The answer is … no. Sorry, everybody eagerly awaiting my review!

I both do & don’t want to see it. I really wanted Hellboy 3 by Guillermo del Toro starring Ron Perlman! Mike Mignola’s stark minimalism was almost diametrically opposed to del Toro’s lush maximalism but it worked! (I’ve heard gossip that Mignola being displeased with the movies diverging so much from the comics was a factor in nixing the third one.) I would’ve been fine seeing this one providing the trilogy had finished, but it didn’t. The monsters in the trailers (where Hellboy says he’s a Capricorn despite being a Libra in the comics) look nifty, but both general reviewers & Hellboy fans say it’s not good. I kind of feel bad skipping it since I’ll probably end up seeing the much worse looking Dark Phoenix in theaters. The original was released in April too, but I still think October would be a better fit (especially with all the competition this month). I was thinking about seeing it at a matinee, but the timing hasn’t worked out yet. Maybe I’ll get to it once it’s completely irrelevant?

So this almost late installment will mostly be about tangential Avengers tidbits that would’ve made my forthcoming review of the next movie even more long-winded.

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The Gifted’s Sophomore Season Could’ve Been More Talented

I haven’t discussed The Gifted since the premiere, so this is going to SPOIL the rest of the second season. This is one of those times where I was writing the blog along with the series, so let me know if my amendments are coherent.

Lorna

Drunk with power after beating the Scarlet Witch at tiaras by default, Polaris turns her ultra-competitive gaze towards the Stepford Cuckoos!

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Toy Fair Can Stand Under My Umbrella Academy

Last week’s blog was short, but this one will be super long! If you don’t want to be spoiled by my The Umbrella Academy review, scroll to the second tilde for some Toy Fair news. Your attempts to keep me from seeing the Kim Possible movie have failed as well!

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No News November!

At this point, my core purpose for blogging is so I have ready typed anecdotes on nerdy esoterica prepped to go in the off chance they’re tangentially relevant to online discourse. (Apparently I’ve done over 200 of these, & I still don’t know what I’m doing?) Nothing exciting happens in November, so I guess this entry will be filled up with long delayed ramblings. (Scheduling Giving Tuesday after Cyberman Monday, the international holiday of Mondas, was a bad idea.) Some of them are Marvelous. And I thought no installment this month would be less appealing than a repainted Ronan! Continue reading

Is Venom Box Office Poison ?

We are The Wages of Cinema collaboreview for Venom! (Not the one where the tow truck driver got possessed by evil souls kept in voodoo snakes nor the one where kidnappers are scared of a single black mamba. At least it isn’t the third remake of A Star Is Born. We need a Venom/”Bad Romance” mashup pronto to quell that bad blood!) Bond with our symbiotic SPOILERS below!

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